


Fast Car

by wayward_stranger



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Characters, Angst, Artist!Kuroo, Did I Mention Angst?, Drama, Flashbacks, Fluff, Frustration, Inspired by Music, M/M, Much crying, Music, Romance, Sadness, Slight kagehina, Slow Burn-ish, Song Lyrics, domestic abuse, gonna mention angst again because why not?, kuroo owns a record store, kuroo's mother is dead, movie-inspired scenes, much drama, oh my god this is actually really angsty, playlist-themed chapters, plus its much longer than i thought it would be, self-deprecation, slight bokuaka, slight hints of other pairings - Freeform, slight yamayachi, slightly mature content, slightly violent content, this is not in chronological order, tsukishima's father is a drunkard, tsukishima's in senior high school, warped timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-07-26 20:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 76,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7589455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayward_stranger/pseuds/wayward_stranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You got a fast car, is it fast enough so we can fly away?<br/>We gotta make a decision, we leave tonight or live and die this way - Tracy Chapman</p>
<p>Kei doesn't know who he hates more. His father, for being a drunkard who never achieved anything with his life. Or himself, for not being strong enough to actually do something about his.</p>
<p>Tetsurou can barely live with himself and what he's done. The future that he saw so clearly before can barely be seen right now, and he shuts his eyes to stop himself from remembering.</p>
<p>What comes first, the music or the misery? For the two of them, it's the misery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pills

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first chapter of Fast Car. It's based on the one-shot songfic that I wrote for my drabble collection, Bundled Up Together. A lot of people seemed to like the kurotsukki feels that it had and some suggested that I continue it so I did and here it is. The chapter titles for my work are based on songs and I'll be inserting a lot of song lyrics and music references in this fic. Also, this fic has a 'warped timeline' and the sections will be labeled and everything. So for every chapter, there will be a 'Now' which refers to the main storyline that you readers will be following. Some sections will be labeled with things like 'One Month Later' or 'Two Years Before' as well so you get snatches of the future and the past. I just wanted to write it this way since it's more exciting but if you guys are confused by it then please tell me quickly so that I can fix it.  
> Also, the setting of the story isn't really in a non-fictional place since I have never been to Japan and most of the other places mentioned in the story are going to be fictional but have Japanese or Western names. I also want to clarify that in this fic, even though the characters are Japanese they listen to Western music with English lyrics. So I hope you all like it! If there is anything that needs to be fixed or if you have any questions, please let me know in the comments.

**|4 Years Later|**

“Hey, um, well… it’s been a while, I guess,” Tetsurou mumbled, running his hand up and down the back of his head. A gravestone stood on the ground just a few feet from him. The bright, yellow color of the tulips contrasted stood out against the gray stone.

“You must be really disappointed in me. I haven’t been here since _it_ happened, after all. God, I’m such… I mean I’m…” Tetsurou stammered before finally giving in and sighing. He really should have done this a long time ago, visiting the cemetery. Maybe if he had visited a few times to just say a few things, he wouldn’t feel so conflicted over what to say right now. But then again, Tetsurou should have said and done a lot of things while they were alive. Now everything was just built up inside him, like a dam waiting to burst.

Tetsurou looked down at the gravestone and felt a small smile tugging at a corner of his lips. “If you were here, you’d probably say something right now. Like some snarky comment about how stupid I am.” He could imagine them saying something like _‘Why would I need to say some snarky comment if you know it already? And by the way, good work for realizing it,’_ accompanied with an eye roll and a smirk. But only silence greeted him. ‘I really have to do this,’ Tetsurou swallowed and shoved his hands into his pockets. Say everything that was on his chest, he owed them that much at least.

“It’s been so long, hasn’t it? Since I last saw you I mean. You wanted my last memory of you to be a good one and, it definitely was a good one. But you can’t hold a memory, can you? I just really wish that you could have _stayed._ I worked so hard so that I could get you to a better hospital because I didn’t want to lose you but I should have just listened. I should have listened…”

Tetsurou swallowed hard as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. He could still remember that day very well. The smell of antiseptic, the color of the tiled floor, the lights overhead that were much too bright; the white blanket dragged over the body on the bed. The last words he heard them say echoed through his head, and Tetsurou knew just how big the mistake he made was.

“I really wish I listened to you…”

 

**|Now|**

Kei hates this place.

He hates waking up and seeing the peeling, yellowish-white paint of his bedroom ceiling. He hates hearing the sound of his bed creak when he sits up. He hates walking through the hallway and seeing the magazines stacked against the wall. He hates the smell of stale beer that still comes from god-knows-where no matter how many times he and his mom cleaned the house. He hates the sound of his father snoring behind his closed bedroom door. He hates the taste of the plain cereal he has to eat for breakfast every single day.

He hates the yard in front of his house, all dirt with nothing but a few scraggly patches of yellowed grass here and there. He hates the looks that people passing by throw at him when he leaves the house. He hates feeling every pebble on the sidewalk under the thin soles of his worn-out sneakers. He hates the sound of mothers talking to each other in front of their pristine houses, discussing what dish to bring to the next block party.

Kei hates this place. He hates coming home after school and seeing his father sprawled on top of the couch with either a bottle or a can in his hand. He hates the looks people give him, as if they expected him to break down at any moment or lash out or hurt himself. He hates being strong enough to take on everything he sees and hears. He hates not being strong enough to actually be able to do anything. He hates having to stay in this place and not be able to leave.

And with the music in his headphones, he tries to drown everything out.

…

Tetsurou flips the sign by the window from ‘Sorry, We’re Closed,’ to ‘Come In, We’re Open’ before unlocking the door. Behind him, Keiji was reorganizing the shelves under the ‘Rock’ section while Koutarou picked out an album to play on the speakers in their shop. Soon enough, a Led Zeppelin song began playing in the shop.

“Geez Kou, isn’t it a little too early for that?” Tetsurou sighed, turning around to look at his spiky-haired friend who was bobbing his head along to the music.

“It’s never too early for Led Zep,” he protested.

“I agree with Kuroo-san,” Keiji said, not looking up from his work.

“But Akaashi,” Koutarou moaned.

“At least change it to something like Matchbox-Twenty,” Tetsurou said.

“I second the motion,” Keiji raised his hand.

“Fine,” Koutarou gave in. The Led Zeppelin song stopped playing and soon enough, ‘Bed of Lies’ came on.

“That’s more like it,” Tetsurou grinned, nodding his head along to the music before sticking a new poster to the glass window.

“Hey, is that the sign?” Koutarou asked.

“Yeah, it is,” Tetsurou nodded, smoothing out the paper of the ‘Help Wanted’ poster.

“So you’re really going through with it?” Keiji said.

“You think it’s a bad idea, don’t you?” Tetsurou sighed, detecting the tone in his voice.

“One, the store is pretty small so we don’t need that many people to manage it,” Keiji said. Tetsurou stopped what he was doing and crossed his arm to listen. After all, Keiji did give a lot of good advice. “Two, not a lot of people come here anyway, not even on weekends. And three, do we even have the funds to pay for another employee?”

“I just need someone to help me take care of the afternoon shifts on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and on Saturdays,” Tetsurou reasoned. “I mean you and Kou have classes and I have my jobs and everything. I’m sure someone would want to take the job as a part-time worker.”

“I think it’s a _great_ idea!” Koutarou piped up, raising a thumbs-up sign.

“You always think Kuroo-san’s ideas are great,” Keiji sighed. “But in the end, it’s your shop after all, Kuroo-san.” To Tetsurou, Keiji’s statement sounded more like ‘It’s your funeral after all,’ instead of ‘It’s your shop after all.’

“But it is a great idea,” Koutarou protested. “We get to have a new buddy with us taking care of the shop.”

“Right?”

“But, does this mean you got a new job again, Tetsu?” Koutarou asked in a quieter voice. Other than managing the record shop that his uncle left him, he also had a job working the late-night shifts at the convenience store and another job as a waiter in Bento Box, one of the restaurants in town. Balancing all of them usually left him ragged and sleep-deprived, especially his job at the convenience store. Tetsurou could tell that his friends worried a lot about him but they gave all of their support along the way. Keiji sometimes took over his shifts when Tetsurou was too tired and Koutarou brought him coffee every morning. It usually had way too much sugar but who was he to complain.

“Nah man, I just got extra shifts at Bento.” Tetsurou flashed him a reassuring smile. “And they’re in the afternoon too so it’s not really that busy.”

“As long as you don’t overwork yourself, Kuroo-san,” Keiji said.

“I won’t, I won’t,” Tetsurou waved his hand. “It’s almost nine-thirty by the way. Shouldn’t you guys be heading off already?”

“You’re right!” Koutarou exclaimed, glancing down at his watch. Keiji finished sorting the last of the records before lifting his bag over his shoulder. Koutarou grabbed his backpack and headed for the door.

“See you Tetsu! Tell me if we get someone!” he grinned.

“Will do man,” Tetsurou nodded, fist-bumping his friend before he left.

“See you later, Kuroo-san,” Keiji bowed his head a little before following Koutarou out the door.

“See you…” Tetsurou waved as he watched the two of them leave. The two of them attended college at a university near town. Koutarou was in his second year while Keiji was still in his first. Tetsurou always felt a pang of jealousy whenever he saw the two of them hunched over their books, studying or doing homework, or listening to them talk about their teachers and schoolmates and what they learned. Even seeing Keiji and Koutarou walking to the bus stop now was enough to send him those jealousy pangs. Sometimes during his jobs, while he was either waiting in front of a cash register or clearing up a table, he would imagine himself walking to the bus stop with the two of them, groaning about the load of homework that they had to do. That was them two years ago while they were still in high school. Before everything went down the drain.

Tetsurou pressed his forehead against the glass window. Up close he could see his reflection against the dirt and grime on the other side of the glass.

“Time to clean the windows again.”

…

School was the only thing that Kei really happened to like. Basically, any place that wasn’t ‘home’ was a place that Kei liked. But he also happened to like sitting in class, hearing the teachers talk and talk about this time period or that formula and him just having to take down notes about it. He liked not having to smell the stench of beer anywhere. And he especially liked the fact that the only yelling he could hear came from his classmate, Hinata Shouyo.

“Tsukishima! Oi Tsukishima!” Once he heard the familiar voice calling out to him, Kei didn’t bother to stop walking, knowing that Hinata would quickly catch up to him anyway.

“What is it?” Kei asked once Hinata popped into his line of sight.

“So you read the list of ideas I gave you, right?”

“Nope. I just gave it back to Yamaguchi.”

“Mean! I made the effort to list it down in my writing so you could see them!”

“All I saw were a bunch of scribbles on a piece of paper. Would you really call that writing?” Kei scoffed as he dropped a coin in the vending machine in the hallway to buy a can of black coffee.

“Kageyama said he could read it!” Hinata flushed. “And Yamaguchi said he could too!”

“The only reason why Kageyama could hear it is because he practically writes the same as you do,” Kei explained, taking his can of coffee and making his way back to their classroom. “And the only reason why Yamaguchi said he could read it is because he’s too nice to you. If you showed it to Yachi she would have said she wouldn’t be able to read it.”

“Fine, I guess I’ll have to say them out loud!” Hinata said determinedly.

“Wait, what’s this list about anyway? I couldn’t even read your title,” Kei said as the two of them entered their classroom.

“It’s a list of ideas for our senior prank!” Hinata waved his hands in the air as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh, are you guys talking about the senior prank?” Yamaguchi piped up. He, Kageyama, and Yachi had put a few desks together to form a larger table. The five of them always did this during lunch at school. It was also one of the things that Kei liked about school, even though he had to listen to Kageyama and Hinata argue most of the time.

“Tsukishima said he didn’t read the list,” Hinata pouted as he sat down in between Kageyama and Yachi. Kei sat down next Yamaguchi by the window.

“Read the list,” Kageyama stated bluntly.

“List?” Yachi asked, turning to Yamaguchi for an answer.

“Hinata made a list of ideas for our senior prank,” he explained.

“Do we really even need to do one?” Kei sighed, opening his can of coffee.

“Of course we do! It’s how we’ll leave our mark behind in school as seniors!” Hinata exclaimed.

“The school has a copy of our yearbook, doesn’t it?”

“That’s so boring though, Stingyshima…”

“Are you guys with him on this?” Kei asked, looking at Yamaguchi and Yachi.

“M-me! Well it’s a pretty fun idea and I’ve never really done it before either,” she stammered. “If it doesn’t take too much work and if it doesn’t get us in too much trouble, I guess I’m in.”

“It sounds fun, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi grinned. “I’m in too.”

“Really?”

“And the seniors before us did it too,” Kageyama pointed out. “So that means we have to do one too, and it has to be better than what they did.”

“I can’t believe you’re even competitive about this too,” Kei deadpanned.

“Well so far I think the idea of filling the hallway with cups full of water is the best one,” Yamaguchi said.

“Hah! I knew Yamaguchi could read my handwriting.”

“Just barely, Hinata…”

“That’s going to take a long time to clean up though. We don’t want to create that much trouble,” Yachi said.

“We could trigger the fire alarm again.”

“Dumbass! That’s what the seniors did last year.”

“That wasn’t a very good prank either…”

“We could set off firecrackers in the hallway.”

“That would get us caught quickly.”

“Why don’t we hack into the school speakers?” Kei finally suggested, sounding exasperated by everyone’s arguing. The table fell silent for a minute as they all stared at him until Hinata finally broke it.

“That’s it!” he exclaimed, pointing at him.

“Tsukishima’s right, we could play some really loud rock song over the speakers in the audio visual room and then get out before anyone catches us,” Kageyama mused.

“And it just causes a disturbance too, nobody gets hurt or anything,” Yachi added.

“Nice, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi grinned at him. “Who knew you had it in you to think of such a prank?”

“Shut up, I just wanted something to make Hinata pipe down,” Kei grumbled.

“Well it seems to have taken the opposite effect,” Yamaguchi observed.

“We need to make a list of things to play before we decide on something,” Yachi said.

“I’ll make it!” Hinata volunteered.

“NO!” everyone else said at the same time.

“I can make it instead… if you like,” Yachi offered, pulling out a notebook and pencil.

“Okay…” Hinata said sullenly, slumping in his seat.

“Hey Tsukki, you’re coming over later, right?” Yamaguchi asked. Among all his friends in school, Yamaguchi was the only one who knew about Kei’s father at home. The two of them had been friends since grade school, back when everything was still alright. His father still had his job. His mother still smiled. And Akiteru was still there. Kei’s mother was friends with Yamaguchi’s mother so when things started to turn bad, she would send him over to their house. Now, his mother wasn’t around the house very often due to her shifts as a nurse in the nearby hospital so Kei tried to spend as much time as he could out of the house. And usually, that meant heading over to Yamaguchi’s place.

“Yeah,” Kei nodded. “But I might stop by at Vinyl for a while.” Vinyl was also one of the few things that Kei liked in this town. It was a music shop that sold a very good collection of records and CDs. He only used his allowance for two things, lunch and music. The rest he saved. But once every two weeks, Kei would go over to Vinyl to pick up something new.

“Oh right, it’s a Friday,” Yamaguchi nodded. “Sure. I’ll go with you.”

“Is that all?” Yachi asked, looking at Hinata and Kageyama over her notebook.

“Yup! We’ll add more when we get a new idea,” Hinata said. “But this is a genius idea! Way to using your brains for something useful, Tsukishima.”

“You mean on something other than schoolwork?” Kei raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, shouldn’t you guys be focusing more on your schoolwork?” Yamaguchi suggested.

“Um… Well…” Hinata stammered.

“You’re just trying to forget about that test you failed yesterday, aren’t you?” Kei said.

“I’m not the only one! Bakageyama failed too!” Hinata pointed.

“Shut up dumbass Hinata!” Kageyama yelled.

“Why am I not surprised?” Kei rolled his eyes and downed the rest of his coffee.

 

**|One Year Later|**

Kei set the box down on his bed and a cloud of dust from inside erupted in his face. “Shit,” he cursed, inhaling the dust before sneezing once, twice, and thrice. He sniffed and rubbed his nose as his eyes began to water. This is what he hated about moving. Old stuff meant dust and dust meant sneezing and sneezing meant that Kei was going to be irritable for the rest of the day.

He took off his glasses to rub away the fine layer of dust that layered it before putting it on and peering into the box. It was full of CDs that he hadn’t touched since he moved in. In his old house, it had been kept under his bed, hence the dust. Kei knelt down by the bed and began to sort through them, leaving the ones he won’t take with him in the box and taking out the ones that he will. He took out a few Stevie Wonder albums and left behind a couple of Broadway musical collections. Suddenly, he came upon an album that was all too familiar.

He could still hear his voice in his head. _‘Take a guess, Tsukishima. What music genre does this album cover belong to?_ ’ Kei turned the plastic album case over and over in his hand, running his fingers over the front. A starry blue sky in the background. A tree with the sun shining through in the foreground. The name of the band written on the upper left hand corner. When Tetsu first showed it to him, he had covered the name with his fingers so that Kei wouldn’t see. But Kei had guessed it right, to Tetsu’s mild frustration. He told him it was a game he used to play, back when his uncle owned the shop.

On that same day, Kei decided to buy the album as well.

 

**|Now|**

Keiji was right though, not a lot of people actually visited Vinyl. After all, it was a music shop that sold CDs and records that are already downloadable online. You wouldn’t find any CD or record players anymore since they all practically died out once the iPod came in. Sometimes, Tetsurou wondered why he accepted his uncle’s offer to take over the shop in the first place.

But the thing is, Tetsurou _loved_ that shop. He used to come over a lot ever since he was a kid when his mother needed someone to look after him. Uncle Makoto let him run loose in the shop. He would let Tetsurou help him carry boxes from place to place, reshelf records, restack CDs, even allowing him to choose what music to play in the shop. Tetsurou loved the smell of dust and boxes coming from the storeroom, he loved running his fingers lightly over a shiny, new record before placing it in the record player, he loved running his fingers down the spines of the plastic album cases.

But what Tetsurou loved the most were the designs on the record sleeves and album covers.

He loved how different they were from each other, as unique as fingerprints and tiger stripe patterns and faces in a crowd. Some covers were as simple as having the artist or band’s face on it along with a title of some sort. Some covers had a photomontage or a collage of random bits and pieces. Some covers were basically just abstract paintings that made Tetsurou’s head whirl the longer he looked at them. But he loved them all.

He and his uncle made a game out of it sometimes. Uncle Makoto would show him a cover from some band or artist that Tetsurou didn’t know and he would have to guess which genre their music was. Even after his uncle left for retirement, Tetsurou would still try to play that game with his friends. But Keiji was too smart and knew too much for him to be able to guess and Koutarou never found it to be entertaining. So that game was packed away in a box in his head labelled ‘Things that Tetsu Misses but Will Never Be Able to Do Again.’ He had a lot of things in that box.

Too many things.

 

**|1 Month Later|**

“Take a guess, Tsukishima. What music genre does this album belong to?” Kuroo asked. Kei raised his head from the stack of CDs he was sorting. Kuroo was holding one of the CDs with his fingers covering the top part to prevent Kei from seeing the name. The design on the front showed a blue sea in the background and a red swimming pool in the foreground.

“It’s a Red Hot Chili Peppers album,” Kei deadpanned and went back to his sorting.

“No fair, how could you guess it that fast?” Kuroo pouted before putting the CD away.

“How could you think that I wouldn’t know that band?”

“Okay, okay. Let me get a harder one.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be working?” Kei asked.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun with it,” Kuroo grinned at him before searching through the box of CDs in front of them. Kei shook his head and placed a stack of CDs on top of a shelf under the label ‘Blues.’

“Okay, how about this one?” Kuroo asked, holding up another CD. The background was a starry night sky while the foreground had a tall tree with the sun shining behind it.

“We won’t get any work done if you keep making me guess a CD every few seconds,” Kei deadpanned.

“Come on. We only have three boxes to sort through,” Kuroo begged. “Keiji and Koutarou are no fun to play with so it has to be you.”

“Fine,” Kei rolled his eyes and looked at the CD again. “It’s an indie.”

“Indie what?”

“Indie acoustic. Almost everything indie is acoustic.”

“Damn, I should have chosen a harder one,” Kuroo cursed and turned the CD over in his hands.

“What’s the band called?”

“The Perishers. Wait, how did you know it was a band too?”

“Because single artists usually put their own faces on the covers. Have you listened to them?”

“Yeah actually,” Kuroo nodded. “But mainly to listen to one song. Pills.”

“Pills?” Kei took the CD from Kuroo.

“Not about drugs, I promise you,” he said, placing a hand on his chest. “It’s a pretty sad song though. Completely relatable and everything.”

“Hmmm… I see,” Kei nodded and gave it back to Kuroo. ‘Completely relatable. Maybe I’ll listen to it later,’ he thought.

“My uncle taught me this game,” Kuroo said softly, running a hand over one of the CDs he picked up. Kei noticed that he seemed to do that a lot. Sometimes he would just roam through the shelves in the store, pick up a random record or CD, and run his fingers over the cover. Then he’ll put it down and pick up another one.

“Guess the music genre based on the cover?” Kei asked.

“Yeah,” Kuroo nodded. “We called it Guess the Genre and we’d play it for hours while sorting. I guess that’s why we never got the job done,” he chuckled. “But he isn’t here now and Kou and Keiji aren’t that fun to play with.” Kei looked up at Kuroo who was still running his fingers over the CD cover with a sad smile on his face. Again, Kei realized just how much of a puzzle Kuroo Tetsurou was. One minute he was bugging him to guess the genre and the next he was talking about his uncle. ‘How troublesome,’ Kei thought, picking up a random CD.

“Hey, Kuroo.”

“What?”

Kei held up the CD, covering the title and band name with his fingers. “Guess the Genre,” he mumbled. Kuroo’s face lit up, first his eyes then his smile. He looked just like a kid and Kei wondered if that was exactly how he looked like ten years ago.

“Umm… Electronic?” Kuroo guessed.

“Wrong.”

“Wait, what? How can it not be electro?”

“Look at the damn cover and take a guess.”

 

**|Now|**

Vinyl did not attract a lot of new customers, but it did have a few regular ones. Tetsu never really liked most of his regular customers though since ninety-percent of them were hipsters looking for records of ‘This-Band-that-You-Probably-Never-Heard-Of.’ Right now, a teenage girl wearing a lime green poncho and jeans with feathers braided in her hair stood in front of the counter.

“Do you have any records by The Parachutes?” she asked.

‘Let me guess, they’re an Icelandic, all-women’s group from the seventies who play wind instruments,’ Tetsu thought as he searched through the computer by the counter. “The Parachutes…” he muttered.

“They’re a Polish, all-women’s group from the seventies. And they play wind instruments and everything,” the girl said. “But you probably don’t have them since they are pretty rare.

‘Called it, except for the Polish part,’ Tetsu thought as the corner of his lip curled up in a smirk. “Actually we have two or three of them there in the ‘Instrumentals’ section,” he said, pointing the location. The girl seemed to be unable to decide whether to look disappointed or happy. She decided on the latter.

“Thank you,” she said, smiling before going to the ‘Instrumentals’ section just when the shop bell rang again. Tetsu looked up and saw another one of his regulars come in. Judging by his uniform, he was still a high school student but he was pretty tall for his age. Taller than Tetsu even. He had blonde, slightly curly hair and glasses as well. Tetsu decided to place him in the other ten percent of customers that came into the shop, the ones he dubbed as ‘True Music Fans.’ The guy, whom he and Koutarou nicknamed ‘Megane-kun,’ came in at least once every two weeks to buy either a record or a CD. Tetsu couldn’t decide what his taste was though since he practically jumped from genre to genre. ‘Must be a music explorer then,’ he decided.

Usually, the guy came into the shop with one of his friends with him. He was also pretty tall, though not as tall as Tetsu, and lanky as well with tanned skin, and freckles. He didn’t buy anything when he came into the shop but he seemed to like looking through the ‘Electronic’ section. Tetsu called him ‘Freckles Guy.’

The girl came up to the counter again carrying two records of ‘The Parachutes.’ Tetsu’s eyes skimmed over the designs on the covers. Both of them looked like classic seventies record sleeves. All bold, and bright colors splashed abstractly on the front. Once the girl left, Tetsu rested his chin on top of his hand as he wached ‘Megane-kun’ browse through the shelves of CDs. ‘So it’s Country this time, huh?’ he thought. It wasn’t long before he picked out a CD, his trips to Vinyl usually never did take long, and carried it to the counter.

‘Tim McGraw,’ Tetsu read. He listened to the artist before but his songs never interested him that much. ‘Megane-kun’ took out his wallet and paid for the CD before accepting the paper bag with the CD in it that Tetsu gave him.

“All done?” Freckles Guy asked, appearing beside him.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Megane-kun nodded. His eyes met Tetsu’s for half a second before he turned away to leave. The shop bell rang as the door opened and closed behind them. Megane-kun had actually been coming to Vinyl for a pretty long time, maybe three years in fact. But Tetsu never really thought about talking to him and Megane-kun hardly said anything either.

‘I wonder if he’ll like the CD,’ he wondered.

 

**|One Month Later|**

Kei sat on the floor with his back against his bed and opened the CD case. Then, he took the disc out and placed it in his CD player before putting on his headphones. The song ‘Pills’ was the ninth track in the album and Kei pressed the fast forward button on his CD player until he reached the song. The sound of guitar strumming soon came through his headphones. ‘Acoustic,’ he remembered. ‘I knew it.’ Then came the sound of a male voice singing, slowly and sadly.

_I hope my smile can distract you_

_I hope my fists can fight for two_

_So it never has to show_

_And you’ll never know_

Kei closed his eyes as he listened but once he heard the first line of the song, his thoughts immediately went to Kuroo. After working in Vinyl for about a month, Kei easily familiarized himself with his co-workers. Akaashi was calm, stoic, and polite. He understood Kei’s personal space and at the same time, tried to engage him in some interesting conversation as well. Bokuto was practically his polar opposite. Loud, noisy, and annoying, Kei wouldn’t be surprised if he happened to be Hinata’s father. But eventually, Bokuto’s presence grew on Kei and he didn’t find him as annoying as he first did.

Kuroo, now he was different. Kei was used to being able to figure out people easily and his inability to decide on what kind of person Kuroo was bothered him. He had smiles that lit up his entire face and smiles that didn’t seem to reach his eyes. He was the kind of person who sang along sometimes to ‘Lady Marmalade’ when he thought no one was looking. He was also the kind of person who sometimes stared ahead at a specific point somewhere, as if he was searching for something he lost.

_One may think we’re alright_

_But we need pills to sleep at night_

_We need lies to make it through the day_

_We’re not okay_

Kei wondered just how much Kuroo could relate to this song.


	2. Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Instead of counting down days and weeks and months, Kei found himself counting beer bottles. Soon, he came to find that beer bottles weren’t the only thing around that he could count. He counted the number of hours his mother worked per day. He counted the number of days he and Akiteru spent in Yamaguchi’s house per week. He counted the numbers of weeks per month his father drank and drank and drank. Kei held on to those numbers as his world began to unravel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! So glad to see that a lot of people have been reading this fic and I hope you guys continue to stick around. Here's a new chapter and it's more on Kei's background story and everything plus a little kurotsukki action. Also, this takes place two weeks after the last chapter. Just wanted to let you guys know since this non-linear timeline can be a bit confusing...
> 
> A bit of a warning though, there's a bit of domestic abuse in this chapter, mostly yelling, cursing, and a bit of hitting.

 

**|Now|**

Kei knew it was bad even before he went inside the house.

He didn’t believe in things like a sixth sense or omens, even though it did feel pretty damn close to either of those things. It was more of a sense of foreboding that hung in the air around him caused by little signs he saw throughout the day. An empty bottle of beer outside the door. The smell of vomit coming from the bathroom. An empty cereal box inside the cupboard. Earlier that day, before he left the house, Kei found that the jar of coins placed near the door had noticeably less coins than usual. ‘That must have been it,’ Kei guessed when he walked into the house to find his father rooting through their fridge.

“Kei, welcome home,” his mother said. She was in the kitchen heating up trays of microwaveable dinners that she no doubt bought from the convenience store. His mother came home from work pretty late but Kei would usually wait up for her to eat dinner. Sometimes his father ate with them, if he was sober enough.

“I’ll pack away the groceries,” Kei offered, taking out cans and more microwaveable dinner trays from the plastic bag beside his mother.

“Hey, where were you?” his father asked, holding the refridgerator door open as he frowned at his son. “That Yamaguchi’s house again? Must be fucking Disneyland to you.”

“I was at the library,” Kei said through gritted teeth. “Trying to do some homework.” His mother’s hand clasped tightly over his.

“Library, huh?” he scoffed before slamming the refridgerator door shut. Kei counted until ten in his head to calm down as he stacked more cans in their cupboard. Suddenly, he felt his father’s hand grip his shoulder before shoving him to the side. Kei staggered back and watched as he rooted through the plastic bag. His mother closed her eyes and pursed her lips.

“Noriko…” his father said in a dangerously quiet voice. “You didn’t buy any beer?”

“A-are we already out?” she asked meekly. His father gave her a long, hard look before striding over to the fridge and yanking the door open.

“Hmm… I don’t know,” his father said, sarcasm dripping from the tone of his voice. “Why don’t we go take a look?” He bent down and rummaged through their nearly-empty refridgerator. “Oh, found one! Oh wait, it’s just fucking milk!” he yelled, throwing the carton to the ground, splashing milk all over the floor. His mother cringed and Kei’s hands curled into fists.

“No, Noriko, I do not think we have anymore beer. And you didn’t buy more either because you weren’t responding to my calls.”

“We’re not allowed to answer our phones during work hours,” his mother reasoned.

“Fine,” his father threw his hands in the air. “So what do we do now? Wait for it to magically fall out of the sky?”

“You could try to stay sober for once,” Kei blurted out, no longer able to keep silent. His mother threw him a look that seemed to say ‘Stop whatever it is you’re doing. You know what’s going to happen next.’

“Or… you could haul your skinny ass over to the convenience store to get me some,” his father glared at him.

“Yes, Kei. Why don’t you do that? Okay? Take some of the coins from the jar near the door,” his mother suggested, already nudging Kei away from his father.

“Or you could haul your own ass somewhere to get a job,” Kei muttered under his breath. Unfortunately, he was right within earshot of his father when he said that, and he wasn’t fast enough to see it coming either. Before he knew it, a fist had connected with his chin and lower jaw, sending him staggering to the floor. His mother screamed but Kei couldn’t hear her. All his senses were focused on the sudden bloom of pain in his lower jawline. There was a coppery taste in his mouth. Kei spit on the floor and watched as his blood mixed with the milk splattered on the ground.

His father had never hit him before. Sure he shoved Kei a lot and called him names, but he never actually hit him with his own two hands, not even when he was drunk. Kei looked up at his father who loomed over him, arms crossed and eyes glaring daggers down at him. He tried to remember just how his father looked like years and years before. Mild-mannered, calm, always wearing buttoned-up shirts and ties, his blonde hair combed neatly away from his face. Kei couldn’t see a trace of that person anymore. And the fact that he was hit by his father who wasn’t even that drunk proved that the person he knew before isn’t going to come back.

“Is there anything else you want to say?” his father asked in a low voice.

“Please Kei. Just go,” his mother choked out. She was shaking from hear, her hands wrapped tightly around herself. Kei nodded and stood up before making his way to the door. He put on a dark blue hoodie and filled his pockets with coins from the jar before heading out of the house. The taste of blood was still in his mouth and his jaw throbbed. There was probably going to be a bruise the next day, a reminder of what was going to happen if Kei, and maybe even his mother, chose to fight back.

But bruises faded, and memories stayed.

 

**|Five Years Ago|**

“Race you back home Kei!”

“No fair Aki! You’ve got a head start!” Kei yelled but chased after his brother anyway. The two of them laughed and ran down the streets, past mothers and kids walking home, past familiar shops and restaurants, and past trees bearing leaves in colors of brown, red, orange, and gold. Kei quickly caught up to his brother as they neared their house and two of them found themselves sandwiched between the posts of their fence.

“Well, I guess it’s a tie,” Akiteru chuckled as Kei tried to squeeze through.

“No fair, you got a head start. That means I’m the one who really won.”

“Fine, fine. You win Kei.” Akiteru angled his body away just as Kei pushed forward again, making him stumble to the ground.

“I knew it! I won against Nii-chan! I won against Nii-chan!” Kei chanted, pushing himself up off the ground.

“Whatever, I just let you win,” Akiteru grinned and mussed up his brother’s hair.

“You’re so lame Nii-chan,” Kei rolled his eyes, shoving his brother’s hand away. “Shouldn’t you be doing stuff with your friends instead of racing around with me?”

“Hey, shouldn’t you be glad that I’m spending time with you?”

“Don’t you mean cheating whenever we race home?”

“Who’s cheating?” his father asked, looking up at them from his laptop when they entered the house.

“Nii-chan,” Kei pointed. “He gave himself a head start in our race before telling me.”

“That’s the oldest trick in the book,” his father shook his head and chuckled. “I used to do that on my younger brother too when were little.”

“I learned from the best,” Akiteru winked as he poured a glass of water for himself.

“That means you’re a cheater too, Dad…”

“Well it never worked,” his father shrugged. “Hiro was just too fast.”

“And I still beat Nii-chan,” Kei said smugly.

“Do you have any homework to do, Akiteru?” his father asked, turning back to his laptop and typing something on the keyboard.

“Yeah a bit,” Akiteru answered. “I’m mostly worried about the test this coming Friday too.”

“I think I also have homework too,” Kei added.

“Well you guys better get started on those because your mother said we’re eating out tonight,” his father said. “She got promoted to head nurse at the hospital.”

“That’s great!” Akiteru grinned.

“I bet I can do my homework first!” Kei blurted out as he quickly ran to his room.

“Now that’s not fair Kei. My homework is way tougher than yours,” Akiteru protested as he trudged down the hallway to his room.

It used to be different back then.

 

**|Now|**

Out of all the shifts he worked at his three jobs, Tetsurou decided that the night shift at the convenience store was one of his favorites. One, because there weren’t that many people around. Two, he barely even had to do anything but ring up the items at the cash register. And three, best of all, he got to listen to his music while working. When he was at home, he’d usually use his record player but when he was outside, he’d bring his CD player along. He got a lot of weird stares from people who’d notice it but with one ‘So what?’ look from Tetsurou, they’d go on with their way.

Right now, he was listening to Radiohead and mopping the floor behind the counter when someone entered the shop. He took off his headphones and raised his head but one look at the customer made his mandatory greeting of ‘Welcome!’ die in his throat. It was Megane-kun. And he looked just as surprised to see Tetsurou standing behind the counter. He was wearing a dark blue jacket over his clothes with the hood pulled up over his face but that didn’t stop Tetsurou from seeing the blood on the corner of his lip and the bruise beginning to form near his chin. Hastily, Megane-kun turned away and pulled down the hood of his jacket to cover his face more but Tetsurou had seen what he’d seen.

It was none of his business.

‘Right,’ Tetsurou told himself as he went back to mopping the floor. Megane-kun walked over to the drinks section. There was this stain on the floor that Tetsurou couldn’t seem to remove and he concentrated on it as he ran the mop over the same area, trying hard not to glance at his ‘customer.’ ‘He’s just a regular at Vinyl. I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me and we’ve never even talked at all…’ he thought as he gripped the mop handle tightly. ‘It’s none of my business.’ But when the guy came back to place a six-pack of beer and an ID on the counter, Tetsurou threw his previous thoughts out of the window.

“I do know that this fake,” he said, holding the ID up with his two fingers and looking at Megane-kun. “I’ve seen you in your school uniform so you can’t be twenty-two.” The guy in front of him clenched his jaw and looked down.

“So what? Don’t tell me you haven’t sold beer to other minors with fake IDs too,” he said.

“As a matter of fact, I don’t,” Tetsurou sighed and placed the ID back down on the counter but not before reading the name ‘Tsukishima Kei’ on it. ‘Tsukishima’ squeezed his eyes shut and breathed out.

“ _Listen,_ just sell me the beer, okay?” he said, his tone sounded close to begging. “I just really, _really_ need it and I can’t show up without it. I’m almost eighteen anyway, that should mean something.” He opened his eyes and stared straight into Tetsurou’s when he said those. Pleading eyes. He was familiar with those kinds of eyes. Tetsurou’s gaze flickered over to the bruise on his chin that looked quite fresh.

“It’s not for you, isn’t it?” he asked. Tsukishima swallowed and looked down.

“They’re not for me. But I need them,” he said softly.

Tetsurou shook his head. Tsukishima Kei didn’t really seem like the type who involved himself in something bad like gangs or drugs. Along with the fact that the beer wasn’t for him, Tetsurou could easily tell that someone close to Tsukishima, a father perhaps or a friend, inflicted the bruise.

“Well, you’re lucky the store owner’s too cheap to install CCTV cameras,” Tetsurou said and rang up the six-pack. “That’ll be six hundred yen.” Surprise registered on Tsukishima’s face for a moment before he snapped out of it. He got out a fistful of change from his jacket pocket, counted a few coins, and laid them on the counter. Tetsurou took the payment and handed the beer back to him. Tsukishima took it and was about to leave when Tetsurou reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Hold on. You’re not leaving yet until we do something about that bruise,” he demanded. Tsukishima glared at him.

“It’s fine,” he grumbled, trying to pull away from Tetsurou’s death grip.

“Hey, I sold you that beer. The least you can do is let me help you out here.” Tsukishima stopped struggling and shot him a doubtful look. “I’m not calling the cops, I promise.”

“Fine…” he mumbled and put the beer back on the counter.

“Wait here.” Tetsurou went into the ‘Employee’s Only’ room behind the counter and began to rummage through his locker. The only thing he found suitable to use was an old, gray sleeveless shirt that had the logo for AC/DC printed on it. Thankfully, Tsukishima was still waiting by the counter when he came out and continued to watch what Tetsurou was doing. He went over to the Drinks counter and shoveled some ice on top of his shirt before twisting it into a bundle until it resembled an ice pack.

“Take off the hood,” he said as he walked back to the counter with the ice pack in hand. “You look even more like a delinquent with that on.” He handed him the bundle of ice.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Tsukishima scowled. “I have ice at home.”

“Just shut up and take it already,” Tetsurou ordered, shoving the bundle of ice toward him which Tsukishima finally took. “I’m just doing this because it’s bad for my conscience to not help out a kid like you. And I want my shirt back too. It’s clean, don’t worry and you don’t have to wash it either.”

“Thanks…” Tsukishima mumbled and pressed the ice pack against his bruise. With his other hand, he lifted the six-pack of beer. Tetsurou watched wordlessly as he walked away from the counter and out the door of the convenience store. After a while, he put his headphones back on and went back to his job. He mopped the stain on the floor more furiously now, wishing that he could make it disappear.

Like the bruise on Tsukishima Kei’s face.

...

It all started when his father lost his job.

Kei didn’t know much about what he did for a job but whenever he asked his father what it was, he said that he was an ‘accountant’ for a company. Kei knew that it had something to do with money but that was really about it. And apparently, that ‘accountant’ job provided for most of their family’s needs.

His father told all of them about how he lost his job during breakfast one day. It didn’t seem like that much of an issue to Kei. His mother reassured his father that he’d find a new one soon and Akiteru nodded along in agreement. Kei asked how his boss told him the news and his father joked that he turned into a large, fire-breathing dragon and roared ‘YOU’RE FIRED’ at him.

Everything was fine at first. His father stayed at home, browsing through newspapers for a job opening and going through various interviews. He used the time at home to cook or do the house chores, greeting Akiteru and Kei whenever they came home. Their mother’s job kept them afloat until eventually, she was replaced by a much younger nurse with more promise and potential. She still maintained her job as a nurse but her salary just wasn’t enough to support all of them.

It all started when his father lost his job, but that was simply the long-term cause. Kei hardly noticed the signs at first when he was still a kid. As he grew older, he revisited those old memories, replaying them again and again in his head, searching for the signs that he should have seen sooner. He polished those memories for five years, running through them over and over again until everything formed a clearer picture.

It wasn’t a picture that he wanted to see.

 

**|Five Years Ago|**

Kei threw the covers off his bed and sat up, realizing how much of a mistake it was to drink three glasses of water before going to bed. He got out of bed, left his room and padded silently down the hallway to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he switched off the light and was about to go back to his bedroom when he noticed that the porch light was still on. ‘Wasn’t that turned off earlier?’ Kei thought, creeping silently up to the dining room window. His family almost never turned on their porch light, especially now since their mother said that they needed to save up on electricity. When he reached the window, he peeked outside and found his father sitting on a chair outside.

‘What’s he doing there?’ Kei wondered, half-hidden behind the curtain. He was completely awake now that something caught his curiosity so he stayed and continued to watch. Outside, his father reached for something on the ground beside him and Kei stood on his tiptoes in order to see what it was. He didn’t need to do it for long though because his father sat back up and held it in his lap. Even from his spot inside the house, Kei could easily tell what it was from the size and shape.

A bottle. Or more specifically, a bottle of beer.

Kei’s father never drank alcohol, not even sake during special occasions. His reason being that his father, Kei’s grandfather, drank quite a lot while he was a kid. That was the only thing that Kei knew about his grandfather since his father refused to talk about him. Kei had a few classmates whose fathers or mothers were drunkards and when he heard stories about them, he felt a bit glad of his own father’s decision.

That explained a lot about why Kei had a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach as he watched his father pop the cap off the bottle. He stared at the beer in his hands for a moment before closing his eyes and taking a drink from it, then another, then another, then another. Kei looked down at his hands and found that they were shaking as he gripped the windowsill. His father put down the empty bottle beside his chair and got another one. Kei went back to his room before he could watch his father drink from it.

 

**|Now|**

Hinata was the first to react to the sight of his face.

“Whoa, Stingyshima. You got into a fight?” he asked, standing on his tiptoes to get a better view of the bruise on Kei’s face. The split lip had healed already but it still felt swollen. Luckily, none of his teeth were broken either.

“Shut up, I just walked into a pole,” Kei grumbled, pushing Hinata to the side with his hand before sitting down at his desk.

“That seems like a weird pole,” Kageyama muttered, frowning at the bruise. “And you don’t seem like the type of person who walks into poles either.”

“My brother was talking to me while we were walking and I got distracted.” That was a lie, of course. Kei hadn’t seen his brother in three years but Hinata and Kageyama didn’t need to know that.

“I walk into poles sometimes and get bruises from them,” Yamaguchi shrugged. His eyes glanced at the bruise on Kei’s chin but didn’t linger on it for long.

“I once rode my bike into a pole!” Hinata piped up.

“That’s because you’re a dumbass,” Kageyama deadpanned. Suddenly, the bell rang for the start of class and the teacher walked in. Hinata and Kageyama headed to their seats.

“What happened?” Yamaguchi whispered, turning his head to look at Kei.

“I’ll tell you later,” he said under his breath and turned his attention to the teacher, hoping that he would say something interesting enough to take his mind off things. He didn’t have too though, because Kei was too busy thinking about the AC//DC t-shirt that was in his bag.

Kei had been going to Vinyl for three years, ever since his brother left. He was a regular customer so obviously, he recognized the employees who worked at the store. There was this really loud guy with black-and-white striped hair who came over somewhat regularly. Another guy who was way more quiet than the other one and came to the shop on a few occasions. And there was the one who was always there when Kei came to the shop.

Kei guessed that he was the owner or at least the manager of the shop since he sometimes gave out orders to the two other guys. He also saw him maybe once or twice waiting tables at Bento Box, one of the restaurants in town that Hinata seemed to be crazy about. Kei knew he shouldn’t be surprised that the guy worked at the convenience store too since they lived in a pretty small town. But to see him, of all people, at that exact moment in that exact place felt like a sign to Kei. And he had experienced enough to know that one should never ignore signs.

The guy had practically saved Kei last night. His father said nothing as he handed the beer over to him before locking himself in his room. Kei sat on the floor with his back against his bed and continued to hold the ice pack against his bruise until the ice melted away. Leaving him with nothing but a numb bruise on his face, a wet shirt, and one burning question in his head.

Why had he decided to help him?

He had no reason to. He could have just ignored Kei and chosen not to sell him the beer. Kei expected that kind of scenario to happen. His father hit him. His mother hardly did anything about their situation. His brother abandoned them. His neighbors whispered amongst themselves and shared stories. Even his teachers gave him looks when they thought he wasn’t looking. Kei had experienced enough in this town to know that people, especially adults, could hardly be trusted.

Kei had thought he was doomed the moment he heard the guy say that he didn’t sell alcohol to minors. But after that, Kei pleaded with him once more and soon found his eyes meeting his. Kei didn’t know what it was but somehow, the guy knew and understood something.  In the end, it was a stranger who saved him. And to top it all off, he lent Kei his shirt.

Last night, Kei placed the wet shirt over a hanger and hung it on his doorknob to dry. It was a grey, sleeveless shirt with AC/DC’s band logo printed on it. Kei had it tucked away now in his bag between a few notebooks.

He was going to give it back later.

…

“Any news about a job applicant?” Keiji asked, leaning against the other side of the counter.

“No, except for Mr. Respect the Classics. But I don’t think any of us would want to hire him,” Tetsurou sighed, pushing back the bangs from his face only to have them flop over his forehead again.

“We’re definitely not getting him,” Keiji shook his head. Mr. Respect the Classics was another regular customer at Vinyl. Tetsurou, Keiji, and Koutarou all knew that his real name was Mr. Kawashima but Tetsurou nicknamed him ‘Mr. Respect the Classics’ since he was always buying records from old artists and ranting about ‘the inadequacy of the new generation’s tastes in music.’

“He might be fun to mess around with, though,” Tetsurou shrugged. “And he seems to know his stuff.”

“That’s true,” Keiji nodded. “But in less than a week he’ll be taking all the albums from the ‘New Releases’ section and burning them in a huge bonfire outside the shop.”

“Yeah, I’ve considered that thought too.”

“Akaaaaashiiiiiii!” Koutarou yelled, mangling up the pronunciation of Keiji’s name as he walked out of the office. Keiji rolled his eyes and sighed while Tetsurou smirked at him. Unlike him, Keiji had to spend more time babysitting Koutarou and helping him out with his homework. Even though Koutarou was a year older than him.

“What is it now, Bokuto-san?” he asked.

“I can’t figure out this problem,” Koutarou mumbled, walking up to Keiji and showing him his homework.

“Didn’t you just learn this today?” Keiji frowned, looking through his work.

“…No…”

“I guess Akaashi’s the real ‘senpai’ here, isn’t he Kou?” Tetsurou teased. Koutarou’s face fell.

“You’re right… Akaashi always helps me with my homework… How can I be a proper senpai if I can’t even do my own homework…” he murmured, hanging his head down.

“He’s in his ‘Dejected Mode’ again. Thanks a lot, Kuroo,” Keiji hissed.

“Fine, go ahead and help him out then,” Tetsurou said back.

“Don’t worry, Bokuto-san. I’ll help go over your notes with you…” Keiji led Koutarou back into the office.

“But I barely took notes…”

“…We’ll just work with what we have…” Tetsurou shook his head and chuckled as he watched the two of them, feeling only a slight stab of jealousy at the thought of them doing homework together. Just then, he heard the sound of the door opening and he looked up to find Tsukishima Kei inside the shop. Once again, the unforgettable events from last night flashed through his head. Freckles Guy wasn’t with him and Keiji and Koutarou were inside the office so the two of them were alone together again. The bruise was still there in all its purple glory.

Tsukishima made his way to the counter, opened his bag, and took out Tetsurou’s shirt. “I’m giving this back,” he said, handing it to him. “Thanks for letting me use it.”

“No problem,” Tetsurou shook his head and took it back. It was folded up neatly and he set it aside. Tsukishima held gripped the strap of his bag and stayed in place, looking as if he wanted to say something. Tetsurou decided to take the initiative to start some kind of conversation. “So… are you going to buy anything today?” he asked slowly.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m already here after all,” he shrugged.

“Well, we got a couple of new records in the ‘Blues’ section and also a few—“

“Why did you help me out last night?” Tsukishima blurted out, interrupting Tetsurou. “I’m not being ungrateful or anything but why did you still sell me that beer and lend your shirt to give me ice?” he asked.

‘It’s because you looked like you needed help,’ Tetsurou wanted to say. ‘That bruise was obviously given by the person who made you buy the beer. And because the look I saw in your eyes is the same look I see in the mirror every time I think about her.’ But Tetsurou bit those words back and put on a casual smile.

“I guess it’s because I believe in helping fellow fans of Madonna,” he smirked, seeing one of Tsukishima’s eyebrows twitch.

“First of all, that’s none of your business,” he hissed. Tetsurou was pleased to see a faint blush spread across his face. “And second of all, that was one year ago.”

“Relax, she’s a pretty great singer,” Tetsurou chuckled. “And don’t worry, your guilty little secret is staying with me.”

“Don’t you have anything better to do other than snoop over my music choices?” Tsukishima crossed his arms.

“Actually, no. As you may have noticed, things are a little boring around here so people like me need to look for their own amusements,” Tetsurou shrugged. “And I’m not going to judge you for any of your music choices, honestly they’re way better than any of the other customers who walk in here. Except maybe for the fact that you listen to country music.”

“What’s wrong with country music?”

“Other than the fact that they’re sung by middle-aged men who try to sound as if they’re teenage boys in the middle of puberty while strumming, er, I mean _hacking,_ their guitars, I guess no. There’s not a _single_ reason for me to not like country music,” Tetsurou said sarcastically.

“They don’t _hack_ their guitars,” Tsukishima huffed. “And the lyrics are very good, as a matter of fact.”

“Wow, you actually _understand_ the lyrics?”

“Yes, I do.” Tsukishima crossed his arms. “And today, I’ll be buying another country music CD.”

“How about you _don’t_ buy another country CD and I’ll recommend you something better and within your tastes,” Tetsurou offered.

“Like what?”

“Have you considered listening to a few indie artists?”

“No,” Tsukishima scoffed.

“Wow, you don’t like indie music. How could you not like indie music?” Tetsurou threw his hands in the air.

“Because they try so hard to sound different from everybody else when they actually do sound just like everybody else. And you can’t even understand the lyrics either.”

“God, you are so wrong,” Tetsurou shook his head. “Wait here.” He stepped away from behind the counter and headed to the ‘Indies’ shelf. He picked out a CD before heading back to the counter and placing it down in front of Tsukishima.

“Family of the Year,” Tetsurou grinned, tapping the plastic case. “Now this one is good.”

“Loma Vista?” Tsukishima read the title aloud.

“Great guitar playing, vocals that you can actually understand, and amazing lyrics,” Tetsurou informed him. “Listen to ‘Hero,’ that one’s my favorite.” Tsukishima looked at him doubtfully before nodding his head and giving in.

“Fine, I’ll take that one then.”

“Excellent choice. You won’t regret it,” Tetsurou grinned broadly and rang up the item on the cash register.

“I’m returning it if I don’t like it,” Tsukishima said, taking out his wallet and paying for the CD.

“Also…” Tetsurou paused, thinking about whether he should bring up the topic or not but deciding to do it anyway. “We have a job opening here at the store,” he finally said. Tsukishima looked up.

“I saw the sign,” he said. “Has nobody taken it yet?”

“Only Mr. Respect the Classics.”

“I have a very good guess on who that person is,” Tsukishima raised his eyebrows.

“Well I don’t think you’d want him watching over the store either if you were me,” Tetsurou continued. “So, I’m offering it to you. It’s just a part-time job and the shifts are on the afternoons on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. We accept high school students too. And hardly anyone comes here anyway so the job’s not really that hard. So… what do you think?” Tetsurou asked, handing the CD over to Tsukishima in a paper bag.

“Not a bad idea,” he shrugged, taking the paper bag. “But I’ll think about it.”

“Great, just come talk to me or any of the other employees once you’ve made up your mind.”

“Alright,” Tsukishima nodded. He was about to walk away when he stopped and seemed to realize something. “By the way… what’s your name? I never really got it…”

“Tetsurou. Kuroo Tetsurou,” he said, feeling glad that he decided to ask.

“My name’s—“

“No, I know. It’s Tsukishima Kei, right? Unless the name on that ID was also fake.” A hint of surprise registered itself on Tsukishima’s face before he nodded.

“Yeah. It’s real.”

 

**|Four Years Ago|**

A lot of things can change over the course of one year.

Kei liked to measure years in months and weeks and days, counting down until New Year and summer break and summer break wherein he had no school. He kept a calendar behind his door and at the end of the day, he’d write a big ‘X’ in red marker on the date. He’d been doing it every single year ever since he figured out how the calendar worked.

But not for this year.

Kei never checked the front porch again at night to see if his father was there because he assumed, or at least wanted to assume, that his father stopped doing it again. He kept that small bubble of hope alive and floating inside him until he took out the trash and found five beer bottles inside the garbage can. He could tell that his father tried to hide them since they were wedged between two other bags of garbage.

Along with counting the days, Kei found himself counting how many bottles of beer he would see inside the trashcan every week. The number of bottles grew and grew and grew until there were an average of about three or four per day instead of per week. At first they were hidden, until the day when Kei discovered them placed haphazardly inside the garbage can, almost as if they were thrown in. One of the bottles was broken.

Instead of counting down days and weeks and months, Kei found himself counting beer bottles. Soon, he came to find that beer bottles weren’t the only thing around that he could count. He counted the number of hours his mother worked per day. He counted the number of days he and Akiteru spent in Yamaguchi’s house per week. He counted the numbers of weeks per month his father drank and drank and drank. Kei held on to those numbers as his world began to unravel.

His father stopped throwing the bottles in the trash can anymore. Instead, there were cans stacked in the fridge that soon found their way outside his door empty. He stopped looking for jobs in the newspaper and going to interviews. His temper was shorter and his voice louder, echoing through the house and piercing Kei’s ears. 

And then there came the day when Kei stopped marking ‘X’s on his calendar. He stared long and hard at the calendar and realized that he should have also been counting down the months until his brother graduated.

 

**|Three Years Later|**

“Hey Tsukishima! Glad you made it!” his friend Ichiro grinned and high-fived him once Kei walked up to the house where a party had already started.

“Sure thing,” he shrugged. He always went to Ichiro’s parties since his friend always made him join. Kei never liked going to parties but he eventually grew into it, once he got used to the loud music and the sight of drunk people everywhere. But this time, Ichiro asked him if he could be the one in charge of the music as well. He offered to pay him too so Kei had another reason to join.

“Are those your records?” Ichiro asked leaning over the box that Kei brought over him.

“Yeah. I have a few CD’s too just in case,” he said. That was another plus about the ‘job’ he took. The people that Ichiro had invited over to the party requested the old-school kind of rock played on records which Kei was happy to supply.

“Cool. The equipment is in the backyard, all set up by Tanizaki. It actually looks pretty legit.” Ichiro grinned and took the long way around the house to the backyard. Kei ducked under a few trees, keeping his precious box of records close to his body. Outside, people were already handing out drinks and talking amongst themselves. Kei’s station was already set up with all the speakers plugged in and everything else. Tanizaki was already there, tweaking one of the speakers. When he saw Kei he spread his arms out at him and grinned.

“All yours, my friend,” he said. Kei set his box down and ran his fingers over the baseboard.

“You actually _own_ all of this?” he asked.

“I keep it in a special storage,” Tanizaki shrugged.

“Aka, his mom’s basement,” Ichiro leaned over and whispered.

“That explains it,” Kei shook his head.

“Well, I’ll leave you here to your business and just come to me if you need someone to take over for a while if you need.” Ichiro patted his shoulder and headed off to join the rest of the party.

“Expect a lot of people to take some requests too,” Tanizaki advised. “I think Queen’s a good choice to play first.”

“Sure,” Kei nodded and set his box on top of the baseboard.

“Here, have a beer first. Don’t want you getting thirsty,” Tanizaki said, pressing a cold, already open bottle of beer in one of Kei’s hands. Before he opened his mouth to protest, Tanizaki had already left to join the party.

Kei looked down at the beer in his hand. His childhood experience was more than enough to put him off alcohol for the rest of his life. That was why Ichiro was one of his closest friends in college. When Kei told him that he didn’t drink during his first college party, he simply handed him a can of soda and left it at that. No questions asked.

When Kei was younger, he blamed the reason for his father’s behavior on the alcohol. He used to imagine it as some kind of poison that rotted his father from the inside. If he stopped drinking the ‘poisonous’ alcohol, he’d stop being bad and revert to his old self. It was only later on when Kei began to realize that not having alcohol ‘poisoned’ his father too.

He knew now that the alcohol wasn’t the only thing to blame, it was his father. His father was the one who decided to give up on getting a job, the one who drove his brother out of the house, the one who yelled at his mother, the one who took out all his frustrations on Kei. The one who tried to drink his problems away until he eventually became the problem.

The alcohol wasn’t the problem, but a part of Kei still wanted to place the blame on it.

Kei held the bottle out over the ground and slowly began to tip it over. The beer from inside came pouring out of the opening, gurgling and splashing on the ground. He remembered the first time he saw his father drink outside on the front porch. Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he had chosen not to take that first sip. He wondered if his life would have turned out to be as broken as it actually is.

The bottle was empty now. Kei released his grip and watched stoically as the bottle fell to the ground and shattered into pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the song this chapter was named after is called 'Hero' by the band Family of the Year from their album Loma Vista. The song is also part of the soundtrack for the movie 'Boyhood.' All other bands and artists mentioned above are non-fictional.


	3. Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei skipped through the album until it began to play ‘Hero,’ the song Kuroo personally recommended. ‘How ironic,’ he thought, laying his head on top of his arms on the counter. It was a strange thought, but Kei had been thinking about it for quite some time already.
> 
> How many times was Kuroo Tetsurou going to save him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter yaaaayyyyy!!! Anyway, this one is pretty boring I guess but from now on there will be more kurotsukki interaction so I hope you all look forward to that. Thank you so much for reading and there will be a new chapter next week>

**|Now|**

Kei stood in front of Vinyl, staring at the poster posted on the window. It had the words ‘Help Wanted’ written on it in large black letters. But what caught Kei’s eye the most whenever he saw the poster was the small, cartoon drawing of an owl near the bottom corner of the sheet. There was a speech bubble next to the owl that said ‘HOO do we want? We want you!’ If Kei didn’t love Vinyl so much he would have burned the store down for that lame pun.

It was Saturday morning. Kei never liked Saturdays as much as he knew his friends did. School gave him an excuse to not stay at home which meant that on weekends, Kei had to find a way to not stay at home either. Yamaguchi always offered that he could stay at his house but he never accepted his invitation. He just didn’t feel like relying on him any further. Kei knew that his friend was worried for him and that he had only good intentions whenever he asked him. Yamaguchi’s family was glad to have him too. But somehow, it made Kei feel a little sick inside. It just reminded him of the fact that he really was too weak to do anything.

Which is exactly why he’s standing in front of Vinyl on a Saturday.

It gave him a reason to not stay at home and what’s more, he was also going to be paid for it. A little extra money would be great in Kei’s situation. He could help his mother out more and save the rest. Kei realized that he should have done this much earlier, especially if he was planning to leave once he was old enough. Just like what his brother did. But this time, he wasn’t going to leave his mother alone. Even if she could have done it much earlier and saved all the hell they had to go through.

Now, all he needed to do was wait for the store manager.

 

**|Ten Years Ago|**

“Mmm… is it… Jazz?” Tetsurou asked, squinting hard at the CD album that his uncle was holding in front of him.

“Right on!” he grinned. “You’re getting better at this, Tetsu.”

“Hehe…” Tetsurou smiled and rubbed the back of his head. “It was pretty hard to guess though. I was deciding between Jazz and Blues.”

“Hey, I think I spy your Mom’s car outside,” his uncle said. Tetsurou turned around and sure enough, he saw his mother’s familiar red pick-up truck roll into view outside Vinyl. He jumped out of his seat and headed for the door.

“Mom! Mom!” he called out, opening the door just as his mother stepped out of the car. She was wearing jeans and a flannel t-shirt with her tied up in a messy bun. Her previously tired-looking face lit up as a smile broke through once she saw her son.

“Tetsu! How was your day?” she asked, enveloping him in a hug.

“It was good. Uncle and I listened to music all day!” he grinned.

“Uh huh. And what time did he actually pick you up from school?” Behind them, Uncle Makoto leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I was just fifteen minutes late this time,” he said.

“Yeah. Just fifteen minutes,” Tetsurou piped up.

“Well, that’s a huge improvement from last time,” his mother chuckled, standing up. “Go get your stuff already. We’re going home.”

“Okay,” Tetsurou nodded and ran off back to the office to collect his things: his school backpack, his lunchbox, and the CDs that his uncle gave him. When he came back, his mother and uncle were talking by the doorway.

“See you again in school tomorrow, Tetsu,” his uncle said, smiling down at him and ruffling his hair.

“Okay! Bye uncle!” Tetsurou waved before his mother ushered him back to the pick-up truck.

 

**|Now|**

Tetsurou noticed Tsukishima’s tall figure even before he even parked the red pick-up truck just outside the store. Judging from the way he was staring at the ‘Help Wanted’ sign posted on the window, he seemed to be considering the job offer. Tetsurou switched off the engine and stuffed the keys in his pocket, feeling a mixture of both nervousness and happiness before stepping out of the car.

“So, are you considering it then?” he asked, walking up to stand beside the tall blonde. Tsukishima didn’t seem to be the least bit surprised at Tetsurou’s sudden appearance.

“You said I’ll be taking the shifts on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays,” Tsukishima began. “How long are they going to be?”

“Straight to business, huh?” Tetsurou rubbed his hands together. “Well on the weekday shifts, you’ll be taking the four-thirty to seven shift which will be about two hours and a half. And on Saturday Bokuto and Akaashi are here from five p.m. onwards. So you can be here from two p.m., which is when my job at Bento starts, until five. Sound good?” he asked.

“I can stay from nine until five,” Tsukishima shrugged. “I have nothing better to do anyway. What about Sundays?”

“Bokuto and Akaashi have got that covered,” Tetsurou said. “And don’t think about coming here on Sundays either. You’re a high school senior, aren’t you? Use your Sunday to study or something.” Tsukishima shot him an irritated look and Tetsurou raised his eyebrows at him in response.

“Alright,” he finally nodded. “How much are you going to pay me?”

“About that…” Tetsurou exhaled. “Well the store isn’t really super popular but we still make enough to make a bit of profit. Would six hundred yen an hour be okay?” he asked. Tsukishima mulled it over for a while before nodding his head, to Tetsurou’s relief.

“Yeah. That seems fair,” he said.

“Great. I guess you’re hired then,” Tetsurou grinned and took out the keys to the store. “All you really need to do is keep an eye out on the store, man the cash register; sort the shelves. Akaashi does all the accounting anyway so you don’t have to trouble yourself with that…”

“One question though…” Tsukishima spoke up just as Tetsurou unlocked the door. He pointed at the sign posted up on the window. “Who made the owl?”

“Oh, that…” Tetsurou rubbed the back of his head. “I drew it but it was all Bokuto’s idea.”

“Is he the one with the spiky hair?”

“The one and only.”

“And was he the one who thought of the pun?”

“Yeah…”

Tsukishima nodded his head. “I think I hate him.”

Tetsurou grinned and shook his head. “You’ll get used to it. Oh, and I almost forgot. You can play music in the store if you want to. Guess that’s one of the perks about this job, huh? Only CDs though, I left a stack for you there to listen to,” he said pointing behind Tsukishima. The taller boy looked behind and when he turned around, he was glaring at Tetsurou and holding up one of the CDs from the stack.

“Madonna? Seriously?”

“Have fun…” Tetsurou laughed.

 

**|Fifteen Years Ago|**

Tetsurou sat on the only chair inside Vinyl’s office. He had his knees up on the chair and a sketchbook propped up in front of him. The headphones over his ears played one of the CDs his uncle made for him, a playlist full of rock music that Tetsurou listened to daily. Right now, he was listening to ‘Californication,’ the fingers of his left hand tapping along to the beat while his right hand shaded a part of his drawing.

“Dream of Californication…” he sang under his breath when the door suddenly opened.

“Hey Tetsu. Your mom’s outside,” Uncle Makoto said, poking his head in.

“Okay.” Tetsurou closed his sketchbook and packed it away in his bag before lifting it over his shoulder.

“Draw something new today?” his uncle asked as the two of them walked to the shop entrance.

“Yeah,” Tetsurou nodded. It was a landscape this time, one he remembered seeing on a postcard when he and his mother went to his grandmother’s funeral in the country. His mother’s red pick-up truck was parked outside with the engine still on. He could see her waiting for him in the front seat.

“See you tomorrow, uncle,” Tetsurou waved before getting into the vehicle, taking the seat next to his mother.

“Hey kid,” she grinned, ruffling his hair in greeting. She put away the pad of paper she had been writing on. Tetsurou spotted the lists of numbers and easily guessed that she was counting how much money they would have by the end of the week after subtracting all the bills and other expenses they would have to pay.

“Hey Mom…” Tetsurou smiled back, gently swatting her hand away. She took hold of the steering wheel and stepped on the gas. She was still wearing her uniform for her cashier job at the supermarket. His mother worked two other jobs: one as an employee at a shopping mall two hours away and another one as a waitress at one of the breakfast places in town. On some days, she had enough time to fetch Tetsurou from Vinyl just before dinner. But on most, he was the one who headed home first and had dinner prepared for her. She looked especially tired now. He could see her high heels tucked on the seat beside her. Strands of hair had escaped from her ponytail and framed her face.

“Put some music on, will you?” his mother said.

“Sure.” Tetsurou leaned forward and turned on the car radio, adjusting the dial until it reached their favorite station. Suddenly, the familiar sound of ‘Under Pressure’s’ opening played through the car’s speakers. His mother grinned and bobbed her head.

“Now _that’s_ what I’m talking about,” she said, tapping her hands on the steering wheel in time to the beat.

“This song again,” Tetsurou groaned but smiled nonetheless.

“Tetsu, you don’t say ‘This song agaaaaain.’ You say ‘This song again!’” his mother laughed. “It’s one of the greatest songs and collaborations ever.” The first verse started and his mother sang along as she drove.

“But you play this song all the time,” Tetsurou rolled his eyes.

“Come on, don’t deny that you love this song too,” his mother grinned and lightly punched his shoulder. “Your dad and I—“

“Used to dance to this song during your prom,” Tetsurou finished. “I know. You’ve told me a hundred times.” His mother smiled and nodded her head.

“Come on, it’s almost our favorite part. You do Bowie and I’ll do Mercury,” she said as the chorus began to lead towards the bridge.

“Fine…” Tetsurou huffed, trying to sound bored even though he was also pretty excited for the bridge. “But I’ll do Mercury.”

“Take it away!” his mother cheered. Tetsurou waited until he heard the sound of the drumbeats before the bridge before singing.

“Insanity laughs, under pressure we’re cracking. Can’t we give ourselves one more chance? Why can’t we give love one more chance?” he sang, off-key no doubt and at the top of his lungs. “Why can’t we give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love..?” His mother sang next, doing David Bowie’s part in an equally loud and off-key voice.

“’Cause love’s such an old fashioned word and love dares you to care for the people on the…”

“Edge of the night…” Tetsurou joined in, grinning as he sang along to the rest of the song with his mother and the radio. This was what he loved most about music. For a while, he could see his mother forget about how tired she was and all the numbers in the notebook she kept. For a while, she looked just like she did years ago, when their dad was still around. And Tetsurou wondered if back then, his father had fallen in love with her when the two of them danced to this song.

“Wow, I wish there was just this one radio station that would replay the same song over and over again for those people who’d love to listen to it,” his mother sighed once the song ended. Tetsurou looked down at his CD player.

“I have the song on CD.”

“Really? Go and play it then. What are you waiting for,” his mother said impatiently.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m doing it.” Tetsurou took the CD out of his CD player and popped it in the pick-up truck’s stereo.

“Have you played it yet? I don’t hear it.”

“One second Mom.” Tetsurou grumbled and finally pressed play. When the song started playing his mother bobbed her head again to the beat.

“Time for round two!!” she cheered. Tetsurou groaned.

 

**|Now|**

“Okay so you think you can manage on your own?” Kuroo asked, standing next to Kei behind the counter.

“Yeah, I think so,” he nodded, pushing his glasses up his nose. “It’s just one big calculator basically.”

“That’s right. But I doubt you’ll be using it anyway since not a lot of people come by during this time. You can like do whatever you want while waiting though like homework or reading, as long as you’re at the front desk.”

“Alright. Anything else I need to know?” Kei asked, sitting down on the tall stool behind the counter that made him seem even taller.

“Oh, if any burglars come, feel free to use the ‘Dark Knight,” Kuroo said, pointing towards the counter. Kei looked down and pulled out an aluminum baseball bat that had been spray-painted black. The words ‘Dark Knight’ had been painted along its length in white paint and black, paper bat wings were stuck near the base of the handle.

“This thing?” Kei asked, turning the bat this way and that.

“Yeah, it was Bokuto’s idea. But I guess you figured that out already,” Kuroo smiled sheepishly. “You know, he called it ‘Dark Knight’ since it’s a bat and the guy holding it would be a ‘bat man’ technically…”

“God, that’s terrible,” Kei groaned, putting the bat away.

“Don’t worry, this isn’t the worst of it,” Kuroo reassured him. “Well, see you later. I’m trusting you won’t burn down the store.”

“Yeah,” Kei nodded before Kuroo left for his other job, leaving him alone in a store full of records and CDs. No way was he going to listen to the Madonna CDs that Kuroo left so he brought out his CD player and listened to Loma Vista, the album he bought just a few days ago on his request. He actually ended up liking the album a lot, even if it was an indie album. He looked around the store, wondering what the next recommendation was going to be. Not that he was going to ask for one.

Kei skipped through the album until it began to play ‘Hero,’ the song Kuroo personally recommended. ‘How ironic,’ he thought, laying his head on top of his arms on the counter. It was a strange thought, but Kei had been thinking about it for quite some time already.

How many times was Kuroo Tetsurou going to save him?

 

**|One Month Later|**

“Hmmm… there’s something missing…” Kuroo murmured, leaning across the counter beside where Kei stood as he finished serving a customer.

“What?” Kei asked, frowning at him. “I printed out a receipt and everything.”

“No, it’s not that,” Kuroo shook his head, cocking his head to the left. “Hmmm… let me think. Oh, I got it!” he snapped his finger.

“Attitude.”

“Attitude?” Kei repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah!” Kuroo nodded. “I think you need to be a lot more welcoming.”

‘Welcoming?’ Kei thought. He knew perfectly well, based on Hinata’s multiple complaints, that he wasn’t the nicest person on Earth. Neither was he the warmest, or most cheerful, or most polite. And he didn’t necessarily aim to be one either. Sure he teased and made fun of Hinata and Kageyama a lot, but there were also lines that he didn’t step over. Sometimes, on rare occasions, he would go out of the way to help out his friends or his mother. He knew he wasn’t a bad guy but, he wasn’t the type to be ‘welcoming’ towards strangers. Still, Kuroo had a point. He was working at the counter after all.

“Okay, how do I become more ‘welcoming’ then?” Kei asked.

“You could start by smiling,” Kuroo offered, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. Kei found himself staring at his arms again and snapped his gaze away.

“Smiling?” he swallowed.

“Yeah. You know, turn the usual Tsukishima frown upside-down. Smiling,” Kuroo said. “See? Smile.” He flashed a grin. Kei looked away.

“Is that necessary? Can’t I just be like extra polite or something?” he asked.

“Nope. Bokuto and I both smile when we greet our customers by the counter. You’ve seen it right?” Kei had, almost a hundred times. He could hardly make himself look away whenever it was Kuroo’s  turn at the counter, especially when he was smiling to greet the customer. It was one of his genuine smiles that made Kei’s stomach turn. He tried not to think too much about it.

“Well, how about Akaashi then? Why don’t you bug him?” Kei asked. “I don’t see him standing behind the counter much and smiling.”

“Oh, God no,” Kuroo shook his head wildly. “He looks way too beautiful whenever he smiles. He’ll practically kill a god if he does that, much less a customer.”

“Is that why he always fixes the shelves and does the accounting?” Kei asked.

“Yes. We don’t want to render Bokuto incapable either,” Kuroo chuckled. “But anyway, try it out. Smile for once.”

“My cheeks are going to hurt.”

“They’ll only hurt if you smile like a crazy person. Just a normal small smile,” Kuroo said. “Think of something happy. “

“Something happy?” Kei scoffed.

“Yeah. What makes you happy anyway? Crying children? Seeing other people trip on the street? Heavy metal? Death? Kittens?” Kuroo listed off, each suggestion sounding more preposterous than the last.

“Very funny,” Kei rolled his eyes. Kuroo smiled sneakily at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Madonna?”

“Shut up,” Kei fumed.

“Okay, okay,” Kuroo lifted his hands in surrender. “But I’m serious though. You need to smile to the customers to seem more welcoming and in order to smile, you need to think of something that makes you happy. “

“Fine…” Kei huffed.

“Come on, practice it. Practice it,” Kuroo pressed. “Say ‘Thank you for buying’ and then smile.” Kei shot him a glare but decided to follow through anyway. He remembered that he used to smile a lot too when he was a kid. But that kid from before hadn’t seen the things Kei had seen.

He inhaled and tried to think of something happy. He remembered the time when Akiteru got him a CD player for his birthday. It was a second-hand one that he bought from a fellow classmate but still in pretty good condition. Kei remembered opening the gift in his bedroom at twelve a.m. in the morning, peeling through the messy gift-wrapping until he finally got to the treasure underneath.

Kei smiled. “Thank you for buying,” he said, not as enthusiastically as Kuroo probably expected but enthusiastically enough for someone like him. The smile disappeared as easily at came and he looked at Kuroo for approval.

“How was that?” he asked. He couldn’t read the expression on Kuroo’s face as he stared at him. Finally, he shook his head, as if trying to clear his head, before replying.

“To be honest, smiling looks kind of scary on you.”

“What?” Kei asked, frowning. “You just told me to smile, didn’t you? And I did. What was wrong with it?”

“Well you see…” Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck. “You frown so much, smiling looks unnatural on you.”

“I kind of hate you now too,” Kei deadpanned.

“Hey, don’t say that Kei. It’s not a _bad_ smile.”

“Whatever.”

 

**|Now|**

Bokuto and Akaashi arrived at exactly five p.m. Kuroo had already explained earlier that day that Bokuto was the annoying guy with the striped, spiky hair and Akaashi was the quiet one with wavy brown hair. The two of them seemed to be pretty surprised when they entered the shop to find Kei sitting at the counter. Well to be more exact, Akaashi was the one who was pretty surprised while Bokuto seemed to get the wrong idea.

“WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO TETSU!!!” he yelled, pointing a finger at Kei who blinked in surprise.

“No, wait. Kuroo—“

“AKAASHI GET THE DARK KNIGHT I’LL DISTRACT HIM!!!” Bokuto interrupted. He rolled up his sleeves, revealing biceps that were quite muscled and Kei almost thought that he would be beat up for sure when Akaashi stopped his friend by grabbing his shirt collar.

“Bokuto-san, I think he’s the new employee that Kuroo-san hired,” he explained calmly. “Nobody can enter the store without a key and there are no windows broken.”

“Yeah. Kuroo gave me the job,” Kei added.

“Oh…” Bokuto calmed down, his arms falling down to his sides. He laughed and rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry, I guess I panicked a little.”

‘A little?’ Kei thought.

“You’re one of our regulars here,” Akaashi said. “I’ve seen you around here a few times.”

“Yeah,” Kei nodded. “Kuroo offered me the job so I came to take it.”

“Well, congratulations then,” Akaashi gave a small smile and reached out a hand out. Kei shook it. “I look forward to working with you.”

“Me too,” he nodded.

“Hey hey hey!!” Bokuto burst in. “Nice to meet you too!! What’s your name?”

Kei leaned away from him and adjusted his glasses. “Tsukishima Kei,” he answered.

“So you’re taking the Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday afternoon shifts, right?” Akaashi asked, pulling Bokuto back by his shirt collar again.

“Yeah,” Kei nodded and checked his watch. “And I think my shift now is done as well.”

“You can stay with us!” Bokuto piped up.

“Um, no thanks…” Kei declined. “I have to be home soon actually.”

“Did you use the accounting book earlier?” Akaashi asked, pointing at the counter.

“Yeah,” Kei said. “Only three people came here to buy stuff. I wrote it all down there.”

“Very good,” Akaashi nodded. “I guess I’ll see you after your Wednesday shift then.”

“And I’ll see you on Tuesdays and Fridays,” Bokuto waved just as Kei was headed for the door. He sighed, knowing that he’d rather see Akaashi than loud Bokuto.

“See you,” he nodded, bowing his head slightly before leaving the shop.

 

**|Two Years Later|**

Even though he was basically miles away from his former home and town, Tetsurou found himself working again at a convenience store. Not that he was complaining though, convenience store jobs were easy compared to restaurant jobs. They didn’t pay very much but Tetsurou’s shifts in the afternoon and evening were enough to get him by.

There were a lot more customers during these shifts so he didn’t have the chance to listen to music while working. He tried that out two weeks ago but the manager told him off for it. So now he had to resort standing idly by the counter, mopping the floor a hundred times when he got too bored, or re-shelving things.

Earlier, a bunch of college kids had passed by the store, looking for chips and drinks to bring to a party. So naturally, everything was a mess once they left, as if a tornado had passed through the shop. Tetsurou’s OCD senses had kicked in so he began to busy himself by fixing the bags of chips on the shelves when he heard the sound of the door opening. Tetsurou put down what he was holding and walked back to the counter.

The customer was standing in front of the refridgerator section, holding the door open while looking for a drink. He had his back to Tetsurou but the sight of his tall frame and blonde hair made him freeze in his tracks.

‘Impossible,’ Tetsurou thought, feeling his breath hitch in his thought. He took a step forward when the customer finally turned around. The resemblance ended there. The customer didn’t wear glasses and his eyes were black instead of amber-colored. He had a sprinkle of freckles over his nose and a pimple on his chin.

He was wrong. It wasn’t Kei.

Tetsurou went back to the counter and the customer paid for his drink before leaving. ‘Impossible, like I said,’ he reminded himself. He knew that perfectly well, but it didn’t stop him from hoping that somehow, if the Universe was kind enough, Kei would come back. That he would miraculously appear on the other side of the street, or in an elevator, or at line in a café.

But so far, it hasn’t happened.

 

**|Now|**

Tetsurou opened the door to his store to find Koutarou at the counter with Keiji sitting next to him, looking over the accounting book. He looked around for Tsukishima but saw that he wasn’t there.

“Hey, Tetsu!!” Koutarou perked up and waved at him.

“Hey,” Tetsurou nodded and plopped his bag on the counter and leaned against it. His arms hurt from carrying trays of food all day so he stretched them up over his head.

“So, you got a new employee today,” Keiji said, not looking up from the notebook.

“Oh yeah, Tsukishima Kei,” Tetsurou said. “Is he still here?” he asked, somewhat hopefully.

“Nah, he left already,” Koutarou shook his head. “But he seems pretty cool though. He has glasses so he must be smart too!” he said enthusiastically.

“Oh, he did…” Tetsurou mumbled, feeling slightly disappointed. He had hoped to see him again to ask how his first day of work was.

“Did you think of notifying us when he did?” Keiji asked, finally looking up at him.

“Oh… I guess not,” Tetsurou grinned apologetically. “Sorry, my bad. It must have been a bit of a surprise for you to see him here.”

“Bokuto-san almost beat him up,” Keiji deadpanned.

“I was going to use Dark Knight!!” Koutarou piped up. “But I didn’t since Akaashi stopped me. I could have though…”

“Thank god you didn’t…” Tetsurou breathed out and hung his head.

“Well, he seems to be a good employee,” Keiji said, standing up and closing the accounting notebook. “He wrote down everything here and nothing seems to be missing from the cash register. You could have entertained that idea too before you hired him, Kuroo-san. There was the possibility of him stealing whatever was here, I’m just glad he didn’t.”

“I knew he wouldn’t steal anything,” Tetsurou said.

“How?”

“Intuition,” he shrugged.

“And he comes here often!” Koutarou added. “I would trust him too, if it were me. “

“Just be more cautious next time,” Keiji shook his head.

“Will do,” Tetsurou nodded.

“Then, I’ll be going now.” Keiji carried his shoulder bag and stepped out from behind the counter. “See you tomorrow, Kuroo-san, Bokuto-san.”

“I’ll walk with you home,” Koutarou blurted out, getting his bag as well.

“You don’t have to, Bokuto-san,” Keiji said. “You live near here already.”

“I’ll just walk with you to the train station, Akaashi,” Koutarou pressed.

“Fine then,” Keiji gave in. Tetsurou crossed his arms over his chest and watched the exchange with a smile on his face. Koutarou had had a crush on Keiji for years, ever since high school. He still hadn’t worked up the courage to tell him, despite Tetsurou’s encouragements, and Keiji was pretty much oblivious to his feelings, despite the fact that he was so smart. The tension between the two of them was incredibly frustrating but, Tetsurou chose to keep his hands off and wait for things to happen instead. He was positive that it would all work out eventually.

“See you tomorrow Tetsu!” Koutarou waved as he opened the door for Keiji.

“Please be early for once,” Tetsurou sighed.

“You know alarms don’t work on me,” Koutarou groaned.

“Fine, I’ll call you. Just don’t stay up late watching funny animal videos.”

“I won’t, I won’t,” Koutarou said before he closed the door behind him. Tetsurou shook his head, knowing that he was going to anyway. He walked back to the counter to lock up the cash register. On his way, he passed by the stack of CDs stacked behind the counter. He stopped there, wondering if Tsukishima listened to any of them. But the stack of Madonna CDs wasn’t the only thing there. There was another stack next to it. Tetsurou picked up the topmost CD and smirked.

It was a ‘Top 50 Best Country Songs’ CD.

 


	4. Love, Love, Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Making a playlist just means putting a bunch of songs together. Anyone can do that,” Tetsurou explained. “Making a mixtape, now that’s an art. You don’t just mix songs together on a CD, you arrange them. Structure them in such a way that takes the listener on a journey.” Tsukishima finished bandaging Tetsurou’s hand and looked up at him with a curious expression on his face.
> 
> “That’s a pretty good explanation actually,” he said. “But again, I can’t take you seriously with that cat t-shirt, and the Batman bandages.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyy fourth chapter already! So things are starting to go down and we get to learn more about Kuroo's past and everything. Anyway, I forgot to put it in the notes but the chapter title for the last chapter is based on the song 'Under Pressure' by David Bowie and Queen.

**|Three Years Ago|**

“Tetsurou? Are you leaving?” his mother asked, her voice no louder than a whisper. Tetsurou was standing by the window, drawing down the blinds just enough to let a bit of light shine into the dimly lit room. He went back to his mother, sitting down on a chair at the side of the bed.

“Yeah. My exam starts at ten but I think you’re supposed to be there at least an hour before,” he said, grasping one of his mother’s hands in his own. She had grown much thinner ever since she got pneumonia. He could almost feel every bone in her hand so he tried not to squeeze it too tightly, for fear of maybe breaking it.

Looking at her now, Tetsurou found it hard to remember the strong, energetic woman she once was.. His mother was as pale as the sheets and pillow on her bed. Her hair, which used to be as wild and crazy as Tetsurou’s hung in limp, thin strands around her face. What he hated more was seeing the rise and fall of her chest and hearing her labored breathing through the oxygen mask on her face. Sometimes he found himself counting them, wondering how many more she had left until she breathed her last.

“Good luck out there, okay?” she said, smiling weakly at Tetsurou.

“Thanks. I’m crossing my fingers,” he grinned, showing his crossed fingers. His mother chuckled weakly before wheezing in another breath.

“Will you be going to work after?” she asked.

“I have to,” Tetsurou sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Ever since his mother got sick, she had to quit all of her jobs leaving no source of income for them except for Uncle Makoto’s occasional donations. That left Tetsurou being the only one to step in for the two of them. The past few months have been hell for him, having to juggle his jobs and studying for entrance exams at the same time.

“But at least I’m getting my paycheck today too,” he added. “Then I could buy something for us to eat and celebrate with.”

“I’d rather have you here… Can’t you come back sooner?” his mother murmured, her hand squeezing Tetsurou’s with what little strength she had. He covered her hand with his other hand.

“I’ll come back as soon as I can, I promise,” he said. “I’ll come back.”

“I know you will,” his mother smiled.

“Well, I’ll be going now.” Tetsurou stood up and gently let go of his mother’s hand. It dropped weakly to her side. “I’ll see you later.” He walked to the door.

“Come back soon,” his mother called just before he left. Tetsurou closed the door behind him, his mother’s words rang in his head but at that moment, he was unaware that those would be the last words he would ever hear from her.

 

**|Now|**

Kei entered the shop to find Kuroo sitting behind the counter, nodding his head and pretending to listen to the famous ‘Mr. Respect-the-Classics’  as he ranted about something again. Kuroo looked up when Kei came in, rolling his eyes and smiling that half-smile he did all the time.

“You’re early again today,” he commented, eyes trained on Kei as he walked to the office to place his schoolbag in. Mr. Respect the Classics took the paper bag of records from him and left the store, still muttering the rest of his rant to himself.

“The school’s pretty near here,” Kei shrugged. “What did that guy want this time?” he asked, inclining his head toward the door that had just closed shut.

“More Alice Cooper records,” Kuroo said, pushing his bangs off his forehead and frowning when they flopped back in place. “God, if I have to listen to one more Miley Cyrus rant I swear to God I will actually make use of the ‘Dark Knight.’”

“You shouldn’t. He’s one of the only reasons why you’re still in business after all,” Kei smirked. He had been working already in Vinyl for about a month. Kuroo and Bokuto had quickly filled him in on stories about all their regular customers and the ‘Do’s’ and ‘Don’ts’ he had to pay attention to when dealing with them. He had even learned about all their nicknames for them. Apparently, Yamaguchi was called ‘Freckles Guy’ and he had been called ‘Megane-kun.’ Kei couldn’t figure out who had given the nickname, Kuroo or Bokuto.

“God, don’t remind me,” Kuroo groaned and laid his head on the counter, stretching his arms out forward.

“Hey, you have to get going soon,” Kei nudged him. “Your job starts in half an hour.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Thanks for stating the obvious, Tsukishima Kei,” Kuroo said sarcastically. Kei resisted the urge to pull the stool out from underneath him.

“Just get out of here already so that I can do the job you’re paying me for,” he said.

“Hey, I’m technically your boss,” Kuroo straightened up and looked at him. “You shouldn’t talk to your boss that way.”

“How can I treat you like my boss when I can’t even take you seriously?” Kei deadpanned.

“What? How is this not serious enough for you?” Kuroo asked, gesturing to himself.

“I don’t know, your cat poster t-shirt maybe?” Kei raised an eyebrow, pointing at Kuroo’s chest. He was wearing a t-shirt with an image of kitten holding its paws out in the air with the words ‘Believe’ under it. It was the most ridiculous thing Kei had ever seen.

“Hey, don’t judge the cat shirt.” Kuroo crossed his arms over his shirt protectively.

“Whatever,” Kei shook his head. “Just get to work already before your boss fires you.”

“Aw, you’re worried about me,” Kuroo, smiled and placed a hand over his heart. Kei didn’t bat an eye. He was already used to Kuroo’s annoying antics. Finally, he got off the stool and made his way out of the counter.

“Oh, almost forgot,” Kuroo said, backpedaling and taking out a stack of CDs before placing them in front of Kei. “Here are your music recommendations for the day.” Kei rifled through the stack, recognizing a Billy Joel album and an Elton John collection first. He frowned and held up one of the CDs.

“Lionel Richie? Seriously?” he asked. Kuroo stuck his hands in his jeans pockets and shrugged.

“What? He’s a classic,” he replied.

“So it’s an 80’s theme today? I’ve already listened to most of these.”

“Not really. You haven’t looked through the whole stack there,” Kuroo said, leaning over his shoulder and taking the stack from him. He shuffled through the stack and placed one of the CDs in Kei’s hands.

“Of Monsters and Men?” he read aloud. “Let me guess, indie?”

“Eh, not so much,” Kuroo said. “I guess they’re more on the Alternative Rock side. I thought you’d like that more compared to the usual indie acoustic you seem to hate so much.”

“Hmmm… this seems okay,” Kei murmured as he read the song titles on the back. “Have you listened to the ones I left yesterday?” he asked. He and Kuroo had started exchanging music recommendations ever since his first week at work by leaving stacks of CDs at the counter.

“Oh yeah,” Kuroo nodded. “Years and Years sounded really incredible.” Kei smiled a little bit.

“How about Kodaline?” he asked.

“Hmm… not really sure how I feel about them yet. I like how it sounds and everything but I don’t know about the lyrics,” Kuroo said.

“Listen to the acoustic version of ‘Love like This.’ Maybe it will change your mind.”

“Noted,” Kuroo grinned and nodded before leaving the shop. Kei watched from behind the counter as he got into his red pick-up truck and drove out of the place to his other job. The waiter job at Bento Box, if he remembered correctly. And then after that it was his job at the convenience store. Kei wondered when Kuroo ever stopped working.

No matter how many times he tried to hide it, Kei could clearly see how tired he actually was all the time. Several times, he caught him falling asleep with his head on the counter. Whenever that happened, Kei didn’t even bother trying to wake him up. In fact, he tried to work as quietly as possible and played something calm and soothing in the shop instead. But when Kuroo woke up he’d end up complaining about Kei not waking him up.

He looked down at the CD that Kuroo pressed into his hands. He popped it into his CD player, placed the headphones over his ears, and listened.

 

**|Four Years Ago|**

Kei walked up to his brother’s door and knocked twice. “Nii-chan?” he asked, his voice almost as soft as a whisper. He heard shuffling behind the door and the sound of footsteps before the door opened to reveal his brother’s tired-looking face.

“Kei,” he smiled, opening the door a little wider. “What’s happening out there?” he asked in a lower voice. Kei gazed fearfully down the corridor.

“We ran out of beer again,” he whispered. “Can I stay in your room?”

“Sure, get in,” Akiteru said, ushering him inside the room before closing and locking the door behind him. Kei sat down on his bed with a comic book and his CD player with him. His mother was out working so it was just the two of them with their father in the house. During these times, Kei knew it was better if he and Akiteru stayed together. In his mind, he had established ‘safe zones’ in the house. The ‘safe zones’ consisted of places that had locked doors to protect him. There were his bedroom, the bathroom and even the small closet in the kitchen that was converted into a storage room. But the best ‘safe zone’ was Akiteru’s room, simply because of the fact that Akiteru was always there. His brother sat back down at his desk.

“Nii-chan, is that homework?” Kei asked, looking at him from his place on the bed.

“Yeah, it’s math homework. Pre-Calculus is hell,” his brother chuckled. “Are you finished with your homework?”

“Yeah. I did it once I got here,” Kei answered, placing his headphones over his head. He was listening to Queen again. It always helped him forget whenever his father was in one of his moods. He opened his comic book and went back to reading from the page he had left.

“Listening to music again?” his brother asked.

“Uh huh…” he replied.

“Queen?”

“Yep.”

“Man, I wish we could play something out loud instead,” Akiteru sighed. Kei put his comic book down and looked over at his brother’s record player, abandoned and collecting dust on his nightstand. Their father was the one who gave it to him on his birthday. But now, he hated the sound of music playing, especially when he had a hangover.

“What would you play if you could?” Kei asked, looking up at the ceiling as he listened to the sound of ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ on his headphones.

“Mmm… something classic. Like, the Eagles. That would sound nice,” his brother mused.

“Is it because this place seems like a Hotel California?” Kei joked. Akiteru turned around to grin at him.

“Well, where would you rather be? Hotel California or here?”

“Hotel California,” Kei answered. Akiteru looked down.

“Me too,” he agreed. Kei bit his bottom lip as silence fell between them. His brother’s question echoed through his head. ‘Where would you rather be? Hotel California or here?’ Hotel California had the Devil, his house had his father. A year ago, Kei would never have thought about comparing these two. But that was before, and a lot could happen in one year. He still believed that his kind, smiling, father was still around somewhere, buried deep under all those poisonous thoughts and words. Kei still wanted to get him out, he had to get him out. And they would all be a family again. And they would all eat breakfast together on Sunday morning with one of his father’s old Elvis records playing on Akiteru’s record players.

Kei’s fingers found the ‘Stop’ button on his CD player and pressed it, cutting off the sound of Freddie Mercury’s singing; leaving him alone with the silence and his own thoughts.

…

A few minutes later, Kei found himself falling asleep on his brother’s bed without entirely meaning to. Akiteru covered him with a blanket and let him be, deciding to let him stay in his room until their father had gone back to sleep.

When Kei woke up, the first thing he saw was his mother tucking him into bed. She was still wearing her green nurse scrubs and her brown hair was tied up in a bun. Gently, she removed his glasses and placed them on the table beside his bed along with his comic book, CD player, and headphones. He blinked sleepily at her and yawned.

“Where’s dad?” Kei murmured, rubbing his eyes.

“He’s asleep, dear. It’s okay now. You don’t have to worry about him,” she whispered, pushing his hair back from his forehead.

“He was angry earlier,” he continued. “We ran out of beer.”

“He’s okay now. I already bought some more.” His mother pursed her lips and looked down. Kei frowned.

“But the beer is the reason why he’s like that, isn’t it? Shouldn’t we stop him from drinking it?” he asked.

“It’s much more complicated than that…” his mother sighed before continuing, knowing that Kei was mature enough to handle it. “When he drinks, he does it to forget about his problems but you’re right, it doesn’t have a good effect either. But when he doesn’t drink he starts to remember all those problems and it makes him angrier.”

“There’s not much of a difference then…” Kei mumbled, looking down at his hands.

“There isn’t,” his mother shook her head.

“Have you thought about leaving him?” he asked, not daring to look up at her. He knew what divorce was, some of his classmates had parents who were separated and not living together anymore. He figured that it was something couples did sometimes when they no longer wanted to be together. Kei wondered if his parents no longer wanted to live together anymore, if they no longer loved each other like they did before. His mother unknotted her hair from her bun, letting it spill down her shoulders as she ran her fingers through it.

“I have thought about it, Kei,” she said quietly. “But I also want to give your father another chance. Right now, he’s really having a tough time because of losing his job and everything. I know he must hate himself right now too because he’s turned into someone like your grandfather, the one person he didn’t want to be. But right now, all he can do is try to forget.” His mother reached her hand out and squeezed Kei’s.

“Right now, we have to help your father in any way we can,” she said.

“But how?” Kei asked. “You just said that we can’t take away his beer even though it’s the problem. How are we going to help him?” His mother looked up at him and squeezed his hand even tighter. Even in the darkness of his room, Kei could see the helplessness in his mother’s eyes and felt the fear wash over him. All his life, he believed that grown-ups had the answer to everything, that they always knew what to do when things went bad. And seeing his mother not knowing what to do made Kei fear for what was going to happen in the future.

Tears began to roll down his mother’s face and she let go of Kei’s hand to hastily wipe them away. Slowly, he leaned forward, kneeling on his bed, and wrapped his arms around his mother. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed, her hand clamped over her mouth to muffle the sounds of her crying.

 

**|Three Years Ago|**

Tetsurou held the broom with both hands, sweeping the dry leaves off the sidewalk outside the restaurant. The manager for Bento Box never allowed him to listen to music so he whistled instead to give himself something to listen to. Right now, he was trying to pour all of his concentration into sweeping the leaves into neat piles before brushing them into a black garbage bag. Trying not to think about the entrance exam he just took earlier, trying not to think about whether he’ll have enough money to make it through the week, trying not to think of his mother lying in the hospital bed.

Tetsurou craved distraction. He listened to music at high volumes to crowd his head with voices instead of his own worrying thoughts. He studied hard until he fell asleep thinking about formulas and numbers and definitions and facts. He worked during his free time until the ache in his arms and feet drove away any other thoughts.

But distractions were like swords, they were only as good as the person dealing them. And Tetsurou found himself failing at that more and more recently. Eventually, reality seeped in. Like water flowing in through cracks in the floor.

His mother’s condition was getting worse, that was the reality. The doctors told him that there might still be hope if she was moved to a better hospital, somewhere in the city maybe. The good thing about that news was that he knew about it in advance, months before his mother took a turn for the worst. For months, Tetsurou had been working a bunch of different jobs, collecting and saving money so that he could send his mother to a better hospital. It was a race against time but Tetsurou was already near his goal. If he could get a scholarship in a college close to the city, he and his mother both could move there.

‘As long as she gets better,’ Tetsurou told himself as he swept the last bunch of leaves into the black garbage bag. He paused and stretched before checking his watch. One more hour until the end of his shift. He promised his mother earlier that day that he would bring something over for them to eat. Back when Tetsurou was younger, he and his mother would pass by a French bakery once a week to buy something for dessert on Sunday nights. His mother loved the French macarons best, especially the pistachio-flavored ones.

‘I’ll pick up a box of them later,’ Tetsurou thought, smiling as he tied up the black garbage bag full of leaves. Just as he was about to carry the bag to the trash, his mother’s red pick-up truck pulled up at the sidewalk in front of him. Right now, it was being taken care of by his Uncle Makoto since his mother couldn’t drive but Tetsurou was the one who was going to inherit it once he was old enough to drive. He paused and set the garbage bag back down on the sidewalk. The door open and his uncle stepped out. Tetsurou greeted him.

“Hey uncle, I’m almost done with my shift here and—“

“Tetsurou,” his uncle interrupted him. The rest of his sentence died on his lips once he heard the tone of his uncle’s voice. Tetsurou saw the look on his uncle’s face, the way his eyes looked at him sadly and pityingly, the way his mouth was set in a grim line. Tetsurou found himself remembering the night when his uncle told him that his father had left his mother.

Tetsurou felt as if his insides were being torn apart, still he tried to speak. “Mom?” he managed to croak out, looking at his uncle, searching for some kind of sign. His uncle shook his head.

Tetsurou sank down to his knees, feeling the tears running down his face before he even made a sound.

 

**|Now|**

Tetsurou fell asleep standing up again with his back leaning against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest. It was a pretty slow day in the restaurant with very little customers around and most of the staff on hand as well. They were the perfect conditions for Tetsurou to fall asleep, until he had the misfortune of the manager, Mr. Aoyama, walking past him while he was asleep. His manager stood in front of him with his arms crossed before snapping a finger in front of his face.

Startled, Tetsurou’s head snapped up and he shook his head quickly to get the drowsiness away. After a few slow blinks, he began to make out the shape of Mr. Aoyama standing in front of him and knew he was in deep trouble.

“Mr.—“

“Stop, I don’t want to hear it,” Mr. Aoyama cut him off, holding a hand up in front of him. Tetsurou bit back his tongue. His manager heaved in a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking up at him.

“Tetsurou,” he began in a threateningly calm voice. “Do you know how much I pay you per hour?”

“One thousand, five hundred yen per hour, sir,” Tetsurou answered, avoiding his manager’s gaze.

“Right, I’m glad you know that. I pay you that amount of money to work, not fall asleep. Even if we are having a slow day today.”

“Yes sir,” Tetsurou nodded. “I’ll get right to it.”

“Thank you,” Mr. Aoyama said and pointed to a table behind him that had just been left by a family. “You can start by clearing this table.” And with that, he stalked off. Tetsurou sighed, glad that he managed to escape that encounter without such an extensive lecture.

“Glad you managed to escape that,” his co-worker Kazuo said, grinning impishly at him as he looked over a pile of receipts behind a counter.

“It could have been worse,” Tetsurou shook his head, picking up a tray and heading to the table.

“Maybe you should take a day off, Kuroo,” Kazuo continued. “That’s the third time you’ve fallen asleep today. People need at least eight hours of sleep, you know?”

“I’d do it if I could,” Tetsurou muttered under his breath as he piled the dirty dishes on the tray next to eight or ten empty glasses. The previous customers ordered quite a lot of drinks. After loading his tray, he hefted it up, balancing it on his shoulder and hand before turning around and colliding right into another person in his path. “Shit!” he cursed, hearing the sound of glass breaking on the floor behind him before falling down. Pain shot up his hands as they landed on the broken glass beneath him. Tetsurou looked up to see who he knocked into and scowled when he saw that it was Shogo, one of the cooks who worked in the kitchen. He was large and stocky with a nasty temper. Right now, he was still standing and glaring down at Tetsurou, as if he hadn’t been knocked into earlier.

“Kuroo! You okay?” Kazuo asked, rushing over to him from behind the counter. Almost all of the diners were looking at the source of the commotion. Tetsurou held his hands up in front of him to survey the damage. There were multiple cuts on his palms and fingers with pieces of broken glass embedded in the skin. Trickles of blood ran down them. Tetsurou took out a piece of glass and winced.

“Geez, we might need to get that looked at,” Kazuo commented. Tetsurou looked up at Shogo and glared.

“Hey, aren’t you going to apologize for this or something?” he snapped.

“You should have watched where you were going,” Shogo said in his slow, dumb voice.

“Wow, you’re right I should have,” Tetsurou nodded, sarcasm dripping from the tone of his voice. “But then again, I couldn’t because I was carrying a tray of glasses and dishes with me!”

“Hey, what’s all this?” Mr. Aoyama appeared. His eyes darted from Shogo standing in place to Tetsurou on the floor with smashed plates and glasses on the floor around him.

“Someone explain what happened, please,” he seethed. Kazuo opened his mouth quickly to explain.

“Kuroo was carrying a full tray of dishes when—“

“He bumped into me because he wasn’t looking,” Shogo pointed. “Maybe he was half-asleep again.”

“That’s not—“ Tetsurou began but Mr. Aoyama held up a hand to silence him again.

“Is that true?” he asked slowly.

“Yes, but—“

“This is coming out of your paycheck,” Mr. Aoyama interrupted him, gesturing at the broken dishes and glassware around him.

“It was Shogo’s fault for not looking!” Tetsurou protested. His manager ignored him.

“Clean this up, clean yourself up, and go home for today. You can’t work with hands like that,” he said with finality. “Maybe catch up on some sleep too while you’re at it.”

Tetsurou gritted his teeth but nodded nonetheless. “Yes sir,” he muttered.

“Good. Make sure it’s done before the dinnertime rush.” And with that, he left and returned to his office. Tetsurou glared at Shogo.

“It was your fault and you know it,” he snapped.

“But I’m not the one paying for it.” Shogo smirked and lumbered back to the kitchens. Tetsurou turned around and got on his knees, trying to collect the scattered shards of broken glass and dishware.

“No, you should get this cleaned up first before your wounds get infected,” Kazuo stopped him. “I’ll take care of it, you go ahead.”

“Thanks Kazuo,” Tetsurou said. Kazuo smiled reassuringly at him. Tetsurou stood up and made his way back to the kitchen. One of the large steel sinks was unoccupied. He went over there and turned on the faucet before placing his hands under it, letting the water run over his hands. One by one, he plucked the shards of embedded glass and threw them down the drain.

…

“Hello?” Kei answered the phone at the counter.

“Hello? Tsukishimaaaaa?! Tsukkiiiii?!!” Bokuto’s voice crowed over the line. Kei winced and held the phone away from his ear.

“Yes, it’s me Bokuto,” he said in a louder voice.

“Ahh!! Tsukkiiiii! You need to take over. Need to watch over the shop…” Bokuto said, his words sounding slurred and slightly garbled.

“Here Bokuto-san, let me have that,” came the sound of Akaashi’s voice.

“Akaaashiiiii. Is Tsukki there??” Bokuto asked from afar.

“Yes Bokuto-san. Please lie down.”

“Okay…”

“Um… what’s happening?” Kei asked tentatively over the phone.

“Sorry about that,” Akaashi sighed. “Bokuto-san’s got the flu and he’s in a very delirious state.”

“At least he’s not in his ‘dejected mode,’” Kei snorted.

“Very funny,” Akaashi said drily. “Anyway, would you mind taking over his shift until Kuroo-san comes back? I can’t make it there since Bokuto-san will probably burn the house down while he’s sick.”          

“Hmmm… that’s true…” Kei hummed, he checked the clock and saw that it was almost five o’ clock, almost the end of his shift. Kuroo was supposed to come in at around seven.

“Alright, I’ll take over for now,” he finally said.

“Thank you,” Akaashi said, sounding relieved. “I’ll take over your shift on Friday if you want.”

“There’s no need for that,” Kei disagreed. “But if you can take over Bokuto’s shift on Tuesday next week…”

“Done,” Akaashi said. Kei imagined him smiling on the other side of the line. “Thank you again.”

“No problem,” Kei said before hanging up. He leaned forward on the counter, drumming his fingers on it. The dark, maroon paint on the wooden countertop was peeling and full of chips and scratches, and song lyrics. Written in black permanent marker and pen ink and scratched into the paint. Kei didn’t need to think too hard to be able to distinguish which ones were written by whom. Bokuto had large, messy handwriting, like a child’s, and the lyrics he wrote were mostly ones from popular rock songs. Akaashi wrote ballad flowy, neat, cursive script. Kei didn’t recognize the lyrics but they seemed to come from ballads and love songs.

Kei ran his fingers over the collage of words, reading some of them aloud to himself. The lyrics that didn’t seem to be written by either Bokuto and Akaashi, he assumed were Kuroo’s. His handwriting jumped out at him amidst everything else written on the countertop. Kuroo’s handwriting looked almost like an art, not one line of song was written the same way as another. There was one particular one that Kei found to be his favorite. It was written in simple, small, lowercase letters on the edge of the countertop. His fingers ran over it again and again, they were lyrics he remembered well.

_‘Can’t we give ourselves one more chance?’_

…

Tetsurou stretched his aching fingers over the driver’s wheel and winced. The first-aid kit in Bento Box barely had anything in it except for a few bandages, it didn’t even have any antiseptic. He therefore had to resort to covering the larger cuts on his hand with the bandages that were there. Some of them were still exposed and he tried not to think about them getting infected.

Some of his cuts had already begun to bleed again by Tetsurou pulled over and parked the car in front of Vinyl. He pressed his hands against his t-shirt to try and stop the bleeding when he opened the door and found Tsukishima sitting behind the counter. He looked up when he came in and seemed just as surprised to see Tetsurou.

“You’re early,” he said, removing his headphones.

“You’re still here,” Tetsurou said back. “Isn’t it Bokuto’s turn to take over today?” he asked.

“He has the flu,” Tsukishima shrugged. “Akaashi had to stay with him too to make sure he didn’t burn anything.”

“I see,” Tetsurou nodded. “Well, thanks a lot for taking over. I’ll pay you back for it.”

“No need,” Tsukishima shook his head. “Why are you here early anyway?”

“Long story but basically my boss sent me home early,” Tetsurou shrugged and smiled nonchalantly. “I guess I’ll be closing up shop early too,” he added, pulling his keys out of his pocket.

“Need help with anything?” Tsukishima asked, already hefting his bag on his shoulder.

“Lock the counter up will you?” Tetsurou tossed the keys towards Tsukishima who caught it easily with one hand.

“Will do.” Tetsurou grinned, impressed before going to the shop window to draw down the blinds. Tsukishima locked up the cash register behind him and gave the keys back. He was about to head out the door when Tetsurou stopped him by blocking his way.

“Hey, let me give you a ride at least,” he said. “I mean, it’s kind of late and everything. It’s hard to get a bus at this hour.” Tsukishima paused and considered the offer before nodding his head.

“Alright then.”

“Great,” Tetsurou grinned. He switched off the lights in the shop before following Tsukishima out the door and locking it behind him. The pain in his hands flared up from his actions but he bit down on his lip to get his mind off of it. He got inside the pick-up truck and turned the engine on while Tsukishima sat down beside him.

“Is there no seat belt here?” he asked, searching the sides of his seat.

“Sorry,” Tetsurou grinned sheepishly. “There’s a handlebar above you though. You can hang on to that.” Tsukishima groped for it before turning around and frowning at Tetsurou.

“There isn’t one.”

“Oh yeah, I lost that three months ago…” he said, finally remembering. “Oh well, I’ll just drive slower,” he shrugged before stepping on the gas and pulling out of the parking space. “Where’s your house by the way?”

“Kuzen Street, near Kamishiro Park,” Tsukishima answered.

“Okay then,” Tetsurou said, making a left down the street. He reached to his right and turned on the radio to his favorite station.

“What happened to your hands?” Tsukishima asked, his face etched into a frown.

“Broken glass,” Tetsurou explained.

“That’s why you were released early. Are you sure you should be driving?”

“It’s fine,” Tetsurou shook his head. “Your place is near anyway. I’ll take care of it when I get home.”

“It might get infected. Haven’t you heard of germs?” Tsukishima scoffed.

“Yes I am. Thanks for noticing,” Tetsurou muttered. Suddenly, the familiar first notes of a song played on the radio. He grinned and turned the volume up, humming to the beat.

“Under Pressure?” Tsukishima spoke, cocking his head to the left.

“You know this?” Tetsurou looked at him and smiled.

“Of course I do,” Tsukishima scoffed.

“Sorry, I guess I quickly assumed that you hip youngsters didn’t know anything about these old classics.”

“Hip youngsters? Who says that?”

“Old people. Like me,” Tetsurou smirked. “Hey, let’s sing it.”

“Sing it? Aren’t we listening to it already?” Tsukishima asked.

“Yeah, sing it,” Tetsurou nodded enthusiastically. “You be Mercury and I’ll be Bowie. Like that?”

“No way,” Tsukishima deadpanned.

“Come on Tsukishima. Live a little won’t you?” Tetsurou whined. “Don’t make me sing Under Pressure by myself, that’s mean.”

“God, you sound like a kid.”

“Good, at least I don’t sound like a killjoy grandfather.” Tsukishima kept quiet. Tetsurou grinned, knowing that he hit a spot. “Come on,” he continued to press. “I’m letting you be Mercury…” Tsukishima looked away.

“I’ll be Bowie,” he finally gave in. Tetsurou’s grin widened just as his favorite part, the bridge, came on.

“Insanity laughs, under pressure we’re cracking—“

“You’re off-key,” Tsukishima commented.

“Shut up,” Tetsurou interjected before quickly continuing on the rest of his song. “Why can’t we give love one more chance? Why can’t we give love, give love, give love, give love… Take it away Bowie!” Beside him, Tsukishima rolled his eyes but nonetheless continued the part, singing monotonously without as much enthusiasm as Tetsurou. He didn’t entirely mind, as long as Tsukishima sang.

“Edge of the night and love dares you to change our ways of caring about ourselves this our last chance. This is our last dance. This is ourselves, under pressure…” Tetsurou continued humming as the song faded away while Tsukishima stared silently out the window.

“Can you stop here, maybe?” he asked once Tetsurou turned left down Kuzen Street.

“Is this your house?” Tetsurou looked out the window.

“No.”

“I can drop you—“

“Here,” Tsukishima cut him off abruptly. Tetsurou stopped the car and turned to look at him.

“Listen, it’s okay if—“

“I don’t want my family to see,” Tsukishima said aloud, biting the corner of his lip and avoiding Tetsurou’s gaze.

“Alright,” he nodded. “I understand.”

“Thanks for the ride.” Tsukishima opened the car door but paused just before he stepped out. He turned around.

“Stay here,” he commanded.

“Huh?”

“Stay here,” Tsukishima repeated. “You’re not driving away from here with your hands unchecked.”

“I washed them with water,” Tetsurou argued. “They’re fine.” Tsukishima ignored him and got out of the car.

“I’m leaving my bag here so you don’t drive off,” he said, shutting the door.

“You do know I can just leave it on the sidewalk.”

“Just stay here,” Tsukishima growled. Tetsurou held his hands up in surrender.

“Alright, police officer. I’ll stay.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes and walked ahead. A few minutes later, he came back carrying a first aid kit with him. Tetsurou was still waiting in the car, listening to the music playing on the same station.

“Are the lights inside busted too?” Tsukishima asked.

“Unfortunately… yes. They are,” Tetsurou nodded. “I think the engine and the radio are the only things that work in this pick-up.”

“Fine, just open the door then. I think there’s enough light coming in from the streetlamp anyway.” Tsukishima opened the door near the driver’s seat and sat down on the sidewalk, opening the first aid kit beside him. Tetsurou remained in the driver’s seat as Tsukishima took one of his hands and held it out in the glow of the streetlamp near them.

“Seriously, Batman bandages?” he asked, frowning down at them.

“They looked cool,” Tetsurou shrugged. Tsukishima shook his head and began to pull them off one by one. Tetsurou winced at the pain.

“Sorry,” Tsukishima apologized, looking up at him.

“No,” he shook his head. “Just… do it quickly so that’s it over and done with.” Tsukishima nodded and worked faster. When he was done, he got a bottle of antiseptic from the first aid kit, twisted the cap off, and poured some on a cotton ball. He held Tetsurou’s right hand first in his and dabbed gently on the cuts. The antiseptic stung but at least he didn’t have to worry about his hand getting infected anymore. The radio in the car was still playing and Tetsurou sang along softly to the song to get his mind off the pain.

“You love, love, love when you know I can’t love…”

“Of Monsters and Men?” Tsukishima said, looking up at him.

“You listened to the CD?” Tetsurou smiled.

“Yeah. Three times.” Tsukishima finished his right hand and began cleaning the cuts on his left.

“I’m glad…” Tetsurou said softly. Tsukishima put away the cotton ball and picked up a roll of clean bandage. Starting from the base of Tetsurou’s wrist, he wrapped the bandage around his hand, his fingers working gently and efficiently, making sure that it wasn’t too loose or too tight. Tetsurou leaned his head against the side of the door, watching Tsukishima as he worked.

“I’ll make you a mixtape if you want,” Tetsurou blurted out suddenly. Tsukishima stopped his work and looked up at him.

“A mixtape?”

“Yeah,” Tetsurou continued. “I mean, we’ve basically been trading music recommendations over the past few weeks so why not? And besides, I make very good mixtapes, even if I do say so myself.” His Uncle Makoto taught him how a long time ago.

“How can you be good at making mixtapes?” Tsukishima asked as he began bandaging Tetsurou’s left hand. “Don’t you just put a bunch of songs together?”

“No,” Tetsurou scoffed. “That’s just making a playlist. Lazy people don’t know the difference.”

“Oh yeah? So what’s the difference then?”

“Making a playlist just means putting a bunch of songs together.  Anyone can do that,” Tetsurou explained. “Making a mixtape, now that’s an art. You don’t just mix songs together on a CD, you arrange them. Structure them in such a way that takes the listener on a journey.” Tsukishima finished bandaging Tetsurou’s hand and looked up at him with a curious expression on his face.

“That’s a pretty good explanation actually,” he said. “But again, I can’t take you seriously with that cat t-shirt, and the Batman bandages.”

“Get used to it,” Tetsurou chuckled. A corner of Tsukishima’s mouth turned up in a slight smile as he put the bottle of antiseptic back in the first aid kit. Tetsurou stopped laughing and found his eyes locked onto the bruise on Tsukishima’s chin. It was still there, even after all those weeks, but it had mostly faded away.

“Wait,” Tetsurou stopped him. “Can you give me a bandage?” he asked. Tsukishima looked at him, puzzled, before taking a bandage out and giving it to Tetsurou. He peeled off the paper and leaned over his seat, placing the bandage on the bruise on Tsukishima’s chin. His eyes widened in surprise at Tetsurou’s sudden action before looking down and touching the bandage lightly with his fingertips.

“He lives with you, doesn’t he?” Tetsurou said softly, looking down at him. “The person who gave that to you.” Tsukishima looked down at the ground and nodded, biting his lip.

“It’s my father,” he whispered. Tetsurou noted a hint of fear in his voice and the way his eyes darted to the side as if his father was standing right behind him. He felt his jaw clench but didn’t say anything, instead reaching behind him to get Tsukishima’s bag before handing it over to him.

“Be careful,” Tetsurou said. It was all he could think of saying at that situation.

“You too,” Tsukishima nodded, standing up. Tetsurou closed the car door.

“See you on Friday,” he said, giving one final nod before turning on the engine and pulling out of the sidewalk. As he drove down Kuzen Street, his eyes scanned the houses in the area, his mind wondering which one belonged to the Tsukishima family. Eventually, he gave up and turned left down another street.

His hands still stung from the antiseptic but the bandages felt tight and secure as he gripped the steering wheel. Tetsurou thought about the look on Tsukishima’s face when he placed the bandage over the bruise on his chin. It was similar to how he looked back then at the convenience store, when Tetsurou allowed him to purchase the beer.

But his thoughts didn’t linger there, they traveled, taking Tetsurou along for the ride. He thought about Tsukishima’s long, slim fingers as they ran over the bandage on his chin. He thought about his golden hair glinting in the slight glow of the streetlamp. He thought about his amber-colored eyes framed by his black eyeglasses. He thought about the sound of his voice as he sang.

Lastly, he thought about his lips.

…

Kei sat on the edge of his bed and pulled out the CD he bought earlier at Vinyl. It was the same Of Monsters and Men CD that Kuroo pressed into his hands before he left for work. He popped it into his CD player and put the headphones over his ears, pressing the fast-forward button until it played the eighth track of the album. Then, he leaned back and lay down on his bed with his hands under his head.

_Well maybe I’m a crook for stealing your heart away_

_And maybe I’m a crook for not caring for it_

_Yeah maybe I’m a bad, bad, bad person_

_Well baby, I know_

Kei ran his fingers gently over the bandage over his chin. The action had been so sudden that he didn’t have time to react. All he could remember was the feeling of Kuroo’s fingers brushing gently over his skin and the look on his face when he made a guess on who gave him the bruise.

He thought about the sound of Kuroo’s voice when he sang to Under Pressure. He thought about the different shapes of his mouth whenever he grinned, or smiled, or smirked. He thought about the way his bangs fell over his forehead when he looked down. He thought about the warmth of his hands.

_Because you love, love, love when you know I can’t love_

_You love, love, love when you know I can’t love_

_You love, love, love when you know I can’t love, you…_

Kei played the song again once it ended, imagining his heart beating in time to its rhythm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter 'Love, Love, Love' is by the band Of Monsters and Men. All other bands and artists mentioned are non-fictional.


	5. Love like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei wished that his feelings for him only ended in friendship but that didn’t seem to be the case. He wasn’t comfortable with it all, mostly because it was the first time he was feeling this sort of thing for another person. But he couldn’t exactly deny that it was unpleasant either, or that he wanted to know more about it. And the answer just so happened to lie with Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! I know things seem to be going a little bit slow but this fic is slow burn-ish. A lot more happens in the next chapter, trust me.

**|Now|**

Kei made a small sound of disapproval before turning his pencil over and erasing the line he just made. He brushed away the eraser dust and tried to sketch out the line again, using short hard strokes on the paper. Once he was slightly satisfied by what he made, he looked up from his sketchbook again before starting on sketching the doors.

“Are you drawing the store?”

Kei jumped in his stool at the sound of Kuroo’s voice coming from behind him. The pencil fell from his hand with a small, clattering sound. Kei whirled around to find Kuroo leaning over him, his chin only centimeters away from Kei’s head, which was way too close a distance. According to his own very recent discovery, Kuroo’s presence, especially if it was near him, made him a lot more agitated than usual. Just when Kei began to think that he was already used to being around him.

“Y-yeah, it’s for an art project in school,” he muttered, bending over to collect the fallen pencil which had rolled over to where Kuroo’s sneaker was.

“Here, I got it,” he said, quickly snatching up the pencil and offering it to Kei with a grin.

“Thanks.” Kei took the pencil from him and pushed his glasses up his nose before turning back to his sketchbook. He was supposed to sketch the store from his place behind the counter for his art class. Unfortunately, art was one of the few subjects in school he wasn’t good at. Surprisingly, Kageyama was pretty the best at it among the five people in their group, even better than Yachi. But no way was Kei going to ask for help from him. Right now, Kei’s drawing was messy from all the erasures he made when his lines weren’t straight enough.

“The shelves aren’t proportionate,” Kuroo commented, leaning in much closer until his head was right next to Kei’s. He pointed at the two wobbly-looking shelves that Kei drew. “See? One is bigger than the other.”

“Thanks for the comment but drawing really isn’t my forte,” Kei sighed and placed the sketchbook down on the counter. His eyes ached from having staring at his own drawing for so long. “It’s fine the way it is, I’ll get a passing mark for it at least.”

“Wow, you’re already succumbing to mediocrity at the tender young age of seventeen. So sad, Tsukishima Kei. A waste of good potential I tell you,” Kuroo folded his arms across his chest and shook his head.

“We can’t be good at everything, Kuroo Tetsurou,” Kei rolled his eyes, mimicking Kuroo’s habit of saying someone’s full name. He also liked the way it rolled off his tongue, not that it really mattered though.

“That’s not the point,” Kuroo groaned. “The fact is you’re already giving up when you can give it your all. You’re supposed to do your best until the very end!” he exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air.

“This isn’t an anime, Kuroo,” Kei deadpanned.

“That’s not the point either Kei,” Kuroo groaned again in an even louder voice. “I’m just saying that you could at least aim for better anyway. How about I help you with it?”

“Help me?” Kei raised an eyebrow. “You can draw?”

“Yeah, and I do it very well too, if I do say so myself,” he grinned. “You should be grateful that you have this amazing opportunity to be instructed in the visual arts by Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“I’m really feeling the gratitude right now,” Kei said monotonously. Kuroo didn’t seem to notice the sarcasm and instead pulled up a chair to sit next to him.

“Can I have an extra sheet of paper though?” he asked, taking the ballpoint pen they used to write in the accounting book from the counter. Kei tore out a sheet of paper from his sketchbook and handed it to him before turning to a fresh, clean page himself.

“So, what do we do first then?” he asked, tapping his pencil against his thigh and looking at Kuroo.

“First of all, we need some good music to listen to,” Kuroo said, grabbing the stack of CDs Kei placed at the counter for him to listen to. Kei chewed his lip when he saw it, watching Kuroo as he shuffled through the stack.

“Hmm… listened to this, listened to this too,” he muttered while going through the stack.

“Why don’t we listen to Don Maclean,” Kei suggested.

“Nah, I listened to him already. Not really my thing but ‘Vincent’ was damn good,” Kuroo shook his head. He kept on going through the stack until finally, he reached the last CD at the bottom of the pile, the CD that Kei made for him. Kuroo paused when he saw it and took it out from the stack.

“’Music Recommendations,’” he read aloud. His face cracked into a smile and he looked over at Kei. “Don’t you have a catchier title?” he teased. Kei felt his face flush, which didn’t happen quite often, and he turned away.

“Well that’s what it is, isn’t it?” he muttered. “A CD full of music recommendations.”

“Tsukishima Kei, you made me a mixtape,” Kuroo said, smiling that annoying shit-eating grin of his. Kei found that it made him feel more embarrassed rather than pissed off.

“It’s a hell of a lot more convenient than just stacking CDs on a counter and having to play all of them,” he reasoned.

“Whatever, you’re just too embarrassed to say that you were inspired by what I said about mixtapes the other night,” Kuroo smirked. “Wait here.” He placed the CD on the counter before standing up and walking to the office. When he came back he was carrying a CD which he gave to Kei. Unlike the mixtape that he made, Kuroo’s actually had some kind of design on the cover. The words ‘Hey, Hey, Hey! Listen to this Kei!’ were written in large, colorful letters. A pair of large, black headphones was drawn around it, framing the letters.

“You made me one too?” Kei said, looking up at Kuroo.

“I told you I would, didn’t I?” Kuroo rubbed the back of his head and sat back down beside Kei. “And my title is way catchier than yours.”

“Did Bokuto make it?”

“How on Earth were you able to guess?” Kuroo asked, placing a hand over his mouth in fake surprise. Kei rolled his eyes.

“Thanks for making it,” he said, opening the CD and finding a track list pasted inside as well. “Glad to see that it’s not just ‘Under Pressure’ on repeat as well.”

“It comes up at least thrice, don’t worry,” Kuroo chuckled. “If you don’t mind though, can I play mine first? I… I really want to listen to it since you went through all the trouble. I didn’t think you’d make me one actually.”

Kei nodded. “Sure,” he swallowed. Kuroo smiled and stood up to place the CD in the CD player they used that was connected to the speakers in the shop. Kei tucked the CD carefully in between the notebooks in his bag, reminding himself that he was going to listen to it later. Behind him, Kuroo pressed the play button and sat back down on the chair beside Kei.

“Well, let’s see what kind of journey you’ll be taking me on, Tsukishima Kei.” The corner of Kuroo’s lip turned up in a smile. Kei found himself staring at the way it curved before quickly  turning back to his sketchbook.

“So,” he cleared his throat. “What should I start with when drawing?”

“Love like this,” he heard Kuroo say. Kei looked up at him.

“The acoustic version,” he said.

“Right. It’s the one you told me to listen to.” Kuroo remembered, bobbing his head in time to the music. “Kodaline, right?”

“Yeah,” Kei nodded. He watched as a smile slowly spread across Kuroo’s face.

“I like this version,” he said. “I like it a lot.” Kei felt a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Good,” he stated simply. ‘I’m glad,’ he said to himself.

“Oh almost forgot, drawing!” Kuroo exclaimed, leaning back forward and taking the piece of paper Kei gave him and the ballpoint pen. “Anyway, first you have to start with the foreground before moving on to the background. In this case, it would be the counter.” He drew a few lines on the paper, forming a rough but distinct sketch of the countertop. Kei looked back at his own paper and began to do the same, drawing a line with a heavy stroke of his pencil.

“Ah, hold on,” Kuroo placed a hand over his to stop him. “Don’t put too much pressure on your pencil when you’re still starting out because it will be difficult to erase. Just use light, short strokes first to make the shape and darken the lines later.”

“Alright,” Kei nodded, taking his hand away from Kuroo and following his instructions. After a couple of strokes, he began to form the countertop. It wasn’t as precise as Kuroo’s was but it was much better than the one he made in his previous drawing.

“Great,” Kuroo said, nodding with approval. “Next we’ll move on to the shelves…”

 

**|Two Months Later|**

“Geez, is it Emo Friday today or something?” Kuroo muttered, adjusting the radio dial again to change the station.

“It might be, it is raining after all,” Kei pointed out, not looking up from the textbook he had on his lap. Two of them were seated in Kuroo’s pick-up truck which was parked at their favorite spot near the lake. It was Akaashi’s shift at Vinyl and Kuroo had a day-off from his job at Bento Box so the two decided to spend the time they had together. It was raining outside and all around them, the windows were full of droplets and the sound of rain mixed with Christina Perri’s singing. Kei found it quite peaceful actually, the perfect environment for him to study. Kuroo, on the other hand, was growing restless by the minute.

“Kei, there’s nothing good for us to listen to. This is killing me,” Kuroo groaned, leaning back against his seat.

“What do you want me to do about it?” Kei asked, tapping his pencil against his chin as he read.

“I don’t know, say something interesting.”

“Something interesting.”

“Very funny Kei.”

“Glad to know that.”

“You’re not helping,” Kuroo groaned again, throwing his hands in the air exasperatedly.

“I thought I was funny,” Kei smirked, liking how much he was able to wind Kuroo up. Suddenly, he felt a weight against his shoulder and knew that Kuroo was leaning against him. He sighed and put down his pencil, knowing that he won’t be able to study any longer at this rate.

“Say something interesting Tsukishima Kei,” Kuroo mumbled, poking his cheek.

“There are some species of scorpion that lay eggs on their body so the babies all run out of its mother when they hatch,” Kei said, remembering something that he read in the fifth book of ‘Weird but True Facts.’

“Gross,” Kuroo shuddered and made a face. “I told you to say something interesting, not something disgusting.”

“You should have been more specific,” Kei argued. “How was I supposed to know that you didn’t want anything disgusting? And besides, that was a pretty interesting fact that though.”

“Yeah, it is pretty interesting,” Kuroo admitted and fell silent for a few moments before speaking up again. “Imagine if that happened to humans.” Kei blinked his eyes in surprise before shuddering and making a face once the mental image flashed itself in his head.

“God, Kuroo that’s just… _wrong,_ ” he exclaimed, shaking his head.

“I know, I know,” Kuroo squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in Kei’s shoulder. “God, I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how gross it actually was before saying it.”

“If it weren’t raining outside I’d probably just get out of here.”

“I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Now it’s your turn,” Kei said.

“My turn to what?” Kuroo asked, looking up at him.

“Say something interesting. I had my turn so now it’s yours.”

“I just did, right? That thing about—“

“We’re not bringing that up again,” Kei demanded. “That conversation doesn’t exist anymore. And no, that doesn’t count. Say something interesting.”

“Hmm…” Kuroo leaned his head back against the car seat, looking up as he thought of what to say. Kei leaned his head a little to the side so it rested on top of Kuroo’s. Finally, he spoke.

“I like your name.”

Kei frowned and looked at him. “My name?”

“Yeah, your name,” Kuroo nodded. “I find it special. That’s pretty interesting, right?”

“But it’s just a name. A lot of people have ‘Tsukishima’ and ‘Kei’ in their names. It’s not _that_ special,” Kei said.

“That’s not the point,” Kuroo shook his head. “I like it because it’s _your_ name. I like the way its spelled. I like the way it sounds. I like writing it on almost everything.”

Kei felt his face flush and he looked down and fiddled with his glasses, sliding it up and down the bridge of his nose. “You write it on almost everything?” he echoed.

“Yeah,” Kuroo nodded. “Why do you think I used it so much whenever I made the album covers for the mixtapes I gave you? Sometimes I even write it on my wrist when I’m bored.”

“I-I guess that is pretty interesting,” Kei swallowed and looked down. Kuroo hummed and fiddled with the radio dial again, switching it from station to station. He looked at his wrists, searching for the three kanji his name was spelled with and finding none. It left his mind wondering when Kuroo started doing it.

“Hey, this sounds pretty good,” Kuroo said, leaning back against the seat satisfied at the radio station he found. Kei didn’t recognize the song but it sounded pretty good. He made a mental note to get the name of it later. Kuroo leaned his head back against Kei’s shoulder and held his hand. Kei felt shivers run up his palm, his fingers tingling at the touch. The two of them had kissed a couple times already before but somehow, holding hands felt a lot more intimate to Kei, especially when Kuroo was tracing circles on his palm with his thumb. That drove him crazy.

“Is it my turn to say something interesting?” Kei asked slowly.

“Hmm… I’m not really that bored right now but why not? Shoot away if you have something interesting to say,” Kuroo shrugged.

“I… I like your name too…” Kei stammered, looking down at their intertwined hands and running his own thumb down the side of Kuroo’s palm.

“My name?” he asked, sounding quite surprised. “You’re not just saying that because I said I liked yours, right?”

“No,” Kei shook his head. “I really do like your name. Kuroo Tetsurou. I like the way it sounds.” Kuroo stopped tracing circles on his palm, Kei looked up at him.

“I-I like it when you say it,” Kuroo stammered. His face was flushed and Kei smiled, glad to see that he had that kind of effect on him as well.

“Would you like me to call you Tetsurou from now on?” he asked.

“Y-yeah,” Kuroo nodded, still flushing a deep red. “But it’s up to you. Either way’s just fine.”

“I think I like Tetsurou,” Kei mused, looking out the window and finding that the rain had already stopped. He smiled to himself. “Especially since it has an effect you.”

“God, shut up Kei.” Kuroo punched his shoulder lightly.

“Alright, Tetsurou.”

 

**|Now|**

“Alright, are you done?” Tetsurou asked, adding the last finishing touches to his drawing.

“Wait, one second…” Tsukishima said. He was hunched over his sketchbook with his long legs folded almost up to his chest as he sat on the stool; his pencil moving back and forth quickly in his hand as he shaded an area. When he finished, he sat back up and looked down to admire his work.

“Done?” Tetsurou asked again, holding the piece of paper with his drawing on it.

“Yeah,” Tsukishima nodded. “It looks better than last time at least.” He lifted his sketchbook to show him. The lines were less wobbly now and the proportions were done better. The drawing had less erasure marks too now that Tsukishima figured out the technique of using light strokes to draw.

“It looks way better than the last one,” Tetsurou nodded in agreement. “Glad to see that my professional advice has helped you a lot,” he grinned.

“Yeah, thanks…” Tsukishima mumbled.

“So I guess you should call me ‘sensei’ now since I helped you with your art project,” Tetsurou continued to tease. He loved winding Tsukishima up, he was just that kind of person that was fun to tease because of his reactions. But Tetsurou liked it more when Tsukishima thought of a good comeback and smirked when he knew it was good. It felt and looked more natural to see Tsukishima that way. Smart, sharp-tongued, and self-assured, that was the Tsukishima that Tetsurou liked to see. Not the scared, defeated one he saw in the convenience store all those nights ago. That was the part of Tsukishima that Tetsurou wanted to fix, but he would only be able to if he knew how.

“Sorry, I don’t think the word ‘Kuroo’ and ‘sensei’ belong next to each other in the same sentence,” Tsukishima deadpanned.

“If you see my amazing drawing and admit that it is amazing, will you call me sensei?” Tetsurou challenged, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Alright then,” Tsukishima shrugged. “But that’s highly unlikely.”

“Fine then,” Tetsurou said, shrugging back. “Be prepared to be amazed by… THIS!” He turned his drawing around and held it out right in front of Kei with both hands.

“So? Do I deserve to be called ‘sensei’?” Tetsurou asked, grinning at Tsukishima.

“Hmm… it is a pretty good drawing,” he said. “But not good enough for me to call you ‘sensei.’”

“Oh! You wound me, you harsh art critic!” Tetsurou exclaimed, pretending to be genuinely hurt by Tsukishima’s comment.

“Just being honest,” he shrugged.

“Someday then, I’ll make a drawing good enough for you to call me ‘sensei,’” Tetsurou bragged. Tsukishima shook his head and put his sketchbook back in his bag.

“Sure, but choose another judge instead of me.” Tetsurou said nothing but looked down at his hands with a small smile on his lips. The urge was still there, manifested through a faint tingling on the tips of his fingers. He looked down at his work and knew that he was in agreement with Tsukishima. The drawing was good but not really all _that_ good. After all, sketching wasn’t exactly his main field.

It was painting.

 

**|One Week Ago|**

Tetsurou sat on his bed and looked down at his hands, trying to recreate the feeling of Tsukishima’s fingers wrapping them in bandages. They were surprisingly gentle for such a prickly and moody person. Tetsurou grinned, finding the thought wildly hilarious but stopped when he saw how stupid he looked on the mirror in front of his closet.

All of things about Tsukishima Kei surprised him. His family situation definitely seemed to be something else but besides that, Tetsurou figured that he was just a regular music-lover, quiet yet condescending with maybe a few anger issues thrown in. He guessed right, but that was only what was on the surface. He was patient when it came to dealing with Koutarou despite how uncomfortable he looked when he was around him. He was smart and quick-witted enough to talk to Keiji on the same level and even managed to make him chuckle, which Tetsurou found surprising and Koutarou enviable. He listened to Tetsurou and did his shop duties well. Too well, in fact, for the amount of money he was being paid.

And there were these moments as well. Moments when Tetsurou would be caught completely off-guard by how much more there was to Tsukishima Kei. Sometimes, he would hear a CD from the recommendation stack that he didn’t expect alternative-rock-country-music-fan Tsukishima would listen to like a Keaton Henson CD, or Ray Lamontagne, or The Lumineers. ‘You can judge a person by their playlist.’ That was the mantra Tetsurou basically lived by. But with Tsukishima, he just couldn’t tell. And it thrilled him to not know.

Tetsurou ran his fingers down the palm of his right hand, trying once again to recreate that feeling. Finally, he gave up raked his hands through his messy, black hair that he always failed to tame. His thoughts again went back to that simple action of Tsukishima running his fingers over the bandage on his chin. He thought about them running over something else like his arm perhaps. Or the side of his face, or his neck, or his—

“God, no. Pull yourself together, Tetsu,” he groaned, pulling at his hair to jolt him out of his previous thoughts as he felt his face heat up. He leaned back and lay down on his bed, digging his palms into his eyes as if to erase his memory of what happened earlier. It was no use. He couldn’t erase the feeling of Tsukishima’s hands nor could he recreate them and it frustrated him to have to stay suspended in this middle state, having neither of each. And now, there was a brand new feeling in his hands.

At first, Tetsurou didn’t think much of it, thinking that it was probably just the ghost of that activity he did so much of back then. But as he lay in bed, the feeling in his hands pulsed stronger and stronger until Tetsurou couldn’t fully ignore it. He removed his hands from his eyes and held them up in front of his face. The feeling was much stronger now until Tetsurou could deny it no longer. He curled the fingers of his right hand as he tried to conjure up the all-too familiar feeling of a paintbrush being held in them. It was there, undeniably there.

His urge to paint again.

 

**|Now|**

Kei almost didn’t recognize Bokuto with his hair down. He and Kuroo were straightening the ‘EDM Section’ when Bokuto suddenly burst in, breathless and panting as if he ran ten kilometers while weightlifting and being chased by wolves. It was only when Kei saw the black-and-white stripes on his hair did he recognize that it was Bokuto.

“Oh, hey Kou! It’s not your shift today, did you forget again?” Kuroo laughed when he looked up at him.

“T-Tetsu…” Bokuto gasped, leaning against the doorframe to catch his breath. “I…I did something…” he said, closing eyes in a pained expression. That was when Kuroo knew something was wrong. He quickly put down the CDs he was sorting and Kei froze with what he was he doing. Kuroo quickly strode over to Bokuto’s side and placed both hands on his shoulders.

“Kou, what happened? Is something wrong? What did you do? Are you okay?” he asked frantically, his voice wild with panic.

“It’s… Akaashi…” Bokuto choked out. Kei quickly put down the CDs he had and ran to the counter where the phone was.

“Akaashi?” Kuroo repeated.

“Should I call someone for help, Bokuto?!” Kei demanded, already holding the phone to his ear. Bokuto looked at him with wide eyes and quickly shook his head.

“No, no. It’s not that,” he denied.

“Then what is it, Kou? Is it serious?” Kuroo said in a much louder voice.

“I… I confessed to him, Tetsu,” Bokuto choked out. “I finally confessed to him.”

Kuroo sighed with relief and dropped his hands from Bokuto’s shoulders. Kei shook his head exasperatedly and put down the phone.

“Is that all?” he asked, looking up at Bokuto with a slightly irritated expression on his face.

“What do you mean ‘Is that all?’” Bokuto whined. “These are my feelings here, Tsukishima. Isn’t that what should be important?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You _confessed_ to Akaashi?” Kuroo repeated. “Like, a real, genuine confession? Not the one where you just hint at it and hope he understands?”

“Mhmm,” Bokuto swallowed and nodded.

“So what did you say?” Kuroo pressed. “And what did he say?”

“We were hanging out in the library and there was this couple sitting at a table next to us and they were kissing and everything, kind of gross if you ask me,” Bokuto said. “So I just said ‘Hey, isn’t this gross?’ to Akaashi and he just shrugged and said ‘Depends’ and I said ‘How? What do you mean?’and—

“Can you cut to the chase?” Kei asked. “This is going to take forever.”

“Fine,” Bokuto huffed, pouting slightly. “But anyway, Akaashi asked me if I ever thought about doing that kind of thing, you know, having a relationship, with someone so I just said ‘Yes, with you,’” Bokuto ended, folding up his knees to his chest.

“And? What happened after?” Kuroo asked excitedly. Bokuto looked down and mumbled something that sounded like “Iranfumlibry…” Kei frowned and leaned over the counter to hear better.

“I ran from the library,” Bokuto said louder. He looked helplessly at Kuroo who placed a comforting arm around his shoulder.

“Man, like you didn’t say anything else? You just ran out of there?” he asked.

“I didn’t even get a chance to bring my things…” Bokuto groaned, burying his forehead in Kuroo’s children. “Bro, what do I do? I don’t even know if Akaashi likes me. He’s nice and everything but I feel like he’s just tolerating me most of the time.”

“He doesn’t tolerate you,” Kei spoke up, surprising both him as well as Bokuto and Kuroo. The two of them looked at him.

“What makes you say that?” Bokuto sniffed.

“Because I know what it’s like to tolerate you. Trust me, it’s what I’ve been doing all this time,” Kei sighed, deciding that he may as well go on with it than leave them hanging. “It does seem like Akaashi tolerates you but if that was the only thing he was doing, don’t you think he wouldn’t be your friend right now?” Bokuto fell silent and seemed to think that over.

“That’s true,” Kuroo said, breaking the silence. “And Akaashi isn’t really the type of person to stick to people he doesn’t like.”

“So… there’s a chance he actually doesn’t dislike me?” Bokuto asked slowly, looking to Kei for an answer.

“I don’t know, I’m not that familiar with how close you guys are,” Kei shrugged with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “But if you ask me, I think Akaashi seems happier when he’s around you. It doesn’t show much but it seems to be there.” Kuroo looked up at him with a smile on his face before patting Bokuto’s shoulder.

“He’s right,” he agreed. “Remember when you were addicted to Stairway to Heaven and kept singing it all the time and Akaashi made you a mixtape that just had the same song on repeat?”

“Yeah, I almost kissed him then,” Bokuto laughed.

“That’s not something people who only tolerate you would do,” Kuroo said.

“Well, maybe he only sees me as a friend then,” Bokuto added. “I’m okay with that too but I guess I just want something more with him.”

“At least you decided to give it a shot.”

“A very accidental, unintentional shot,” Kei muttered.

“Still! No harm in trying,” Kuroo shrugged. “Right Tsukishima?”

“I guess…” Bokuto said unconvincingly. Kei rested his chin on his hand and sighed. It wasn’t exactly his intention to be dragged into the conversation but now there was no getting out. A part of him just wanted to leave already so that Kuroo could handle it but another part of him wanted to stay and see if things would work out. It could be just idle curiosity, but Kei found that it was border-lining on concern as well. Besides Yamaguchi, he also saw Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi as friends. Now, he was feeling the same towards Bokuto and Akaashi.

And Kuroo…

Kei wished that his feelings for him only ended in friendship but that didn’t seem to be the case. He wasn’t comfortable with it all, mostly because it was the first time he was feeling this sort of thing for another person. But he couldn’t exactly deny that it was unpleasant either, or that he wanted to know more about it. And the answer just so happened to lie with Kuroo.

In front of him, Kuroo was still busy reassuring Bokuto for what he did when suddenly, Kei spotted Akaashi in front of the shop’s door. He was carrying what looked to be Bokuto’s bag and more textbooks than he should probably have. Before Kei could warn anyone inside, Akaashi had opened the door and went inside.

“Bokuto-san,” he said, eyes landing straight on his friend once he walked in.

“A-akaashi!” Bokuto yelped, backing away from him slightly.

“You left your things at the library,” Akaashi sighed, walking across the floor and carefully placing Bokuto’s bag and books on the counter.

“Y-you… brought them all the way here?” Bokuto asked, standing up and looking at Akaashi with wide, surprised eyes.

“Of course,” Akaashi snorted. “You’d probably do the same, wouldn’t you?”

“O-of course I would!” Bokuto stammered. “Even if it meant having to cross the border with illegal substances!”

‘Umm… really?’ Kei thought. He and Kuroo exchanged exasperated looks. Meanwhile, Akaashi pursed his lips and looked down.

“I know…” he said softly, scratching at the peeling paint on the countertop with a fingernail. From his spot, Kei could clearly see the soft, secretive smile on Akaashi’s face.

“It’s one of the reasons why I like you…” he said, looking up at Bokuto. At that moment, Kei swore he could have heard a pin drop because of the silence. A silent exchange seemed to pass between Bokuto and Akaashi, an exchange that only they could understand. Then Bokuto broke out into a smile and made a gesture towards the door.

“Should we go?” he asked.

“Yeah…” Akaashi nodded.

“That’s a very good idea,” Kuroo agreed. “Go on, get out of my shop you crazy lovebirds!” He laughed, already pushing Bokuto towards the door. Akaashi shook his head chuckling and followed after the two of them. Kei cracked a small smile as he watched the three of them.

“We’ll be back later Kuroo!” Bokuto sang just before he and Akaashi were pushed out of the shop.

“Whatever! Just get out before you poison the shop with your lovey-dovey vibes!” Kuroo yelled after them before laughing and closing the door. Outside, Kei could see Bokuto and Akaashi turning to each other and smiling before walking away. Kuroo had his hands on his hips and was shaking his head as he watched them.

“About time this happened already,” he said.

“How long has Bokuto liked him?” Kei asked.

“Since high school,” Kuroo answered. “He had a ton of crushes before and I thought that Akaashi was just ‘one of those’ but years passed and eventually, it didn’t turn out to be just a crush after all. I’m happy for him, for the two of them.”

“I just hope that they actually make it,” Kei muttered under his breath but just loud enough for Kuroo to hear.

“I really hope they do too…” he said softly. Kei cocked his head. He didn’t exactly expect that kind of answer from Kuroo. He expected something more along the lines of ‘Of course they will!’ or ‘They’ll make it, I believe in it.’ Not this, not pessimism. Kuroo caught Kei looking at him and seemed to guess exactly what he was thinking.

“Surprised?” he asked, grinning slightly. “It’s not that I don’t think they feel the same way for each other. There’s a high chance of them making it, but sometimes even good relationships don’t last forever.” Kuroo looked down and chuckled. “God, that sounds like a hipster quote.”

“It’s true, though,” Kei said, tracing his fingers over his favorite song lyric on the countertop.

“It’s a parent thing for me,” Kuroo said softly. “Classic dad-leaves-mom-for-another-woman.” Kei looked up at him, slightly surprised that Kuroo would bring up something like that. It was clearly a show of trust and friendship, a hand reaching out to Kei. He thought about all those times when Kuroo seemed distracted and detached from everything else. Right now, he just caught a piece of a puzzle that he wanted to solve. And suddenly, a thought occurred in his head.

What if he wanted his own puzzle to be solved too?

Besides Yamaguchi, Kei never told anyone else about what was happening in his family, about what was happening to him. There were even some things that Yamaguchi didn’t know either. But telling Kuroo? Why was he an option in the first place? Kei barely even knew him but he felt as if he was someone he could trust, for some unknown reason. He wasn’t going to tell Kuroo everything right away, but maybe if he could got to know him much more, maybe there was a chance.

 And right now, Kei was going to drop a clue.

“It’s different for me,” he spoke up. Kuroo looked at him attentively making Kei look away. “Father’s a drunkard but for some reason, my mom and I are still living with him.”

“Our fathers should go bowling together sometime,” Kuroo said, half-jokingly and half-bitterly.

“If he could stay sober enough,” Kei snorted. Kuroo laughed.

“Way to make light of the situation, Tsukishima Kei.”

“You started it,” Kei smiling slightly.

“Man, I wonder when the two of them will come back,” Kuroo said.

“Well this would technically be their first date if they decide to stay together,” Kei shrugged.

“God, I hope they’re not the PDA-type of couple.”

“Knowing Bokuto, they probably will be. Akaashi will probably just go along with it.”

“Still, that must be nice…” Kuroo sighed, leaning against one of the walls in the store and looking up thoughtfully. “To be able to date someone.”

“Maybe,” Kei mumbled as he dragged his finger over a section of peeling paint. Suddenly Kuroo spoke up again.

“Tsukishima, do you want to go on a date?”

Kei felt himself disintegrate.

 

**|One Year Later|**

Tetsurou kept all the mixtapes Kei made him, even the ones that were just one song repeated over and over again just to irritate him. The two of them never texted each other since neither of them had a cellphone back then. Listening to the mixtapes was a way for Tetsurou to remember him, to retrace his steps, to figure Kei out, to try to find if there was still a chance for them.

‘Love like This’ was the first song on the first mixtape that Kei gave him. Tetsurou had it on repeat at the moment until the lyrics were burned in his head.

_Love like this won’t last forever_

_Oh, love like this won’t last forever_

_But I don’t mind, I don’t mind at all_

“Kei,” Tetsurou whispered softly, as if the sound of his name could magically summon him.

What were you trying to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter was inspired by the song 'Love like This' by the band Kodaline. Listen to the acoustic version though, it's much better.


	6. The Way I Feel Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, I think I have you pretty much figured out by now,” Kuroo grinned as he got out from his place behind the counter and began to browse the shelves. Kei stood to the side and watched him as he picked up various records and CDs from the shelves, ran his fingers over the covers like he usually did, before shaking his head and putting them back. ‘Do you really have me all figured out?’ Kei wondered as he watched him. And if Kuroo did, would that be a good thing? If he searched every nook and cranny Kei had inside him, would he still treat him the same way he was treating him now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayy!! Sixth chapter already and Kuroo finally asked the question! Sorry that it took so long to get to this point. I understand that some people don't really like slow burn that much but to me it just feels more realistic that way. Thank you all so much though for reading and commenting and giving kudos. So nice to see some other KuroTsukki fans too!

**|Now|**

Kei looked at Kuroo in utter disbelief. The other boy was leaning against one of the shelves, avoiding his gaze. Kei watched as he picked up one of the records on the shelf and ran his hands gently over the cover. But this time, the thing that Kuroo suddenly said kept his mind off staring at his hands. He felt his mouth open and close before finally stopping the motion, realizing that he probably looked stupid while doing it. It felt like ages had passed until he finally said something in reply.

“What do you mean by ‘date’?” he asked. Kuroo looked up at him and flushed slightly.

“It’s not really a ‘date,’” he murmured. “Or it could be if you want it to. It’s basically just the two of us hanging out together. It doesn’t really have to be a date.”

“Then why did you say date in the first place?” Kei narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t know, because Akaashi and Bokuto are probably already going to date so that’s what was on my mind, okay?!” Kuroo said exasperatedly. “You know what? Just forget it. Forget I said anything.” Kuroo put the record back and placed his headphones, which were always slung around his neck, over his ears. Kei bit his lip and looked down. As if he was going to forget about it that easily.

Kei looked up to check the clock inside the store to see if his shift was almost over and breathed a sigh of relief to see that it was. He needed to get out of that place quick, it was the only thing he could do to escape that awkward situation. But then his next shift was in a few days. Kei decided he would worry about those later on once his head was clear enough for him to actually think.

After packing his bag, he exited from behind the counter and started walking towards the door. “I’ll be going, my shift is done,” he said, making his voice loud enough for Kuroo to hear over his headphones.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” he nodded, pushing his headphones down slightly.

“Yeah…” Kei mumbled, remembering that it was a Saturday the next day as well and that he’ll be seeing Kuroo all morning. It was already dark outside the shop but the street lamps planted along the sidewalk provided just enough light for him to see his way home. Kei liked counting streetlamps. Basically, he liked to count almost everything he saw to keep his mind off things. On his way home, he counted fifty-eight streetlamps, twenty-two of them were broken.

Kei still clearly remembered the place where Kuroo dropped him off on that night when he brought him home on his car. It was the tenth streetlamp from his house. He could still recall how Kuroo’s face looked in the glow of that streetlamp above them; the way the light threw shadows on his face, making his dark eyes look even darker. Kei felt his arms prickle with goosebumps and he tried to convince himself that it was just the nightly chill causing it.

Part of him now regretted not saying yes to Kuroo’s date.

…

Tetsurou found himself staring out the door long after Tsukishima left. He turned up the volume on his CD player knowing full well that it could damage his ears and hoping that it could drown out his thoughts. It could have been Koutarou and Keiji’s sudden relationship, or it could have been something else, Tetsurou wasn’t sure. But what was certain was that he had asked Tsukishima Kei out on a date.

The words just went right out of his mouth without him fully realizing just what he was going to say, and what the consequences might be. Tsukishima had looked shocked, horrified even, at what he said and Tetsurou couldn’t help but feel a stab of pain at the reaction. He couldn’t really blame him though, Tetsurou knew he wasn’t exactly ‘dating material.’ But part of him had hoped…

Part of him _had_ hoped. He couldn’t help but imagine, in those few seconds after he had asked Tsukishima, what it would be like if he said yes. It didn’t have to be a full-on date with movie-watching and eating in restaurants, although that would be nice as well. Anything simple would be fine, even if it was just something like listening to music in Tetsurou’s pick-up truck.

Because something inside him changed on that night, that night when Tsukishima bandaged his hand in the pick-up truck parked under one of the streetlamps. Up until now, he could still remember and see everything that happened, like pushing the repeat button on his favorite song again and again. He asked himself a hundred times if what he was feeling wasn’t just friendship. But he hadn’t felt these feelings for Keiji or even Koutarou. And his feelings for Tsukishima were almost indescribable. They felt new and old at the same time, familiar and unfamiliar. Like sketching something for the first time and at the same time knowing that it was something he was meant to sketch.

Love. It felt like love.

 

**|Twelve Years Ago|**

“Daddy’s… not coming back?” Tetsurou repeated, looking up at his Uncle Makoto. He searched his uncles’ face desperately, looking for a sign, any sign, that he was lying. That his father hadn’t really collected all of his belongings and taken a bus out of town, leaving him and his mother behind. That he hadn’t really meant to abandon Tetsurou and his mother.

“You’re lying, right Uncle?” he asked, trying to laugh so that maybe his uncle would laugh too and say that it was all just a joke. “You’re lying about Daddy leaving.” But Uncle Makoto didn’t laugh or smile or even change his stoic expression. He simply looked Tetsurou in the eye and shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Tetsu. He isn’t coming back.”

“But… but what about, what about me and Mom? What about us?” Tetsurou felt his voice crack and shake as tears began to well up in his eyes. He hated crying, especially if it was in front of people.

“Your mom will find away.” His uncle knelt down and placed a hand on his shoulder to reassure him. “Onee-chan’s strong, she can handle anything that comes her way. But still… what your father, what Tomoda did, it’s unforgivable…” Uncle Makoto’s hands curled into fists and he clenched his jaw angrily. “He could have at least told Naomi in person or talked about it before he left, not leave a damn letter.”

“Wh-where’s Mom now?” Tetsurou asked, looking up at his uncle. “Where is she?”

“She just left me a call,” Uncle Makoto sighed. “I don’t exactly know where she is.” Tetsurou quickly sat up and put on his jacket before heading towards the shop’s doors. His uncle followed after him.

“Wait, Tetsu. Where are you going?” he asked.

“I know where Mom is,” Tetsurou answered. ‘It could only be there. No one else knows about it,’ he thought. He walked up to the door and yanked it open.

“It’s pouring outside,” Uncle Makoto protested, pulling the door shut. “Just tell me where it is and I’ll go to her.”

“No, I have to go by myself,” Tetsurou shook his head. “It’s our secret place. Mom told me not to tell anyone, not even you. Don’t worry, I don’t catch colds easily.”

“Fine,” Uncle Makoto gave in, knowing that Tetsurou was just as stubborn and willful as his mother. “At least bring an umbrella,” he said, handing him the umbrella he kept by the store’s entrance. Tetsurou took it gratefully.

“I’ll see you later,” Tetsurou nodded before opening the umbrella and heading out into the rain.

 

**|Now|**

Kei’s father was sitting on a chair in the front porch when he came. He wasn’t drinking at the moment, Kei noticed, since there weren’t any bottles or cans in sight. But there was the question of whether he was sober or not which also affected his mood. His father’s moods typically ranged from anger to mild irritation. Right now, his father was simply sitting there quietly on the porch, staring into the distance. Kei couldn’t tell what he was thinking, if he was even thinking at all. But he didn’t want to linger long enough to find out. Without saying a word, Kei headed straight to the door but just when he was about to go in, his father spoke.

“Coming home late again?” he asked. Kei clenched his fists and stopped.

“Yeah,” he answered, knowing that his father would be pissed if he ignored.

“How come?” his father asked, his voice sounding dangerously calm.

“I got a job. I told you and Mom two weeks ago, remember?” Kei said, carefully choosing his words. “I work at the record store in town.”

“Getting a job already, huh?” his father slowly nodded, his eyes never moving away from that spot in the distance he was staring at. “Earning money, saving for the future so that you could move far, far away from your drunk, pathetic father.”

Now Kei didn’t know how he was going to reply. He was in a state of dumbfounded silence as the words ‘drunk, pathetic father’ echoed in his head. Those were words that immediately came to mind when he thought about his father, but never in a million years did he think that those would come out of his own father’s mouth. Kei looked at his father and to his surprise, he saw that he was actually wearing a clean set of clothes. The stubble on his chin was gone and what’s more, he didn’t have the smell of beer hanging so strongly around him. Kei was so used to seeing his father in the same set of dirty clothes that he didn’t even notice his current, cleaner, state.

“You’re…” Kei began, his eyes scanning over his father. “You…”

“I showered,” his father said, with a small shadow of a smile on his lips. A smile. Kei couldn’t tell if he was dreaming or not.

“You did,” was all he managed to say.

“I’ve been thinking Kei…” his father continued, looking directly at his son this time. “About… about Akiteru. The day he left. You still remember that, right?” Kei nodded, tight-lipped. How could he forget?

“I still remember how he looked at me,” his father said quietly. “Up until now, no matter how much I drink to forget I just can’t. And then sometimes I see my own father too, and I think about how I looked at him before with so much hate. And, and then I _hit_ you, that other night…” Kei’s father looked down at his shaking hands, his voice breaking. “I didn’t think, I didn’t think I’d be able to hit _you._ I promised myself I won’t ever do that.”

“I didn’t think you’d be able to do that either…” Kei said softly, looking at his father.

“And I won’t ever do it again,” he added. “Kei, I know this sounds just like a hollow promise. Heck, probably everything I said just now sounded like bullshit to you. But I’ll prove it to you this time, I will.” His father had tears running down his face now as he spoke but Kei stayed frozen in place, unsure of what to do. He couldn’t even believe what was happening. First Bokuto and Akaashi, then Kuroo asking him out, and now do this. ‘I’m probably just dreaming everything right now,’ Kei thought. He wanted to believe his father, he wanted it so bad. All those years, he had wanted his father to change for the better. But now that it was right there in front of him, Kei figured that it was probably just too good to be true.

“What made you change then?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at his father. “Why now?”

“Because you’re in senior high school, right?” his father sniffed. “You’re going to be leaving soon, and I don’t want you to leave the same way Akiteru did.”

Kei looked down, biting the corner of his bottom lip as he remembered the day when his older brother left them, how betrayed he felt when he saw the car pulling out of the street. It was useless to feel bitter about it even though Kei had for the first few months. But in the end, he couldn’t really blame his brother. He’d leave too if he had the chance. Kei just wished Akiteru took him and their mother along instead of abandoning them.

“I wish he didn’t leave that way either,” was all he said before going into the house and closing the door behind him.

…

Kei went into his room without bothering to eat dinner and sat down on his bed, tired from the events that occurred during the day. All he really wanted to do was sleep, and maybe even listen to a bit of music. Then he remembered the mixtape that Kuroo made him which was still tucked inside his bag. He took it out and stared at the cover in all its brightly-colored glory. It made him feel insecure about not putting that much effort into the mixtape he made and just writing ‘Music Recommendations’ on the cover. At the same time, it made him feel happy that Kuroo put in all that effort.

He took out the Of Monsters and Men CD he had been listening to earlier, and practically the whole week, out of his CD player and placed in Kuroo’s mixtape. Kei’s favorite part when it came to listening to CDs or records was hearing the first song. When Kuroo gave him the CD earlier, he simply took one look at the track list without actually checking what the first song was. He wanted to be surprised. For him, it was all about that first song that came on before anything else.

At first, all he heard was silence. Kei thought that maybe he didn’t play it but just when he was about to, the sound of a man’s voice singing came on. It was only the sound of his voice without any music playing in the background.

_Should I try to hide_

_The way I feel inside my heart for you?_

_Would you say that you_

_Would try to love me too?_

The song was simple, lasting for about two minutes. The background music came in at around the second verse. The melody was simple. The lyrics were simple. But every word, every note, resonated with meaning.

_Should I try to hide_

_The way I feel inside?_

Kuroo’s words resonated in his head _._ ‘Making a mixtape, now that’s an art. You don’t just mix songs together on a CD, you arrange them. Structure them in such a way that takes the listener on a journey.’ Kei knew that Kuroo put way too much effort into the mixtape to even forget a single, simple detail. He said that making a mixtape meant that the listener had to be taken on a journey.

If that was the case, what kind of journey was Kuroo taking him on?

 

**|Four Years Ago|**

Kei didn’t think that all of Akiteru’s things would fit in just three boxes and a backpack, but it did. ‘So that’s why he managed to pack all of his things without us noticing,’ he thought as he sat on the only chair in the porch, watching his brother as he placed the last box in his friend’s car. His mother was standing beside him, holding Kei’s hand. His father was still in his room, most probably asleep. Kei didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Is that the last of it?” Akiteru’s friend asked. Kei couldn’t remember if his name was Takumi or Takao.

“Yeah, you bet,” Akiteru nodded, wiping the sweat of his brow with the back of his arm. “But I have to say goodbye first. Can you give me a few minutes?”

“Take all the time you need,” Takumi or Takao smiled and nodded before getting in the front seat. Akiteru looked back in the direction of the house and his eyes fell on Kei’s. ‘Don’t leave us. Please don’t leave us,’ Kei wanted to say. He wanted to scream at his brother. He wanted so bad to hate him but he just couldn’t find it in his heart to do so. His brother was already an adult. He got a scholarship in a college in the city far, far, away from them. It was his chance, and Kei didn’t deserve to ruin it for him. He should be happy for him, but all he could feel was misery and dread.

Akiteru walked towards the two of them at the porch and gave their mother a hug first. Tears were running down her face as she hugged Akiteru tightly. “I’m happy for you. Come back for us again someday, okay?” Kei heard her whisper.

“I will, Mom. I promise,” Akiteru whispered back before pulling away from the embrace. Next, he turned to Kei and crouched in front of him.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you about this,” he said, smiling sadly at Kei. “You must hate me.”

“I do,” he replied, looking down to avoid his brother’s gaze.

“I’m sorry I can’t take you with me. I would if I could,” Akiteru sighed. “But if it means anything to you, I left you a gift.” He unzipped the backpack he was carrying a pulled out what looked to be a record before handing it to Kei. The edges of it were worn down, most likely from being carried around a lot. The cover showed a black-and-white picture of two men next to each other wearing sweaters. Kei read aloud the words on the bottom.

“Bookends. By Simon and Gar… Garfun…”

“Simon and Garfunkel,” Akiteru laughed. “It’s the first record I ever bought, and my favorite one.”

“But I never hear you listen to it,” Kei said, frowning at his brother.

“That doesn’t mean it’s not my favorite,” he answered. “I’m not really sure you’ll like it though, it’s okay if you don’t. But let me tell you something…” Akiteru leaned closer to him and whispered in his ear. “I left my record player behind, right under my bed. At night, when you’re alone and everyone else is asleep, play the record with a candle burning beside you in the dark. If you look into the candle, you’ll see your future.” Kei’s eyes widened as he looked down at the record, running his fingers gently over it.

“You’re joking, aren’t you?” he deadpanned.

“It’s up to you if you want to do it,” Akiteru shrugged before standing up. His eyes were sad when he looked at Kei and his mother. “I guess I’ll be going now then…” He reached out a hand and ruffled up his little brother’s hair. “Be good okay. Take care of Mom.”

“Take care of yourself, okay Akiteru?” his Mother said. “Try to call once in a while, if you can.”

“I will, I promise,” Akiteru nodded before he turned around and walked to the car where his friend was waiting. Kei watched, gripping the Simon and Garfunkel record in his hands as the car pulled out of the sidewalk and drove away. Despite his promise, Akiteru never called them. Not once.

 

**|Twelve Years Ago|**

The sound of water splashing seemed to follow Tetsurou around as he ran down the sidewalk. The small umbrella he carried with him did little to protect him from the heavy rain that soon soaked through his clothes and hair. Finally, after running down a few more streets, Tetsurou finally saw the lake ahead of him, and sure enough, the red pick-up truck was parked right in front of it too with its headlights still on. Tetsurou ran towards it and opened the door on the passenger’s side of the car.

“Mom?” he panted, breathless from his run. His mother was leaning forward in her seat with her forehead pressed against the steering wheel. She looked up when she heard Tetsurou.

“Tetsu? Wh-what are you doing here?” she sniffed, hastily wiping at her eyes. Tetsurou climbed into the car and shut the door behind him. “You’re all wet!” she exclaimed before removing her jacket and beginning to towel off Tetsurou’s hair and face.

“You were supposed to wait at Vinyl, I was going to pick you up in a few minutes,” his mother said. Her face was full of concern as she continued to fuss over her son. ‘You’re still worrying about me, even though you’re so sad about Dad leaving,” Tetsurou thought sadly as he watched her.

“Mom?” he asked softly, holding onto his mother’s wrist to stop her from toweling off his hair. “Dad left, didn’t he?” His mother stopped and put down her jacket. Her hair looked even messier than it usually was, kind of like how a broom’s head looked.

“Yes, he did,” she finally answered, her mouth barely moving when she said the words.

“Uncle Makoto told me,” Tetsurou said. He could feel the sobs rising up in his chest again. “He’s not coming back again, isn’t he?”

“No,” his mother shook her head and choked back a sob. “I’m sorry Tetsu, he’s not coming back.”

“I was worried about you,” Tetsurou sniffed. “So I… I came all the way here. This is your favorite place in town, right?”

“You came all the way here?” His mother smiled despite her sobs. She reached forward and pulled Tetsurou to her chest. “God, you’re such a sweet kid.”

“What’s going to happen to us, Mom?” he asked. “You’re going to have to work now, right?”

“Shhh, you’re too young to worry about me,” his mother chuckled as she poked him on the forehead. “If you get worried at a young age you’ll develop wrinkles quickly. Don’t worry, I’ll find work somehow. We’ll be fine, okay? I’ll always take care.”

“You won’t leave?” Tetsurou asked, looking up at her. His mother smiled and shook her head.

“I won’t leave. I promise.”

 

**|Now|**

“So you two are officially dating already?” Tetsurou asked, grinning as he held the telephone to his ear.

“Yeah!” Koutarou exclaimed over the other line. Tetsurou could clearly imagine the wide smile his friend must have on his face at the moment. “Turns out, Akaashi also had a crush on me too, can you believe it? He said he liked me since high school!”

“Wow, for that long?” Tetsurou whistled.

“Yup. It would have been much easier for the two of us if I just confessed to him earlier. But it turns out even he felt nervous about telling me too.”

“I guess even Akaashi gets nervous about things like these.”

“I know! It’s terribly cute! I think I like him even more now! Help me Tetsu…” Koutarou whined.

“Nah man, you’re on your own here,” Tetsurou chuckled as he ran his fingers over one of the song lyrics he wrote on the countertop. “But I guess that means I’m the third wheel now,” he sighed.

“No way bro, Akaashi and I will never third wheel you,” Koutarou said. “That I can promise you.”

“Yeah right,” Tetsurou laughed. “I might find you two making out on top of the desk in the office or something.” Koutarou fell silent on the other end of the line. ‘Geez, he’s already imagining it in his head, isn’t he?’ Tetsurou thought.

“God, I’ve given you an idea, haven’t I?” he moaned.

“N-no way!” Koutarou stammered. “A-akaashi and I will never, ever do that. A-and I wasn’t thinking about that either…”

“Don’t lie bro, you were thinking about that,” Tetsurou shook his head, smiling. “Well, good luck on your first date. Say hi to your sweet, darling boyfriend for me.”

“Oh  my god, he really is my sweet, darling boyfriend now,” Koutarou sighed. “Anyway, see you! I’ll tell you all about it later.”

“Bye,” Tetsurou said before hanging up the phone just when he heard the shop bell ring. He looked up and found Tsukishima entering through the door. Tetsurou felt his heart leap in his chest but tried not to let it show.

“Morning,” he greeted, trying to sound as casual as possible even though he was all jumbled up and confused on the inside. Tsukishima looked up at him and gave a single nod.

“Hey,” he said, eyes darting away quickly from Tetsurou’s as he made his way to the office to place his bag. ‘He still feels uncomfortable,’ Tetsurou thought disappointedly. After dropping of his bag, Tsukishima didn’t go to his usual space behind the counter but instead browsed the shelves full of records. ‘Maybe he’s buying something today,’ Tetsurou wondered. That’s when he got an idea.

…

“Hey, hey, Tsukishima,” Kuroo called from behind the counter. Kei looked up at him and frowned, puzzled at the sudden proposition.

“’Guess the Genre’ again?” he asked.

“No, a new one,” Kuroo shook his head. “It’s a guessing game too, but much harder.”

“What is it with you and guessing games?”

“It exercises the brain a lot,” Kuroo explained.

“Seems valid,” Kei shrugged. “So what’s the game then?”

“’See if I Can Guess What Tsukishima Will Buy Next,’” Kuroo announced, crossing his arms in front of himself.

“The title is unnecessarily long,” Kei deadpanned.

“I have an acronym: S.I.I.C.G.W.T.W.B.N.”

“Also unnecessarily long.”

“Don’t sweat the small stuff, Tsukishima Kei,” Kuroo wagged a finger in front of him. “Also, since the guessing is much harder to do, we play for stakes.”

“Stakes? Like loser has to not bother the winner in a million years,” Kei jokingly suggested.

“Yeah, stakes,” Kuroo nodded. “Are you up to it?”

“Fine then,” Kei said. “You’ll be the one guessing, right? Good luck with that.”

“Oh, I think I have you pretty much figured out by now,” Kuroo grinned as he got out from his place behind the counter and began to browse the shelves. Kei stood to the side and watched him as he picked up various records and CDs from the shelves, ran his fingers over the covers like he usually did, before shaking his head and putting them back. ‘Do you really have me all figured out?’ Kei wondered as he watched him. And if Kuroo did, would that be a good thing? If he searched every nook and cranny Kei had inside him, would he still treat him the same way he was treating him now?

“Alright! Found it!” Kuroo loudly announced, immediately getting Kei’s attention. He was standing over by the ‘Classic Rock’ section before he began walking towards him. Once Kei saw the record clutched in his left hand, he knew that Kuroo’s guess was wrong. Kei wasn’t planning on buying a record today, he had his eyes set on a CD from the Blues section already.

“Alright, let’s see if you really know me then,” Kei said sarcastically, feeling slightly disappointed that Kuroo chose wrong even though he knew full well that being able to guess what he was going to buy was practically impossible.

“I don’t really know this group that well but I figured this is something you’d go for,” Kuroo said before showing him the record. But even though it wasn’t what Kei was planning to buy, he was completely taken aback with surprise with what Kuroo chose.

“Bookends,” he said aloud, in a voice that sounded almost like he was whispering. “Simon and Garfunkel.” It looked just like the record Akiteru gave him all those years ago, except for the fact that the cover didn’t have the worn edges his record. Suddenly, his memory took him back to the night after his brother left them. He remembered lighting a candle on his desk before playing the record on Akiteru’s record player. He remembered looking directly at the candle’s flame as the music washed over him and suddenly, it didn’t matter that he didn’t see his future like his brother said he would. Because he finally began to understand just why Akiteru left.

He looked up at Kuroo in disbelief. Kei knew from weeks of checking and double-checking the store’s inventory that there were approximately five hundred records and albums sold in the shop. The fact that Kuroo was able to choose this among all the other ones definitely meant something.

“It probably isn’t what you’re planning to buy though,” Kuroo laughed and scratched the back of his head. “I just did it for kicks. Am I close though?”

“…You are,” Kei said. “In fact, you actually guessed it right.”

“Woah, seriously?” Kuroo said incredulously. “Like, really? I guessed it right?”

“Really, even I can’t believe it,” Kei shook his head.

“Woah! I must really be amazing!” Kuroo laughed. “Hey Tsukishima, think of a number between ten and zero and I’ll try to guess it!”

“I don’t think it works that way,” Kei deadpanned; hesitating a bit before adding “About the stakes though…”

“Oh, those…” Kuroo cocked his head and mulled it over. “Hmmm… what should I ask then? Free food? Make you sing a corny, eighties pop song out loud? Play a prank on Akaashi?” Kuroo trailed off, muttering a couple more suggestions when Kei interrupted him.

“How about the thing you asked the other night,” he blurted out without even really understanding what he was saying. ‘Shit!’ he mentally screamed once the words were all said and he saw the surprised expression on Kuroo’s face. ‘Now I guess it’s my turn to be embarrassed,’ he thought.

“Th-the one I asked the other night?” Kuroo stammered. “But that’s…”

“A date,” Kei finished. He looked down and studied the dirty shoelaces of his worn-down sneakers. “Just the two of us. If you want to, I mean. You don’t really have to if you don’t want.”

“N-no!” Kuroo hurriedly blurted out. “I mean, it’s alright with me. Let’s go on a date then, next Saturday or something after work. We can leave a little earlier. How about that?” he asked, looking up at Kei somewhat shyly.

“Sure,” he nodded. Kuroo’s face lit up in a grin.

“So, are you going to be buying that record then?” he asked while making his way back to the counter. Kei clutched it tightly in his hands.

“Yeah, I will,” he said, smiling slightly as he looked down at the familiar record. Even though he already the same Bookends record at home, he still felt like he needed to own this one too. While the record Akiteru gave him felt like a piece of his brother, this one felt more like a sign of something new starting. Kei looked up and watched Kuroo as he scribbled something, no doubt another song lyric, on the countertop. His tongue stuck out a bit as he worked, just like a little kid’s, and Kei felt a fluttering in his chest. He wanted to know Kuroo Tetsurou even more, he wanted to know how he was able to pull out a part of him that he thought no one else would be able to do.

Suddenly, as if on cue, the melody and words of the song Kei listened to a hundred times last night began to play in his head.

_But ‘til I can see_

_That you really care for me_

_I’ll keep trying to hide_

_The way I feel inside_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what's going to happen on their date? Find out in the next chapter!! Also, the song 'The Way I Feel Inside' is by a band called The Zombies. All other bands and artists mentioned are non-fictional


	7. I Wanna Hold Your Hand/Must Get Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The car didn’t slow down at all. Kei kept his grip on his seat tight until he felt something warm on his hand. He looked down and found Kuroo’s hand resting on top of it. The touch gave him a strange sense of comfort and suddenly, Kei wasn’t even worried about the fact that Kuroo only had one hand on the steering wheel and that he wasn’t even wearing a seatbelt and that the old pick-up truck was probably going to break down and that more than a million deaths that occur per year are caused by car accidents.
> 
> I’m not giving up
> 
> I’m needing your love
> 
> The wind coming in from the open window blew against his face and hair. The tunnel looked as if it could go on forever. The lights inside made the whole scene look ethereal and out of this world. And suddenly, Kei didn’t feel so afraid anymore. Something loosened inside his chest thumped against his throat, as if wanting to get out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! This was a pretty long chapter but at least it's a KuroTsukki first date! Yayyyy!! Thanks for all of your comments and kudos so far! Finally it's going to get exciting...

**|Now|**

“Thank you for the meal.”

“Thank you for the meal.”

“Thank you for the meal…” Kei broke apart his chopsticks and began to eat, his eyes never leaving his father’s as he began to eat as well on the other side of the table. He was wearing a clean, button-down shirt and pants this time since he just came back from a job interview. In fact, he looked just like he did back then, all those years ago before he started drinking.

“Dinner tastes very good, Noriko,” his father said as he ate another morsel of rice.

“I’m glad you like it,” his mother smiled back. “Though I couldn’t get as many ingredients as I wanted to…”

“No matter. I’ll get a job real quickly so that I can actually contribute this time,” his father said, smiling bitterly down at his plate. “It’ll be just like before, don’t worry. I’m going to work harder this time.”

“I know you will,” his mother reassured him. “We know you will.” Kei felt her eyes looking at him but he kept his head down as he ate. He still couldn’t quite grasp the concept of his father turning over a new leaf. ‘Three days,’ he told himself. ‘It will only last for three days.’ But after that there was a fourth day and another one until almost a week had passed.

His mother accepted it quicker than he did. Kei noticed her coming home earlier than she used to and she didn’t look as tired as she used to before. She even took the time to cook dinner for the first time in a long time. ‘And she seems happier too,’ Kei thought as he watched his parents have an actual conversation as they ate. She was smiling now. Kei forgot the last time he saw her smile like that.

“How about you, Kei?”

Kei blinked twice and shook his head to clear his thoughts a bit. He turned to his father who was looking at him expectantly. “Sorry, what did you say again?” he asked.

“I was asking you if there was anything new going on,” his father said, repeating his question.

“Oh, actually…” Kei looked down and cleared his throat a bit. “I may stay a bit late for work tomorrow,” he lied. “One of the employees is going to be absent so I volunteered to take over his shift.”

“Tomorrow in the record store, right?” his mother clarified. “Well it’s a Saturday so it shouldn’t be a problem them, right?” she turned to his father.

“Not at all,” he shook his head. “And Kei’s old enough to take care of himself anyway,” he shrugged. Kei nodded in agreement but didn’t say anything else. Tomorrow was his date with Kuroo. His stomach felt funny whenever he thought about it and his body felt like it was tingling all over. Of course it didn’t help that he saw Kuroo on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday in the store. He had to practically blast heavy metal rock music on his headphones for him to focus his attention somewhere else. Anywhere else but Kuroo.

But that was a nearly impossible feat for Kei. He used to find himself looking at Kuroo quite often at times, but now it was as if he was a magnet for Kei’s attention. The effect wasn’t only limited to when he was around either. Even when Kei was in class he still found his thoughts drifting back to Kuroo. His feelings were all jumbled up and confused and Kei was dying to put them back in order. He considered talking to Yamaguchi about it but he wanted to try to sort out his feelings first until he knew what he was dealing with.

If only he actually knew where to begin.

 

**|Eleven Years Ago|**

Tetsurou wasn’t completely sure when his love for drawing exactly started, but he knew that it was around the time after his dad left. Those times were one of the hardest he had to go through. Besides having to deal with the shock of the sudden separation, his mother also had to deal with their financial situation. One of the things Tetsurou was thankful for, besides his Uncle Makoto who always lent the two of them a hand, was the fact that he and his mother had each other. Despite the fact that she was depressed for some amount of time, she still managed to get back on her feet, for both their sakes.

And when everything else just seemed like too much, Tetsurou put on his headphones and blasted everything else away with some music. Unlike money, music was always in supply and never ran out. It also led Tetsurou to develop his skill for drawing. Everything started when he discovered a CD by Ludovico Einaudi, a pianist that his uncle was a fan of. The cover was a picture of a room with a window in the background and a table in the foreground that had a few items on top. It wasn’t anything special, but for some reason Tetsurou felt the urge to draw it.

He drew it on a small Post-it pad he found on his uncle’s desk and used it a black ballpoint pen to make it. His sketching was a bit rough since he only knew a few basic techniques from his art class but other than that, Tetsurou thought that it was quite good for a first try. After that, he set his drawing aside and picked up a CD album. He forgot the name of the band but he liked the different shapes and patterns on the front so he decided to replicate. On and on he did this, until the day came to an end.

He continued this for a few weeks: picking out CDs or records that had interesting covers and then drawing them out himself. Soon, he even began to doodle on the margins of his notebooks during class time when the teacher wasn’t looking. Next, he moved on to landscapes and objects he saw in real life. He carried a sketchbook and pencil with him wherever he went. His sketching got much better until he could draw things he visualized in his head without having to consult a guide.

Besides being able to enjoy it, Tetsurou received other benefits from his drawing time. Like music, it provided a distraction from everyday life. Whenever he put a pencil to paper and sketched something new, it felt as if he was creating his own reality and at the same time escaping the one he was currently in. It gave him a chance to imagine things the way he wanted to. With nothing going the way he wants it to in real life, drawing gave him a sense of power and self-control over his own life that he could never get from anything else.

It gave him freedom.

 

**|Now|**

Even if Koutarou didn’t say it out loud, Tetsurou could tell that he was head-over-heels-in-cloud-nine by the amount of romantic pop music he was blasting on the store’s speakers. Tetsurou let him do it anyway, his best friend deserved it for finally being able to have Keiji as his boyfriend. But by the time he heard ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’ for the fifth time that morning, he was more than ready to run out of the store.

“Hey, are you sure you don’t have class today?” Tetsurou asked for the third time.

“Yup. The professor has a hangover, like I said twenty minutes ago,” Koutarou answered as he hummed along to the song. Since he had free time, he decided to go over to Vinyl to ‘help Tsukishima with the Saturday shift.’ Tetsurou was sure Tsukishima would probably think that ‘bother’ was a more appropriated word than ‘help.’

“Alright then,” Tetsurou sighed as he went back to his drawing. He was still busily coloring in the letter ‘W’ when he heard the shop door open and immediately looked up.

“HEY!!! TSUKISHIMAAAA!!!” Bokuto yelled, standing up in his seat and waving his arm. Tsukishima looked up at him exasperatedly before his eyes roamed and landed on Tetsurou’s. He gave a slight nod before looking down and heading to the office to drop his things. Tetsurou swallowed and looked down at his work. He was drawing an album cover for another mixtape he was planning to give to Tsukishima and play on their… date.

It was happening later. Tetsurou never thought that a week could go by so slowly. Part of him wished that he asked Tsukishima to go out with him last Sunday so that it was all over and done with but he didn’t want to be too sudden. Even now, he was still worried that he was going to back out from their date at the last minute. So far, Tsukishima didn’t say anything of that sort.

But even though Tetsurou was the one who first suggested it, Tsukishima was the one who brought it up again and said yes. He thought his hopes of asking Tsukishima out had ended on that night when he turned him down. So when Tsukishima brought the subject back up again, he was caught completely off-guard. But what made him change his mind? That’s what Tetsurou really wanted to know.

“’The Long and Winding Road?’” Koutarou read aloud as he leaned over Tetsurou’s shoulder to look at what he was doing.

“Yeah,” Tetsurou grinned and nodded as he continued shading in the ‘W’.

“What’s that for?” his friend asked, cocking his head to the side. “Another mixtape cover?”

“Yep, it’s for Tsukishima,” Tetsurou added, as if that needed any explaining. Koutarou grinned broadly at him.

“You know, I haven’t seen you draw in a while,” he said. “Like, actually sit down and draw something.”

“Huh, you’ve noticed?” Tetsurou asked.

“I’ve always noticed, I’m your best friend Tetsu,” Koutarou chuckled. “It’s nice seeing you back at it and it seems your skill is just as good as it was before too.”

“Thanks,” Tetsurou smiled and looked down. “I guess I’ve been more inspired lately.”

“And you seem happier too,” Koutarou said and hesitated before saying “Is it because of Tsukishima?”

“Tsu-Tsukishima?” Tetsurou stammered, immediately feeling his cheeks coloring. “N-not exactly. Wh-what makes you say that?”

“Well, because you started behaving a bit differently when he came in to work with us here,” Koutarou said. “I know you two have been exchanging music recommendations and you seem to really like the ones that Tsukishima suggests.  You like talking to him and whenever he enters the shop you always look up quickly, as if you know he’s the one who’s entering.”

“I… I do that?” Tetsurou cocked his head, slightly surprised at what Koutarou told him. He wasn’t even aware that he was doing all those things that he mentioned.

“Yeah,” Koutarou nodded. “Don’t you notice?”

“No, I don’t think I do,” Tetsurou shook his head.

“Hey Tetsu…” Koutarou said, his voice suddenly sounding serious. Tetsurou looked up at him but his friend shut his mouth and shook his head, choosing not to continue what he was going to say.

“Never mind,” he said, smiling at Tetsurou.

“Hey wait, what is it?” he asked. “You can’t just leave me hanging man.”

“I’ll tell you someday, alright?” Koutarou grinned. “Sorry but I don’t think it’s the right time to say it just yet. Oh and by the way, I think you need to leave for your job soon.” Tetsurou looked up to check the clock in the shop.

“You’re right,” he said, standing up and packing away his almost-finished drawing and art materials into his bag. Tsukishima left the office carrying a box of new records to be sorted just before Tetsurou was about to leave.

“Are you leaving already?” he asked, looking up at him.

“Yeah, can’t be late for work or else the manager will kill me,” Tetsurou chuckled and rubbed the back of his head.

“I’ll see you later then,” Tsukishima nodded.

“I’ll see you too,” Tetsurou smiled. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Koutarou watching the interaction between the two of them with an unreadable expression on his face. But he left before he could actually interpret whatever it meant.

…

Kei swore that he was going to burn down a whole building if he had to listen to ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’ again. Especially if he had to listen to Bokuto sing along with it in a loud, off-key manner. It reminded him of the time he heard Kuroo belt out Mercury’s part of ‘Under Pressure’ when he was driving him home. Kei couldn’t imagine what Akaashi has to go through whenever he has to listen to the two of them sing at the same time.

“Hey, what time is Akaashi picking you up again?” Kei asked for the third time.

“In a few minutes,” Bokuto answered, checking his phone for any new messages. “He still keeps addressing me as ‘Bokuto-san’ even when we’re texting each other.”

“What do you call him then?” Kei asked, feeling genuinely curious about his answer.

“Keiji,” Bokuto said, his voice sounding soft and full of affection. He had a small, shy smile on his face when he said it. ‘He really is in love him,’ Kei suddenly thought. It was such a small thing, saying Akaashi’s name, but it probably meant everything to Bokuto.

“That sounds nice,” Kei said. It was all he could think of to say. Suddenly, he heard the shop bell ring and looked up to find Akaashi walk in.

“KEIJI!” Bokuto hollered. Kei winced, feeling his eardrums shatter to pieces as he watched Bokuto engulf Akaashi in a bear hug.

“I-It’s nice to see you too, Bokuto-san, Tsukishima-san,” Akaashi gasped.

“Just call me Koutarou already, Keiji,” Bokuto reminded him as soon as he let go. “I call you Keiji already.”

“It’s a force of habit,” Akaashi reasoned. “But I’ll make an effort to try, Koutarou.” At the sound of his name, Bokuto turned red and grinned like an idiot.

“That sounds better!”

Kei stood behind the counter, feeling slightly awkward at the interaction happening in front of him. He found it quite strange that he was feeling that way, especially since he was used to the unbearable sexual tension between Kageyama and Hinata. But even though he felt unbelievably awkward, he couldn’t exactly say that he hated it either. For some reason, he felt as if what Bokuto and Akaashi had, even though only a week had passed since they first started dating, was real and concrete. And after watching the way different couples in his school fall apart, it felt nice seeing evidence that real relationships actually existed.

“Sorry I’m late. The traffic was unusually bad today,” Akaashi apologized.

“Don’t worry Keiji! Tsukishima kept me company,” Bokuto waved it off.

“No, I was actually apologizing to Tsukishima-san,” he said, looking directly at Kei. “I hope Bokuto-san hasn’t given you too much trouble today.”

“Actually, he’s been quite annoying,” Kei answered.

“Hey! I didn’t play with your glasses this time,” Bokuto protested.

‘Your very presence already annoys me,’ Kei thought, but he kept it in his head instead of saying it out loud. He didn’t want Bokuto to get into his so-called ‘Dejected Mode’ and have Akaashi have to deal with it for their date later.

“Well, I’ll be taking him off your hands now,” Akaashi said. “Shall we go already, Bokuto-sa—I mean Koutarou?”

“Yeah!” Bokuto nodded and turned around to wave at Kei. “See you next Tuesday!”

‘God, I hope not.’ Kei sighed but gave a small wave with his hand nonetheless as the couple exited the shop. It was four p.m., one hour before his shift ended. One hour before Kuroo would come back to pick him up for their date. Suddenly, he felt increasingly nervous as he watched the minute hand on the clock move a little bit to the right. One more hour.

He was a little relieved by the fact that Kuroo seemed to be just as nervous as he was when the two of them met for a few minutes earlier that day. He always imagined Kuroo as a more confident person who wasn’t as shy or introverted as he was. That’s why it surprised him a little to see him act a little on edge earlier. Kei wasn’t one who liked it when things happened unexpectedly. But since Kuroo was basically a bundle of unpredictability, he found himself learning to love it as well.

Kei busied himself by sorting and re-sorting the records and CDs in the shelves nearby. The simple but regular practice calmed him down a bit more but nothing could stop him from glancing at the clock every few minutes. To his surprise, he even found himself checking his reflection on the shop window as often as he checked the time. Kei never really cared that much about his appearance. He didn’t think he was particularly attractive nor did he think he was ugly either, just ordinary really. Earlier that day, he spent a considerable amount of time choosing what he was going to wear. He ended up wearing a pair of jeans that were considerably newer than the rest of the pants he had and a plain white t-shirt. Now he was fiddling with his glasses and patting his hair down so that it lay flat. Eventually, he decided to give up on sorting the records shelf and headed into the bathroom to fix himself up a bit before Kuroo arrived.

Aside from his headphones, CD player, and wallet, Kei also brought along a dark, gray sweater for him to wear and a black beanie just in case his hair refused to cooperate. He liked keeping his hair short but since his mother barely had enough money, getting a haircut was more of twice a year affair. His blonde hair got curlier as it grew longer and most of the time he just kept it in place by wearing a beanie. Kei decided to wear it now as well but he frowned in the mirror at how large it made his forehead look.

Once he was done, Kei immediately checked the time when he left the bathroom. It was five-forty, only twenty minutes left before Kuroo came. When he sat down on the chair behind the counter, he wondered if Kuroo was also fussing over how he looked like on the way to the store. But then again, someone who had a perpetual bedhead and wore cat t-shirts ninety-percent of the time probably didn’t care much about their own appearance.

Kei fidgeted in his seat. Suddenly, he felt over-dressed.

…

Tetsurou glanced at the car mirror again for probably the umpteenth time to check his appearance. Earlier that morning, he had spent almost twenty minutes trying to decide what to wear for later before throwing a few things in his bag before he headed to work. After his shift at Bento ended, he changed into a pair of dark jeans, a dark blue V-neck t-shirt, and a black jacket. ‘I look like a goth freak,’ Tetsurou thought as he looked at himself in the mirror. He knew his hair was already a lost cause but he couldn’t stop himself from trying to pat the back of his hair flat. Bokuto always tried to convince him to use the hair wax he used to spike his hair up to which Tetsurou replied that he wasn’t going to ‘smear tar or concrete or whatever that is’ on his hair.

‘Tsukishima probably looks amazing right now,’ he thought sullenly as he drove his car down the road. But Tsukishima always looked amazing to Tetsurou, even when he was just wearing his school uniform. Finally, he parked the car along the sidewalk in front of Vinyl and turned off the engine. Anxiously, he looked at the mixtape he placed on top of the car’s stereo. He had finished coloring it while he was on his break at work. ‘Calm down, Tetsu,’ he told himself as he took in a few deep breaths before opening the car door and stepping out. Tsukishima was already standing up behind the counter when he entered the shop. The sight of him made Tetsurou inhale a sharp breath. Besides the dark grey sweater and jeans that looked amazing on him, he was also wearing a black beanie over his head. It accentuated the blond curls of hair that framed his face and made his glasses look even darker and his eyes larger. Tetsurou felt his fingers tingle as he tried to capture a picture of how Tsukishima looked like in his head. He could already imagine making a sketch of how he looked like now, a picture using only blacks, greys, whites, and maybe hints of gold for his eyes and hair.

“Um… Bokuto already left with Akaashi,” Tsukishima said, fiddling with the back of his beanie a little bit which Kuroo found extremely cute.

“We should get going already then,” he suggested, taking the keys out of his pocket. He tossed it towards Tsukishima who caught it easily with one hand, as if he predicted exactly what Tetsurou was going to do. After locking up the cash register, drawing down the blinds over the windows, and finally locking up the store, the two of them got into his car.

“So, where are we going?” Tsukishima asked just as he switched on the engine and drove down the street. Tetsurou cast him a sidelong glance and grinned.

“Well, if you’re cool with having coffee for dinner there’s this café that I go to a lot,” he answered. “It’s pretty far out from here but still within the town’s area.”

“Sounds good,” Tsukishima nodded. His arm was propped up against the car window and his chin was in his hand as he looked out. Tetsurou once again felt the urge to take out his sketchbook and pencils.

…

“Oh yeah, almost forgot,” Kuroo suddenly spoke up. “I made a new mixtape for you.” His hand reached for a CD placed on top of the car’s stereo. Without taking his eyes of the road, he handed the CD to Kei. He turned it over in his hands. The cover was as creatively designed and brightly colored as the last one he gave him. The title now was ‘The Long and Winding Road.’

“Thank you…” he murmured, his voice not sounding as sincere as he wanted it to. “Sorry, I didn’t—“

“Don’t worry about it,” Kuroo waved him off. “I just really like making mixtapes. I don’t get to make them quite often for Akaashi and Koutarou so you’re the lucky one who gets to receive them. Sorry about the non-original title though.”

“Can I play it now?” Kei asked, looking at him for permission.

“Be my guest,” Kuroo grinned and swept his hand towards the car’s speaker. Kei opened the CD case and carefully lifted the CD out before placing it in the car’s CD player and pressing play. ‘The first song,’ he thought, remembering the first song that played on the last mixtape Kuroo made him. The sound of guitars strumming was the first thing he heard, and then the familiar vocal duet of John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

_Oh yeah I’ll tell you something_

_I think you’ll understand_

_When I say that something_

_I wanna hold your hand_

“I wanna hold your hand,” Kuroo sang along, as he tapped his hands against the steering wheel.

“The Beatles?” Kei said.

“The one and only. Actually, most of the songs in that mixtape are Beatles songs,” Kuroo pointed out.

“So you’re a pretty big fan then.” That surprised Kei a bit, considering Kuroo’s taste in indie music. But then again he also liked classic rock songs.

“Of course,” Kuroo scoffed. “They’re one of the greatest rock bands in history.”

“Hmmm…”

“What, you disagree?” Kuroo looked at him.

“Well I think they’re alright,” Kei said. “Just not really the greatest.”

“Hmmm… I see,” Kuroo nodded. “Well, to each his own I guess. It’s your opinion.”

“You… don’t think I’m being rude or anything?” Kei asked slowly. Most of the time, people found it rude whenever he expressed his honest opinion so he usually just feigned indifference whenever someone asked him about what he thought.

“No, I love how you’re honest with me,” Kuroo shook his head. “To me it means that you trust that I’ll understand whatever you say.”

‘You’re right,’ Kei wanted to say. ‘I do trust you.’ But he held himself back and just leaned back in his chair to listen to the rest of the mixtape.

“Ask me,” Kuroo spoke up again just before the song was about to finish.

“Ask you what?” Kei frowned.

“Ask me why I think the Beatles is one of the greatest rock bands in history,” Kuroo pressed. Kei rolled his eyes but asked him nonetheless.

“Why do you think that the Beatles is one of the greatest rock bands in history?”

“Replay the song.”

“What?”

“Replay the song, Tsukishima Kei,” Kuroo repeated. “It’s going to provide background music for my explanation.”

“Fine.” Kei leaned over and replayed the song as Kuroo cleared his throat.

“Here it is… The reason why the Beatles is one of the greatest rock bands in history is because…” Kuroo glanced over at him and held out his hand. “Give me your hand, Tsukishima.”

“What?” Kei asked, taken aback by the sudden request.

“Give me your hand,” Kuroo repeated, shoving his hand towards him. Kei frowned at him doubtfully but placed his hand in Kuroo’s nonetheless. The feeling of his hand brought up the memory of that night. Now that Kei had a closer look at them, he was able to notice that most of the cuts had healed but the larger ones still left some light scars.

“This is the reason why they were one of the greatest rock bands in history,” Kuroo explained rather vaguely, his fingers closing over Kei’s hand.

“The series of vague explanations are really helping me understand your point,” Kei deadpanned.

“It’s in their songs,” Kuroo said. “While the whole world was making a mess of itself with the Vietnam war and the almost-nuclear-war that happened, the Beatles were writing these songs about love and peace and happiness.”

“So did almost every other band during that time,” Kei pointed out.

“Yeah but the Beatles really hit the mark,” Kuroo answered. “They were telling everyone just how simple those things were instead of overcomplicating everything. Take love, for instance. It’s not always about risking your life and devoting yourself to another person. Most of the time, it’s just about the small things.” Kuroo lifted Kei’s hand up and grinned at him. “I wanna hold your hand. It’s such a simple thing, but it can mean so much. Like this, see?”

Kei looked down at their hands and felt warmth rushing to his face. He knew he was blushing and hoped that it was dark enough inside the car for Kuroo to not take notice. Finally, Kuroo let go of his hand and turned back to the road as the stoplight shone green.

“Anyway, just thought that you should know.”

“Well, I guess I understand it more now,” Kei said. “I never really thought of it that way.”

“You have now been enlightened,” Kuroo grinned. Kei smiled to himself as he looked out the window.

‘I guess I have.’

…

“I really did not need to know that,” Tsukishima made a face as he shook his head. “I could have gone through my entire life peacefully without having to know that.”

“It’s a pretty funny story,” Tetsurou chuckled. He had been telling Tsukishima the story about a class field trip he once had back in high school. He and Koutarou were in the same but the two of them got separated from the rest of the class and had to find their way back to the hotel by themselves. Unfortunately, Koutarou left his bag full of clothes in the train and had to borrow his used clothes to wear, including his boxer shorts.

“Moral of the story: always keep your backpack close to you when you’re riding a train,” Tetsurou added.

“More like ‘Never go on a field trip with someone who pays more attention to an old man’s wig than to his own things,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes and took another sip of his coffee. The two of them were seated at one of the tables near the window, sipping coffee and eating sandwiches. Tsukishima seemed to really like the coffee judging by the way he closed his eyes and let out a small sigh after each drink.

“It would have been much different if Akaashi came along with us,” Tetsurou said. “He has enough maturity and responsibility for the two of them.”

“Funny how he’s more mature than the two of you put together even though he’s the youngest one among you three,” Tsukishima snorted.

“We’re more than grateful to have him.” Tetsurou picked up the menu from the table again and looked through it. “Anyway, are you thinking of getting dessert?” Tetsurou had stashed some money in preparation for their date so he could treat Tsukishima but he had flat-out denied the offer and demanded that they split the bill.

“Yeah, the desserts here look good,” Tsukishima nodded and began to look through his menu as well. “Do you recommend anything?”

“Ummmm, the strawberry shortcake maybe?” Tetsurou suggested. Tsukishima scowled at him over the menu.

“People always assume I like strawberry-flavored things,” he muttered.

“What? Really?” Tetsurou snorted.

“My friends always give me those weird strawberry-cream filled breads when they pass by the cafeteria,” Tsukishima said. “And not just that. Also strawberry lollipops, strawberry candy, strawberry ice cream. Even Kageyama gets me strawberry-flavored milk when its his turn to get the drinks.”

“Maybe they associate with your sweet and gentle personality,” Tetsurou smirked.

“Very funny,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “Anyway, do you have any other recommendations?”

“Well… they serve these really good pistachio-flavored macaroons. My mom and I ate them all the time,” Tetsurou said, smiling to himself at the memory.

“I’ll go with that then,” Tsukishima decided and put down his menu. He called over a waiter and said their order. “Maybe you can bring some home to your mother after,” he said once the waiter left.

“I don’t think that can happen,” Tetsurou shook his head and put down his own menu as well.

“Why?” Tsukishima asked, almost whispering the question. But when Tetsurou looked into his eyes, he could tell that he already had an idea of what happened.

“She’s dead,” he said, deciding to say it out loud. “So I can’t really give it to her.”

“I-I see…” Tsukishima bit his lip and looked down. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“It happened a long time ago,” Tetsurou shook his head. The waiter came back and placed a small plate of pistachio macarons in front of them. Tetsurou picked one up and took a time, first hearing the crunch of the macaron cookie between his teeth before tasting the nutty flavor of the pistachio with his tongue. A rush of old memories came as he began to chew, memories of his mother and those once a week visits to this café. He closed his eyes as he relived those fond memories and when he opened them, he saw Tsukishima chewing a bite of macaron as well, looking as if he was enjoying it as much as he did.

“Good, right?” Tetsurou grinned.

“Definitely,” Tsukishima nodded before taking another bite.

“So tell me,” Tetsurou said, taking another bite of the macaron in his hand. “What comes first for you, the music or misery?”

“What is it with you and these vague questions?” Tsukishima frowned.

“What comes first for you?” Tetsurou repeated, much slower and quieter now. “Do you listen to the music and then feel misery afterwards because of it? Or do you feel the misery first and then listen to the music after to erase it?”

Tsukishima’s gaze dropped downwards as he scratched at the surface of the table with the nail of his index finger. Finally, he spoke. “I knew you’d ask me something like that sooner or later.”

“That’s not the reason why I asked out though,” Tetsurou clarified. “I wouldn’t ask you out on a date just to interrogate you over something like this. You… you don’t really have to answer the question either.”

“No, it’s alright,” Tsukishima shook his head. “I know you wouldn’t do something like that.” He leaned back in his seat and looked at Tetsurou. “It’s really not all that special actually. My dad’s a drunkard and my mom’s still making us stay with him. Except now he’s… changed I think. I’m still not that sure but he’s been drinking for probably four years already.”

“It’s not just that though, right?” Tetsurou ventured. “I mean, that’s not the only thing that’s been eating at you, isn’t it?”

“What makes you say that?” Kei asked, cocking his head slightly.

“It’s because you have that abandoned that look on you,” Tetsurou explained. “I can’t really explain it but I just know. Probably because my dad also abandoned me…” He felt his fists clench underneath the table as the memory came up in his head. “Even when my mom and I needed him most, he still didn’t come back.”

“Well, you’re right actually,” Tsukishima nodded, a bitter smile spreading across his face. “It was my older brother who abandoned us. He never told me or my mother about his plan to leave. One day, his friend came over on his car and he just announced his plan to leave. He even had all his things packed and everything without us knowing. And… he promised he would call us. He _promised_ …”

“I’m sorry, Tsukishima…” Tetsurou said softly. It was the only thing he could think of to say. He never understood why people in movies and books always managed to say the right thing at the right time and place. It was hardly realistic, and Tetsurou knew that based on experience. ‘When someone is breaking down right in front of you, it’s impossible to actually say the right thing,’ he thought, remembering all those times when he had to stand helplessly to the side as his mother suffered.

“But I guess now I can kind of understand why he made that decision. I can’t completely blame him for it,” Tsukishima shrugged. “I just wish he told me.”

“That’s understandable,” Tetsurou nodded.

“Sometimes, I wonder if I could be strong enough to do the same thing he did,” Tsukishima continued. He looked at Tetsurou and an expression of puzzlement showed itself on his face. “You know, it’s strange…” he said.

“What is?” Tetsurou asked.

“I’ve only known you for a month but I told you about all that. I’ve never really talked about this with anyone except for my best friend, and I’ve known him for years.”

And suddenly, after hearing those words, Tetsurou was suddenly hit with a realization. He watched as Tsukishima pick at a piece of string on his sweater sleeve with a puzzled frown on his face. Tetsurou could easily tell that Tsukishima was the kind of person who had walls built around them to hide everything else inside. But now, he could see that those walls were slowly starting to come down, as if Tsukishima was creating a hole large enough for Tetsurou to see through. More than anything, he wanted to break down all those walls around him, but that wasn’t the right choice. Instead, he chose to reach a hand through that hole towards him. A hand for him to hold so that Tsukishima would know that he was someone to be trusted.

“Are you supposed to be home anytime soon?” Tetsurou asked.

“It’s only seven-thirty. I still have some time,” Tsukishima answered after looking at the wall clock in the café.

“Alright, I’ll take you to one last place then,” Tetsurou grinned and stood up after placing a few bills on the table. Tsukishima fumbled with his wallet and added some money to the pile as well before standing up.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s actually not exactly a place,” Tetsurou clarified. “But you’ll see what I mean.”

…

“We’re going to what?!” Kei asked, looking at Kuroo with wide, disbelieving eyes.

“I’m going to drive through this tunnel really fast,” he repeated, grinning wildly at him. On the road ahead of them Kei could spot a tunnel and he knew exactly that Kuroo wasn’t joking.

“Okay, first of all, this car probably won’t be able to handle that kind of speed,” Kei said, trying to reason with the wild-eyed boy beside him. “No offense, but you know it just as much as I do. And second of all, I’m not going to scream my lungs out while you drive.”

“Come on,” Kuroo groaned and shoved Kei’s shoulder playfully with one hand. “Think of it as therapy. Release all your frustrations in one go! Then you’ll feel much better. Trust me, I’ve done this before.”

“I’m still not doing this,” Kei vehemently refused. “It’s not safe and screaming isn’t going to make me feel any better.” In response, Kuroo pressed his foot against the gas pedal and the pick-up truck lurched forward.

“Shit!” Kei cursed and reached up to grip the sidebar on top of the window before realizing that the car didn’t actually have one. “Kuroo! Slow down this car doesn’t even have a fucking seatbelt!”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of this really good song,” Kuroo yelled and turned up the volume of the car’s stereo as they drove closer to the tunnel. “Come on Kei! You have perfect background music too!” Kei recognized Adam Levine’s familiar voice as a Maroon Five song played.

_I’ve been the needle and the thread_

_Weaving figure-eights and circles ‘round your head_

“Kuroo, this isn’t even funny! Slow down!” Kei cried in response as his hands held onto the edges of his seat, the only thing he could actually grip in the car.

“Can’t hear you! Maybe if you scream I will!”

_I’m lifting you up_

_I’m letting you down_

“Fucking hell Kuroo!”

“I’ll slow down if you scream!”

_I’m falling in love_

_I’m fooling around_

The car didn’t slow down at all. Kei kept his grip on his seat tight until he felt something warm on his hand. He looked down and found Kuroo’s hand resting on top of it. The touch gave him a strange sense of comfort and suddenly, Kei wasn’t even worried about the fact that Kuroo only had one hand on the steering wheel and that he wasn’t even wearing a seatbelt and that the old pick-up truck was probably going to break down and that more than a million deaths that occur per year are caused by car accidents.

_I’m not giving up_

_I’m needing your love_

The wind coming in from the open window blew against his face and hair. The tunnel looked as if it could go on forever. The lights inside made the whole scene look ethereal and out of this world. And suddenly, Kei didn’t feel so afraid anymore. Something loosened inside his chest thumped against his throat, as if wanting to get out.

_This city’s made us crazy_

_And we must get out_

Kei opened his mouth and screamed.

…

Tsukishima opened his mouth and screamed.

His scream felt real and alive and powerful and desperate and anguished all at the same time. He screamed all throughout the ride inside the tunnel and stopped once they were outside. Tetsurou slowed the car down as Tsukishima panted beside him, trying to catch his breath. A silence that was just as quiet as Tsukishima’s scream was loud fell upon them as Tetsurou cruised down the streets at a slower pace. Finally, he spoke up.

“We didn’t die,” he said, looking at him.

And Tsukishima laughed.

…

“I’ll just drop you of here, is that okay?” Tetsurou asked as he parked in front of a house a few blocks away from Tsukishima’s.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Thanks for the ride back home. And the café dinner, and the tunnel…”

“No problem,” Tetsurou smiled at him. “You know… we could do this again sometime also, if you want…” Surprise registered itself on Tsukishima’s face before he nodded and smiled a bit.

“Sure.”

“Oh, and don’t forget your mixtape,” Tetsurou remembered, getting the CD out of the car stereo and placing it back in its case before handing it back to Tsukishima.

“Sorry, I almost forgot,” he apologized as he got the CD back. Tetsurou watched as Tsukishima held the mixtape in his hands, staring down at it and running his fingers delicately over the cover.

“Thank you for this,” he said, his voice sounding a great deal softer and gentler than his usual tone. “Really, thank you.”

“It’s just a mixtape,” Tetsurou shrugged.

“No,” Tsukishima shook his head and looked up at him with a smile on his face, small but genuine. “It’s more than that.”

It could have been what Tsukishima Kei had just said. It could have been the way Tetsurou heard him scream earlier. It could have been because of his amazing, wonderful laugh that he would have loved to replay as much as he would his favorite song. It could have been because ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’ was still stuck in his head. It could have been because the feeling of Tsukishima’s hands lingered on his own hands. It could have been the way the light from the streetlamp cast its glow on Tsukishima’s profile, illuminating his hair and creating shadows on his face.

It could have been any of those. But before Tetsurou could fully comprehend what he was planning to do, his lips were already on Tsukishima’s and he was kissing him. The love songs that he heard Koutarou play earlier that day played at the same time in his head. ‘Is this how it feels when you kiss Akaashi?’ he wondered, feeling extremely jealous of his friend.

Then, he pulled away.

Tsukishima was looking at Tetsurou in wide-eyed shock and disbelief. His lower lip trembled, making Tetsurou want to put his lips against his again but he stopped himself, because he knew that he just screwed up big time.

“K-kuroo…” Tsukishima stammered.

“I’m sorry,” Tetsurou quickly apologized, squeezing his eyes shut and backing away from Tsukishima. “I-I’m sorry. I… I didn’t…”

“I’m going home.” Tsukishima opened the door and stepped out of the car. Tetsurou opened his mouth to protest when Tsukishima shut the door and walked away before he could say anything.

“What have I done?” Tetsurou whispered as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the edge of the steering wheel. Everything had been going so well. He had just been able to reach out to Tsukishima but now, he just gave him another reason to keep his walls raised.

“What have I done?”

 

**|Two Years Later|**

Sometimes, when the loneliness felt like too much and the longing for Tetsurou became too unbearable, Kei played one of the mixtapes he made him. This wasn’t new to him. He always used music to try and fill up the holes in his life caused by the people who left him behind, and the people who he had to leave behind.

He had a list of them in his head.

His father.

Yachi.

Hinata.

Kageyama.

Akaashi.

Bokuto.

Yamaguchi.

Tetsurou.

_Tetsurou._

“Tetsurou…” Kei whispered in the dark, clinging on to the useless, fanatical hope that it would somehow conjure him up right in front of him.

_I wanna hold your hand_

_I wanna hold your hand_

The music streamed out of his headphones, the emotion of the song a stark contrast from what he was actually feeling. Kei mouthed the words as he stared at his own hand laying against the pillow. He used to remember exactly how Tetsurou’s hand in his felt. But now, he could barely conjure up the memory, as if his mind was forcing him to forget and let go. Soon, Tetsurou’s name was just going to be a name in the far back of his head, not a name that he whispered every night before falling asleep.

_I wanna hold your hand_

_I wanna hold your hand_

Kei reached down and pressed the ‘Stop’ button on his CD player. The silence that came after felt strange and foreign but he welcomed it with open arms.

Because there were just some things that even music couldn’t heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand' is by the Beatles (obviously) and 'Must Get Out' is by Maroon 5 (one of my faves). I just combined these two songs since they fit so well in this chapter.


	8. Neptune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm only honest when it rains.  
> If I time it right, the thunder breaks  
> When I open my mouth.  
> I want to tell you but I don't know how.
> 
> I'm only honest when it rains,  
> An open book with a torn out page,  
> And my ink's run out.  
> I want to love you but I don't know how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew eighth chapter now we're getting somewhere guys haha. I'm just hoping this fic doesn't end up too long (because I have another fanfic idea in mind!!)

**|Three Years Ago|**

“Tetsu, time for dinner,” his mother called, gently knocking on the door to his room.

“Just a minute Mom,” Tetsurou replied. He dipped his paintbrush lightly in the black paint and added a few small streaks on the canvas to resemble a skeletal tree in the background. He heard the door click open and the sound of his mother’s footsteps as she padded into the room. Tetsurou didn’t bother to look up as he put his paintbrush and palette to the side. He was already used to his mother coming into his room without permission.

“My, that looks really good,” he heard her say as she placed a hand on his shoulder. Tetsurou rotated his stiff, right shoulder to relax it.

“You think?” he asked. “Well the shading to the left side where the mountains are looks really weird though. I can’t seem to get it right,” Tetsurou sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “And the sky is supposed to look foggier so I should probably paint over the area again to get it right and—“

“Alright, alright. Such a harsh self-critic,” his mother chuckled and cuffed him lightly behind his head. “Well, _I_ think it looks really good. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your mother.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have fifty years of art experience either,” Tetsurou pointed out.

“Whatever Tetsurou,” his mother rolled her eyes. “Just… don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? The most important part is to express yourself and do your best.”

‘But just doing that isn’t going to get me a scholarship,’ Tetsurou thought but dared not say out loud. He looked back at his painting and saw a million more things he knew he could correct. The wall near his easel had a calendar tacked onto it with red ‘X’s’ marking the days that had gone by. ‘Only two more months,’ Tetsurou thought. He had started his painting full of energy and ambition that he was going to create something good, something worthy enough to earn him a scholarship when he submits it as part of his portfolio. After a few months of frustrated painting, he began to second-guess himself. Tetsurou knew that it was common among artists, but he didn’t think it would be this bad. His mother had an inkling of understanding of what he was going through, but he didn’t want to show her himself at his worst.

“Thanks Mom,” Tetsurou smiled, grateful at least for her encouragement.

“But you can’t stay caged in your room forever, you demented artist,” his mother laughed and began to tug him to his feet. “Too much painting is going to ruin your brain and make all your hair fall out.”

“Great, if it does I’ll get a wig or something,” Tetsurou joked and stood up.

“A pink wig.”

“A pink wig,” he nodded. His mother laughed and suddenly began to cough. Tetsurou sprung to action, patting her between the shoulder blades as she doubled over, coughing louder and longer. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she stood back up and took in a few deep breaths.

“Phew, that was a lot of coughing,” his mother laughed lightly, trying to brush off what just happened. Tetsurou frowned. The coughing had been around for too long to be just a regular cough.

“It’s not getting any better, isn’t it?” he said. “In fact, it’s just getting worse.”

“I’ll be fine. Maybe it’s just me getting old and decrepit,” his mother shrugged and made her way to the kitchen. Tetsurou followed behind with his hands tucked in his pockets.

“Maybe we should go to the hospital,” he suggested for probably the hundredth time, undaunted by the fact that she was going to deny it yet again. No matter how many times she tried to brush off the issue, Tetsurou wouldn’t stop bringing up the suggestion of having her go to the hospital. His mother hid her health condition just as much as Tetsurou hid his anxieties over his painting. ‘Lying to hide something,’ he thought. ‘It definitely runs in the family.’

“We already talked about this, Tetsurou,” his mother said. “My friend at work told me that—“

“Did your ‘friend at work’ go to medical school?” he interrupted, raising an eyebrow at her.

“You don’t need to go to medical school to diagnose something like this,” his mother said stubbornly. ‘Stubbornness, also runs in the family,’ Tetsurou added.

“Can’t you just go to the doctor again?” he asked exasperatedly. “He didn’t say anything was wrong but gave us a receipt for expensive medicine that doesn’t even work.”

“Fine, I’ll go to another doctor,” his mother finally gave in and the two of them sat down at the table.

“Just don’t push yourself too hard,” Tetsurou muttered as he picked up his chopsticks. “You can always take a day-off from work if you need to.”

“I know,” his mother smiled. “Thanks for being worried about me, but I can still take care of myself you know?

‘You push yourself too much,’ Tetsurou thought as he began to eat his rice. ‘Anyway, the doctor’s going to find out what’s actually wrong with her and she’ll get better medication and get better,’ he mentally reassured himself. ‘She won’t need to go to the hospital.’

Tetsurou ate his dinner silently, as his pile of anxieties grew and grew.

 

**|Now|**

“Tsukki? Hey Tsukki?!”

Kei blinked twice and shook his head, returning to his senses. Yamaguchi was standing over him and had been snapping his fingers in his face to get him to pay attention.

“Sorry, what did you say again?” Kei asked, looking up at his friend.

“I asked if you were done filling out your career sheet,” Yamaguchi said, sitting down on the chair at the desk in front of him. “It seems you haven’t answered anything though,” he pointed at the empty sheet of paper in front of him.

“Oh, right,” Kei nodded and pulled the paper close to him. But instead of answering it, he ended up reading and re-reading the words printed out on it and staring at the blank spaces he was supposed to fill out.

“Hey, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi spoke up. “Are you alright? You seem to have been pretty out of it these days.”

“Don’t know,” Kei lied and tapped his pencil against his desk, feigning indifference. His friend was right, he has been pretty out of it for the past few days. Ever since he had his date with Kuroo last Saturday. Ever since Kuroo kissed him in the front seat of his old, red pick-up truck. Kei still remembered every single detail from that night, most particularly the feeling of Kuroo’s lips on his. He remembered how warm and soft they felt against his. It felt as if all of his nerve endings were concentrated on feeling that warmth and softness so that he wouldn’t feel anything. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, Kei couldn’t tell if that number of seconds was too short or too fast.

“Has something happened?” Yamaguchi asked again, his voice edged with concern. Kei looked up at him and saw that concern reflected on his face as well. Yamaguchi knew him well enough to tell that something was bothering Kei just by looking at him. ‘Well he is my best friend after all,’ he thought.

“Something… something has…” Kei spoke up, speaking slowly and hesitantly. “I just… don’t know if I want to talk about it yet.” He figured that it was probably better to admit that something was bothering him than continue to hide it further. If he did, Yamaguchi would do nothing but hound him for it. His best friend was incredibly stubborn, but sometimes Kei felt grateful for it.

“I see…” Yamaguchi nodded, understanding. “Well, do you know what colleges you’re going to put in yet?” he asked, changing the topic of conversation.

“I chose some from the city nearby,” Kei answered and began to write down the names on the career sheet. Akaashi talked to him about Fushigi University, the one he and Bokuto went to. It caught Kei’s interest so he decided to write it down as well.

“Also…” he added, the tip of his pencil hovering over the sheet of paper as he mulled over the thought in his head. “I’m thinking about applying to Tokyo as well.”

“Tokyo?!” Yamaguchi exclaimed. “Tokyo University?!”

“I mean, why not?” Kei shrugged, trying to seem indifferent about it even though he was actually quite hesitant about the idea as well. “If I can pass then that would be great. If I don’t, then I don’t.”

“I see…” Yamaguchi nodded. “Well, I it’s no question that you’ll pass. You’re really smart Tsukki! Maybe you could try applying for scholarship too.”

“Yeah,” Kei nodded and added it to the list of colleges on his career sheet as well.

“Oh, can I copy the names of the colleges nearby from you? I don’t really know any ones nearby,” Yamaguchi grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head.

“Sure,” Kei pushed the paper closer towards him. Yamaguchi looked at the names and began writing down things on his career sheet as well. The tip of his tongue poked out between his lips as he wrote. Kei found himself staring at it and most of all, at Yamaguchi’s lips.

Staring at them made him think. ‘Have I ever thought about kissing before?’ he wondered. Maybe he had thought about it a couple of times, mostly how it would feel if he did kiss somebody. But Kei couldn’t recall thinking about kissing anyone in particular. As for what his sexuality might be… well he didn’t think about that too much as well. He may have had some feelings for Yamaguchi at some point, but it never really developed into anything.

‘It’s probably because of everything happening at home,’ Kei thought. He spent too much time thinking about his father and his future and school to even consider other things like kissing and his sexuality. Until now… Until he started working at Vinyl, until he met Kuroo Tetsurou.

“Yamaguchi-san, Tsukishima-san,” Kei heard Yachi call. He looked up and found her standing beside his desk.

“Morning!” Yamaguchi greeted, grinning up at her.

“Morning,” Kei added.

“Are those the career sheets?” she asked, pointing at the sheets of paper on their desk.

“Yeah, we only started working on them now,” Yamaguchi smiled sheepishly at her.

“Well at least you guys are already doing three days before the actual deadline. Kageyama and Hinata haven’t even started yet,” she sighed.

“I doubt they’ll be doing it anytime soon either,” Kei pointed out. “They’re too busy organizing their senior prank.”

“Well, that actually seems to be going pretty well with them,” Yachi said. “To be honest, I’m pretty excited to see how it’s going to turn out.”

“Same here!” Yamaguchi grinned. “It’s nice to have a bit of fun too while we’re in our last few weeks of high school. Soon we’ll be graduating and everything…” he trailed off.

“It sounds really scary,” Yachi said worriedly, clasping her hands together. “I don’t know how everyone else seems to be pretty calm about it. Besides exams there’s also cram school and entrance exams and applications and—“

“It’s no use worrying about those,” Kei cut her off. “You have one of the best grades in our class, you don’t have to be worried too much.”

“He’s right,” Yamaguchi agreed. “It’s alright to be scared at first but you have to be ten times as confident as well. But I don’t think my confidence is really going to get me anywhere though… Oh! By the way,” he glanced at Yachi with a hint of shyness. “What colleges did you put on your application?”

“Ummm…” Yachi edged closer to the desk and peered at Yamaguchi’s college application. Kei could see a slight blush on his friend’s freckled nose and cheek s but chose not to say anything, yet.

“I chose most of the colleges you put in too, since they’re near and everything,” Yachi said. “But I also added in Sofia University. I know it’s far but it’s something I really want to get into.”

“Sofia University,” Yamaguchi said aloud as he wrote the name on his career sheet. “I’ll check it out too.”

“Great!” Yachi grinned. “It would be really cool if we could still attend the same university, right. Don’t forget to hand it in to the teacher too,” she added.

“Will do,” Yamaguchi waved as she left. Once she was out of earshot, Kei posed his question.

“When are you going to ask her out?”

“What?!” Yamaguchi squeaked. “Wh-what makes you say that I’m planning to ask her out…” he stammered.

“Four years, Yamaguchi,” Kei reminded him. “Of course I’d find out.”

“Alright, I admit it,” Yamaguchi gave in. “But to be honest… I didn’t think you’d actually find out about it until I told you.”

“What makes you say that?” Kei asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, I never really thought of you as the type who would know a lot about relationships.”

“That’s… pretty understandable,” Kei nodded. He didn’t see himself as the type who would know a lot about relationships either. But that was probably before he met Bokuto and Akaashi. “So, when are you going to ask her out?”

“I want to do it before we graduate but I don’t know how to ask her out. We’ve been friends for years so it’s just going to be plain awkward between us. She might not even see me that way,” Yamaguchi sighed. Kei watched him as he contemplated what to say. After the advice he gave to Bokuto, he began to be a little more confident on the advice he gave his friends. But in the end, he didn’t need to since Yamaguchi shot him another question.

“Do you like someone, Tsukki?”

“Me?” Kei looked at him, slightly startled and caught unawares by the sudden question.

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi nodded and peered up at him curiously. “Do you like someone?”

Kei’s thoughts immediately went to Kuroo. He didn’t doubt that he had some feelings for him, after all, he was the one who kissed Kei in the first place. But judging from what he said after, he may not have fully meant what he was doing and simply acted on impulse. After it happened, Kei’s mind was in too much of a mess to be able to fully comprehend what was happening. So he did the first thing he could think of doing: to run away.

Kuroo had avoided him when Kei came into work yesterday. It upset him quite a lot, but in the end, he couldn’t exactly blame him for behaving that way. Leaving him behind without a chance to explain was probably the wrong move and Kei knew that he had to fix it, especially after everything that Kuroo did for him. Taking him out on a date, making him a mixtape, and driving him through that tunnel. Those were definitely not normal friend behaviors, they were more than that. Kei was certain that he understood Kuroo’s feelings for him.

He just wasn’t sure of his own feelings for Kuroo.

…

Tetsurou heaved another box up onto the shelf above him and tried not to sneeze when some dust fell around him. “One down, four more to go,” he sighed as he walked out of the storage room. He was doing some reorganization in the shop, packing away records and CDs that have been on the shelves for too long. He did this about twice a year and kept the records and CDs packed away in the storage area of the shop. A few of them would be purchased by a customer looking for rarer, hard-to-find vintage records. Most of the time, Tetsurou just sold them to other shops selling vintage records. But sometimes, when he found something interesting, he would take a few records or albums home for himself.

The third box was the heaviest one since it mostly contained vinyl records. Tetsurou chose to push it into the storage room before lifting it up to one of the shelves. His arms shook under the weight of the box as he lifted it and Tetsurou silently cursed himself for not maintaining an exercise routine to keep his arm strength. He should have waited for Koutarou to help him. Or Keiji. Or…

Tsukishima Kei.

Tetsurou’s sullen mood returned once the name rang in his head. After Tsukishima left him that night, he stayed in his car for about an hour, contemplating what he just did and wishing that he could just take it all back. He had thought about kissing Tsukishima in the past but he knew that it was a line he just couldn’t cross. Bold and daring moves weren’t the way to approach him and Tetsurou knew that full well. But still… pure impulse had driven him to do it that night.

Now, the consequences of his actions were made evident. Tsukishima ignored him yesterday so Tetsurou decided to stay away as well. If he decided to still remain friends with him but not keeping as close a friendship as they had before, that would already be more than enough for Tetsurou. Worst case scenario was that Tsukishima would stop talking to him at all.

Before leaving to fetch the fourth box, Tetsurou decided to stretch his arms and back for a while inside the storage room. “I really need to start working out,” he sighed, making a mental note to tell Koutarou later. While bending down to touch his toes, his elbow accidentally brushed past a piece of cloth hung over something and it fell to the ground. Tetsurou crouched down to pick it up and put it back into place when he looked up and saw just what was behind the piece of cloth.

It was a painting, a black and white landscape on canvas that looked all too familiar to Tetsurou. He had almost forgotten that it was here, that his uncle locked in the storage room along with other things that he wished to forget about. Tetsurou gripped the piece of cloth in his hands tightly as his eyes roamed the painting, the memories flashing back in his head. But even without looking at it, he could still clearly visualize the image in his head.

The cloudy, gray sky.

The hill and the forest in the background.

The harbor, crowded with ships.

The rippled surface of the lake.

The three long tears that ripped through the canvas, made by a sharp knife.

 

**|Three Years Ago|**

“Is it really that bad?” Tetsurou asked, his voice sounding shaky and even as he leaned forward to listen to the doctor.

“Unfortunately, it has gotten to that point,” he sighed wearily, rubbing one of the lens of his glasses clean before pushing them back up his nose. “If it had been diagnosed earlier we may have given you some medicine to prevent while it was still in its beginning stages. But now that it has gotten worse, you’re going to need some stronger medicine which might prove helpful.” The doctor looked at Tetsurou’s mother and stressed the word ‘might.’

“Will I need to go to the hospital?” his mother asked, her hand gripping Tetsurou’s tightly. “Because I don’t think we’ll be able to afford it…”

“If the medicines show some improvements, come back here and we can verify if your condition has stabilized,” the doctor replied. “If it doesn’t… then I guess you will have to go to a hospital Miss Kuroo.”

“I see…” his mother nodded and fell silent.

“May I have the prescription for the medicines then?” Tetsurou asked. The doctor scribbled something on his pad of paper before handing it to him. Tetsurou couldn’t read the messy handwriting but he knew full well that the medicines must be pretty expensive.

“Thank you doctor,” his mother stood up and bowed. Tetsurou followed suit as well, keeping silent as he held the sheet of paper in his fist.

“I hope you do get better, Miss Kuroo. Your son takes care of you very well,” the doctor smiled. ‘If only that would actually help make a difference,’ Tetsurou thought bitterly as the two of them left the office. His mother squeezed his hand. It was a weak kind of squeeze.

Tetsurou could already feel her strength fading away.

 

**|Now|**

Kei gripped the strap of his bag tightly as he walked to work. For the first time ever, he was actually dreading having to go to work. Kuroo was going to be there and he would only see him for a few minutes before he left for his shift at Bento. The question was what he should do with those few minutes. Should he ignore him or…

‘No,’ Kei reminded himself. He shouldn’t even consider that option. Those few minutes were going to be used by him to actually speak with Kuroo. To make up for the mistake he did. And maybe even to hear out what he was planning to say before Kei left him.

‘But what do _you_ feel?’ His mind drew up the question he had been throwing around all day. The question of what he actually felt for Kuroo Tetsurou. Like what he always did, Kei was looking for another sign to point him in the right direction. There were small ones that he noticed, like the way he sometimes caught Kuroo staring at him and how he smiled when they were together. There were the mixtapes he made for him, filled with different love songs and covers in bright colors. There were moments when it felt as if only the two of them existed in the world.

But the biggest sign for him was the Bookends record that Kuroo gave him. Kei wondered how he was able to draw out that part of him when they’ve only known each other for slightly more than a month. It was the sign that Kei turned over most in his head.

Kuroo was the first thing he looked for when he entered the shop. Sure enough, he was there behind the counter going through a box of records. Kei stopped in front of the door and watched him, half-hoping that Kuroo would look up him grinning and holding up a record, asking him to guess the genre again. But he didn’t do any of those. Instead, Kuroo looked back down right after he looked up and put down the record he had been looking at.

“Hey, you’re early again,” he said.

“Yeah,” Kei nodded and made his way to the counter.

“Well, I’m going to head off to work now,” Kuroo said, standing up and slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “That box is supposed to go in the storage room by the way. I’ve finished double-checking it and everything.”

“Alright,” Kei nodded, pressing his lips together as he watched Kuroo walk towards the door. ‘Say something! Say something!’ he mentally screamed.

“Kuroo,” he called out in a louder voice. Kuroo turned around and looked at him. Kei couldn’t tell what he was thinking with the look he had on his face.

“I… I…” he stammered, trying to grasp the words he wanted to say. He should apologize, that came first. But then what was next? Did he say what he was feeling? But what did he even feel about it?

“B-be careful around glass, okay…” Kei finally murmured, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down. He cursed saying those words as soon as they came out. Kuroo looked surprised at what he said before he broke out into a smile.

“Sure, thanks Tsukishima,” he said before leaving. Kei hung his head and let out a long groan of frustration. He would have to wait until Friday before he could talk to Kuroo. But would he even have an idea of what he was going to say by then? The more he delayed his apology, the more fractured his relationship with him became.

‘Why can I never find the right things to say?’ Kei thought sullenly as he lifted the box off the counter. Saying the proper things at the right time was something that he was never good at. He thought too much about what to say and doubted himself as to whether it was the right thing. In the end, those words never made it out of his mouth, and Kei was left feeling useless.

He placed the box on the ground and pushed it to the storage room because it was way too heavy for him to lift all the way. ‘He should have waited until Bokuto came to do this,’ Kei thought, grunting as he lifted the box up to place on one of the shelves. Some dust floated in the air and Kei sneezed, making his glasses fall off his face.

“This day just seems to keep getting better,” he sighed, getting down on his knees to search for his glasses. Once he found them, he rubbed the lens clean on his shirt before putting them back on. He blinked slowly, adjusting to his vision and saw something draped in a piece of cloth over him. It looked like a painting. Curious, Kei gently took down the cloth to reveal the rest of the painting.

The first thing that struck him was the color scheme. The entire painting of a landscape scene was done in black, gray, and white. The only thing there that was in a different color was the sun which was painted a bright, red-orange. The lines and details looked thin and delicate, as if the painter spent hours making them with only a thin brush on hand. It was a beautiful painting. Kei would have wanted to bring it home and hang it in his room if it were not for the three tears that slashed through the canvas.

Three long, ugly scars that cut through the beautiful scene.

Kei ran his fingers lightly over one of them. He had a million questions in his head that pertained to the mysterious painting he found in the storage room. Immediately, his thoughts went back to the drawing that Kuroo made before when he was trying to draw the shop for his art class. He remembered how fine the lines were in Kuroo’s drawing, and how much they resembled the lines in the painting.

And then, another piece of the puzzle fell into place.

 

**|Three Years Ago|**

Tetsurou sat in front of his painting, twirling a paintbrush in his hand. Whenever he was stressed out he always painted to calm himself down, to release everything he was feeling inside. The black, gray, and white colors of his piece perfectly matched what he was feeling inside. But he just didn’t feel like he had it in him to actually paint something.

Earlier that day, his mother was finally admitted in the hospital after collapsing during her shift at work. Tetsurou only found out through a phone call from the teachers’ room. Without even stopping to gather his things, he rushed to the hospital to see her.

When he closed his eyes to visualize the painting he wanted to create, all he could see was the sight of his mother in the hospital bed with tubes on her nose to help her breathe and more stuck in her arms. His stomach churned and his mouth trembled. He didn’t want to have another thing to worry about besides his college application. Now he had to take care of finding a job, paying for their expenses, and taking care of his mother.

Right now, the only thing he could think of was how much his father was to blame for all of it.

 

**|Now|**

Kei left the shop as soon as Bokuto arrived for his shift. On his way home he bumped into a couple of people on the sidewalk because he was too distracted thinking about the painting that he found. Besides the small details on the painting that resembled the ones on the drawing Kuroo made, Kei had no other proof that it was really him who made it. Despite that, he was still fully convinced that Kuroo was the one who made it. And the slashes…

‘Could someone else have done that?’ he wondered. The tears through the painting were the only things that didn’t fit. But now, Kei was more determined than ever to find out. And that meant having to talk to Kuroo as well.

Kei was so used to seeing the front lawn and porch of his house bedraggled and dirty that it surprised him almost every time to see it clean nowadays. When he wasn’t looking for more job interviews, his father kept himself busy by cleaning up the house and the lawn. Now, there weren’t any beer bottles and cans piled outside the garbage can. There was actual grass growing on their lawn. And the front porch and windows were newly scrubbed clean. Sometimes, Kei wondered if he stumbled upon the wrong house.

“I’m home,” Kei said once he got inside.

“Welcome home!” he heard his mother call from the kitchen, her voice sounding cheery and light. That was another thing Kei wasn’t used to.

“What’s going on?” he asked once he walked into the kitchen to find his father and mother busy bustling around in the kitchen.

“Go on, tell him dear,” his mother smiled, gently nudging his father’s shoulder.

“Tell me what?”

“Well,” his father rubbed the back of his head and smiled sheepishly. “It seems that your old man was finally able to find a job.”

“A… job?” Kei echoed, his eyes widening in surprise.

“A job!” his mother said happily. “So we’re going to celebrate tonight. How does sukiyaki sound to you, dear?”

“I think I’ll pass,” Kei muttered and shook his head. The joyful look on his mother’s face fell.

“Is it because you’re busy?” she asked. “Can’t you spare a few minutes with us at least? Your father went through all this trouble to go shopping and—“

“So what’s your job then?” Kei interrupted, looking directly at his father.

“It’s not really that big,” his father confessed. “I just got this desk job at a company nearby. The boss literally just hired me on the spot, I never expected—“

“So if it was that easy, shouldn’t you have done it years ago?” Kei snapped. His father’s face crumpled and his eyes looked down in shame. Part of Kei felt sorry for him, but he had kept his thoughts silent for too many years.

“Kei!” his mother scolded him. “Your father was going through some troubled times. And now can’t you see that he’s trying to make up for all of it?”

“’Some troubled times?’” Kei repeated, his voice increasing in volume with sarcasm dripping from every word. “Heavy drinking for four years. Wow, that really does seem like ‘some troubled times.’”

“Kei!”

“I guess you still haven’t really forgiven me for all of that,” his father said, looking at him sadly. “Is there no way that I can make up for it?” Kei clenched his fists and looked him in the eye. The memories of the past four years came back to him. The drunken yelling he tried to drown out with music on his headphones. The smell of beer, and occasionally vomit, wafting from the bathroom that made Kei want to throw up. The fear he felt whenever the beer ran out that led to him hiding in his brother’s room. And then when Akiteru left…

“No,” Kei said. His voice was only slightly louder than a whisper but it echoed loudly throughout the kitchen. The harshness of his tone sounded strange in his ears.

“So what then?” his mother asked. The look on her face was one of pure venom when her eyes landed on Kei. “You’re graduating from high school soon, aren’t you? After that you’re going to get into some college and leave us all behind. Just like that fucking Akiteru did.”

That struck a nerve.

“Don’t call him that!” Kei yelled angrily. “Don’t you dare say that about Akiteru!”

“Why? Because he’s your older brother? Because you idolized him so much as a child?” she snapped at him. “Haven’t you understood it already? Akiteru _left_ us. He left me, he left your father, he left you. He’s already off in some university with all these new people and his new life and he doesn’t give a shit about us. Why do you think he hasn’t called? Why do you think he hasn’t visited us at least once?”

“That’s… that’s not true…” Kei swallowed and shook his head. “That’s not true…”

“It is Kei,” his mother said in a calmer voice. “You know it is.” Kei slammed his fist against the wall and turned around, running out of the house.

Running to god knows where.

 

**|Three Years Ago|**

“Dad… please pick up…”

No answer. Only the voice of the operator saying ‘Please leave a message.’

At least his father was still using the same number.

“Dad?”

“Dad it’s me, Tetsurou.”

_‘The child you left behind years ago. He still calls you Dad. Does that make you happy?’_

“Dad, it’s Mom. She… she has pneumonia. It’s really bad now. She’s in the hospital and everything.”

_‘Is that reason enough for you to come back home?’_

“We… we need your help now. With Mom’s hospital bills especially. I… I can’t manage it on my own.”

_‘So you better get your sorry ass here and help us. You’re my dad, you’re supposed to help me.’_

“Please come home. Please.”

_“Please…”_

**|Now|**

Kei blinked at the bright lights that shone on his face. The words ‘24/7 Convenience Store’ glowed with green and blue light. ‘How… How did I get here?’ he wondered as he stood panting in front of the shop. He was running away from the house just a few minutes ago with no concrete destination in mind yet somehow he found himself stopping here. When Kei looked inside the shop he suddenly understood why.

Kuroo stood in the central aisle, looking up just as Kei looked in so their confused gazes met at the exact same. He was wearing black jeans and the AC/DC t-shirt that he lent him before to use as an ice pack. In one hand he carried a white plastic bag and the earphones dangling from his ears were connected to the CD player attached to his hip. When he saw Kei, he hurried out in a matter of seconds.

“Tsukishima, is something wrong?” Kuroo asked, his voice filled with concerned as his eyes scanned him. The look on his face was so full of worry, it made Kei’s chest hurt. Ever since he was young, Kei felt a sense of security and protection whenever he was with his older brother. Akiteru was the one he always ran to whenever he needed help. Not his mother. Not his father. Not anyone else.

But he felt as if that was about to change.

Kei took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Kuroo, just like what he did when he was with Akiteru. When Kei was younger his head would only reach up to his older brother’s chest as he wrapped his arms around his waist. He was a few centimeters taller than Kuroo though, so his face was pressed against his hair while his arms were wrapped around his lower back.

“Tsu-tsukishima!” Kuroo yelped, no doubt surprise by Kei’s sudden action. He didn’t blame him though. He was pretty surprised himself.

“I’m sorry…” Kei murmured although he made no move to pull away. “I just… I don’t even know how I got here… I just needed to leave…” He knew just how vague his explanation was but at the moment, he didn’t even know where he should start.

“It’s okay…” Kuroo said gently. His body was more relaxed now and his arms wrapped themselves around his waist. “Jesus Christ Kei, you’re trembling.”

He only noticed that now. Kei laughed bitterly. “I guess I am trembling.”

“What happened?” Kuroo asked, pulling apart from the embrace to look Kei in the eye. The expression on his face darkened. “Did your father hit you again?”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” Kei shook his head. Then, he hesitated a little before saying, “Can I… talk to you about it? If you’re not that busy…”

“You caught me at the right time,” Kuroo grinned. “I just got off my shift.” He walked towards the red pick-up truck which was parked just by the sidewalk and opened the door.

“Let’s get out of here, Tsukishima Kei,” he said, holding his hand out to him. Kei took it and got into the car. Kuroo turned on the engine and drove, with Kei leaning his head back against the seat and wishing he could just drive on forever.

…

As he drove down the narrow, dark streets in their town, Tetsurou listened attentively to everything Tsukishima had to say. He talked about his family and the way they used to be five years ago. He talked about how his father lost his job and the drinking problem that soon became everyone’s problem. He talked about his older brother, Tsukishima Akiteru, and how much he looked up to him and how destroyed he felt when he left. He talked about how much he hated himself for not being able to do anything about his situation. He talked about what he felt about his father trying to turn over a new leaf.

Tsukishima talked until Tetsurou parked the car by the lake, the place where he and his mother always went to just to unwind. The two of them sat in the back of the pick-up truck, their shoulders and arms pressed against each other as Tsukishima kept on talking.

Tetsurou listened to everything, not wanting to miss a single detail of his story. Slowly, he could feel the walls that Tsukishima Kei built around himself to keep and guard his secrets start to come down. And the more Tetsurou saw, the more he fell in love with this fractured, broken, beautiful, Tsukishima Kei.

And when Tsukishima finished, he slid his hand into his and said “It’s your turn now.” Tetsurou gripped his hand and began to tell his story as well, hoping that Tsukishima would fall in love with him just as he had fallen for him earlier.

 

**|Three Years Ago|**

His painting came back along with a white envelope from Kamii University, the top university he wanted to get into. Tetsurou stood by the kitchen table and opened the envelope to read the letter inside. He always imagined that reading his acceptance letter was going to be a more joyous occasion. He imagined that he’d laugh or cry or hug his mother when he read that he was he accepted. Tetsurou did neither of those things, even when he read that the university was offering him a scholarship. He didn’t laugh because of the empty cavity inside his chest. He didn’t cry because his eyes ached from doing it too much for the past few days. He didn’t hug his mother because she was already gone.

Tetsurou dropped the letter on the table as soon as he was done reading and picked up the other envelope that came along with the mail. As soon as he read the name ‘Kuroo Tomoda’ he tore the letter open. Inside was a stack of paper bills, Tetsurou’s hands shook as he took them out of the envelope. Those were the only things there, no note or anything else. He counted the bills. There was more than enough to pay for almost two batches of his mother’s medicine.

Tetsurou clenched his fists, crumpling the wad of paper bills before throwing them down on the table. The bills fluttered to the ground all around him. “Guess what? It’s too late Dad…” Tetsurou gritted his teeth, his voice trembling as he spoke. In the end, he got everything he needed at the wrong time. His mother was long gone. Everything was long gone. If Fate was a real actual person seeing him right now, he’d be laughing his ass off.

Tetsurou looked at his finished painting which was leaning against a wall in the kitchen. He remembered all those hours he spent working on it, refining it, perfecting it so that it could be enough to impress the people from Kamii University. Now, he realized how much of a waste of time it was.

“I could have worked more,” Tetsurou said aloud to himself. “I could have taken more shifts so that I could earn more money to pay for Mom’s expenses. I could have taken care of her more. I could have brought her to the hospital before it got bad…”

He glared at the painting, hating every single inch of it. All reasonable thought flew out of the window until only anger and hurt remained. Tetsurou got a kitchen knife from one of the drawers and walked slowly towards his painting. And without even thinking twice, he slashed the knife through it once, twice, thrice.

He only realized what he just did after the third slash.

 

**|Now|**

“So you were the one who slashed it then…” Kei murmured, surprised by the discovery.

“Yeah,” Kuroo nodded. “That was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. But I was just so angry that nothing else made sense to me.”

“I’m sorry…” Kei said, squeezing Kuroo’s hand a bit. They’ve been holding hands for quite some time now. He was surprised at how natural it actually felt.

“It’s alright,” Kuroo shook his head. “It happened a long time ago anyway.”

“Not just for that,” Kei said, biting his lip. “I’m sorry for the other night, on Saturday. It wasn’t fair for me to just leave you like that, after everything you did.”

“I should be the one apologizing too,” Kuroo smiled, tugging the left side of his lip up. “It was way too sudden for me to kiss you like that. I completely understand why you reacted that way.”

“I’ve been nagging myself to apologize to you,” Kei said, smiling slightly. “Glad I finally got to do it.”

“I’m glad I got a chance to apologize too,” Kuroo nodded. “So, now that we spilled all our feelings out in a very stereotypical teenage movie manner, what do you want to do?” Kei bit his bottom lip and looked down.

“I… Can you… Is it okay if we…” he stammered, feeling himself blush even before he got the words out. He took a deep breath and looked up at Kuroo.

“Can we kiss… again?”

Kuroo looked at him with a stunned expression on his face. He blinked twice and shook his head. “You want us to kiss?” he repeated.

“Kuroo… I think I like you…” Kei blurted out. “On Saturday I guess I was just not sure about my feelings, but I understand everything now. I like you Kuroo, in a more-than-a-friend kind of way…” Kuroo looked down and smiled.

“A kiss? Like the one I gave you on Saturday?”

“Yeah,” Kei nodded. “I just want to feel something real for once. With everything that’s been going it’s hard to feel certain about anything. Right now I just want something that I can be sure about.”

“Did the kiss on Saturday feel real to you?” Kuroo asked.

“Yeah…” Kei whispered. “It felt so real, it scared me.”

“I’ll try not to scare you so much this time then,” Kuroo chuckled and then soon enough, his lips were on his again, and this time he kissed him back. Kei closed his eyes and suddenly he felt as if he was back in that tunnel again, with Kuroo driving the car at top speed. He could see the lights in the tunnel moving quickly as they drove past. He could hear the Maroon 5 song playing in the background. It wasn’t fear he felt, it was hope. Hope that he would someday drive away from all his problems and leave everything behind. Hope that he was actually going to get somewhere.

When the two of them parted, Kei opened his eyes and found himself staring into Kuroo’s dark ones, their faces only a breath apart. Kei lifted a hand and gently pushed back the dark bangs that hung over his face.

“Did that feel real to you?” Kuroo whispered.

“Yes,” Kei smiled. “More than anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the lyrics pasted in the chapter summary are from the song 'Neptune' by Sleeping At Last. It's such a beautiful song and I think it matches Kei really well.
> 
> Also... (insert shameless advertising here)
> 
> You can follow me on my Tumblr here [here](http://wayward-stranger.tumblr.com/). Just send me a message if you want to scream about kurotsukki or any other Haikyuu!! ships


	9. Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if we ruin it all, and we love like fools?  
> And all we have we lose?  
> I don't want you to go but I want you so  
> So tell me what  
> Tell me what  
> Tell me what we choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Much Father-Son angst ahead

**|Now|**

His father was sitting at the front porch when Kei arrived. Kuroo dropped him off a few blocks down at around ten o’ clock so at least he didn’t have to see that. Kei didn’t know what he would do if his family found out about Kuroo. The two of them had kissed a couple more times before Kei was dropped off. His lips felt radioactive as he walked up to his house.

“Your mother left out food on the dining table for you,” his father spoke up as Kei walked up to the door. “She was pretty apologetic for what happened earlier. Talk to her if you have the time, will you?”

“What about you then?” Kei asked, turning to look at his father. “Shouldn’t you have something to say too?”

His father looked down. “I don’t blame you for anything you’ve said. And I can’t blame Akiteru for anything either, he’s old enough to make his own decisions. I guess your mother just felt bad about him deciding to leave and not come back.”

“I don’t blame him for that either,” Kei shook his head.

“And I won’t blame you if you decide to do the same thing,” his father added. “I know you’re a smart kid Kei and with your brain you can go practically anywhere. I want you to have the kind of chances that I wasn’t able to have.”

“Do you… really mean that?” Kei asked, frowning at him slightly.

“I do,” his father nodded. “Have you… thought about where you want to go for college? I know there’s a career sheet you have to fill out before the end of high school.”

“Yeah,” Kei answered. “I’m thinking of applying to a few of the colleges around here. Also University of Tokyo, if I can get a scholarship.”

“University of Tokyo…” his father breathed out and looked up at Kei. “That’s a very competitive school. But go for it nonetheless. I’ll be here to back you up if you need anything, okay?” he grinned. Kei looked at him wordlessly and suddenly, he remembered Kuroo telling him about his father earlier. The father who left him and his mother to fend for themselves even when Kuroo called to him for help. Kei didn’t know if comparing his father to Kuroo’s made him a better man. But at least he didn’t leave him and his mother behind in the end.

“Dad…” Kei began.

“Sorry, I was just overexcited there for a bit,” his father laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

“No, it’s not that,” Kei shook his head before continuing what he was going to say. “Right now, I still can’t say for certain if you really have changed. It’s hard for me to actually believe that you’re a different person now. But maybe, after some time, I will be able to believe you.”

“So, you might give me a second chance?” his father asked. Kei could hear the sound of hope in his voice.

“I am giving you a second chance,” he said. “And I really am hoping that it goes well from here on, especially for Mom.”

“I guess I’ll have to do my best as a parent then,” his father grinned and stood up. “But… thank you for this chance. I won’t make you regret it, Kei.” Then, before Kei could even react, his father stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. Kei stiffened at the touch and held his hands awkwardly at his sides before moving them up to pat his father on the back. But even though the hug felt awkward and weird, he couldn’t deny that he hated it entirely. Kei felt something inside him soften, maybe this was what he had really missed all this time. His father smelled clean, kind of like the laundry soap that his mother uses, and there wasn’t a trace of beer anywhere.

And underneath all that, there was the barely detectable trace of some kind of smoke.

…

“You seem to feel better today, Kuroo-san,” Keiji commented without looking up from his accounting calculations.

“Hmm? How so?” Tetsurou asked, turning sideways to look at his friend.

“Well, you’ve actually been drawing quite a lot in the past hour,” Keiji said, pointing at the open sketchbook in front of him. “I haven’t seen you draw in quite some time so something must have changed then. Also, you’ve been humming ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’ for quite some time.”

“I… I have?” Tetsurou felt his face flush. That was the song Koutarou had on repeat the day after he and Keiji became official. But then again, he had kissed Tsukishima more than once last night. ‘That makes us official, right?’ he wondered. The taste of his lips still lingered on his as he drove home and Tetsurou was itching to tell Koutarou and Keiji everything that happened before he decided against it. Tsukishima didn’t say anything about mentioning their relationship to anyone so he probably wanted to keep it a secret first. After all, Tsukishima wasn’t really the type to broadcast his relationship status.

“Has anything happened?” Keiji asked, looking directly at him. Tetsurou felt as if his eyes were boring holes through his skull. There was a ninety-nine percent chance that he had an idea as to what happened.

“Nothing,” Tetsurou shook his head, denying the truth anyway. “Just… some new inspiration. That’s why I’m drawing so much.”

“I see,” Keiji nodded, the tone of his voice suggesting that he was not convinced at all. But he went back to his accounting calculations and dropped the subject. Tetsurou knew that it was going to be brought up sooner or later.

‘I’ll just talk to Tsukishima about it later,’ he thought, turning back to his drawing. It was a sketch of the tunnel from the night they drove through it at top speed in Tetsurou’s car. Last night, Tsukishima told him about how he felt that night. The feeling of release and freedom in the tunnel that seemed to stretch out until forever. Tetsurou felt that too, and he heard it echoing through Tsukishima’s scream.

Tetsurou smiled and picked up his pencil before continuing to shade the background. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Tsukishima’s face afterwards when it was done. And before he knew it, he began to hum again.

 

**|Four Years Later|**

Kei had the shoebox open on his bed.

For the past few years, it felt as if his entire life was packed in boxes. Boxes full of clothes. Boxes full of books. Boxes full of records and CDs. Boxes full of old things to be sold in garage sales. Boxes full of new things bought from thrift shops. Boxes from his brother. Boxes from his mother.

This box was just one of the many ones he had. Kei hadn’t opened it in a long time but it was more valuable than any of the other boxes he had. Because the shoebox was filled with things from Tetsurou.

Pebbles they found by the side of the lake.

Empty pistachio macaron boxes.

Old receipts that Tetsurou folded into cranes.

Mixtapes with brightly colored covers.

And dozens and dozens of drawings.

Kei lay them all out on his bed one by one and stared at the items in front of him, expecting them to tell him what he should do next. He took the stack of drawings and began to go through them. One by one, the stories behind each of them came back to him. The sketch Tetsurou made when they were sitting by the lake, skipping pebbles over its surface. The sketch of Bokuto and Akaashi browsing records together on one of the shelves. The sketch of Kei when he was doing his homework in the back of the pick-up truck.

Finally, he got to the bottommost drawing, the one Kei was after. It was the first drawing Tetsurou gave him. The sketch of the tunnel. Kei ran his fingers gently over the shaded areas, feeling the indentations in the paper made by harsher lines. The drawing didn’t completely match the real thing, but it was quite close.

Four years ago, Kei’s life was packed away in boxes until he got into university. Yesterday, he graduated from college. His life was going to be packed back into boxes and taken elsewhere again. Kei knew that life was meant to keep him moving forward, letting go of people was normal. But now, he felt like he had to go back.

Because there was one person he knew he couldn’t let go of.

 

**|Now|**

“Tokyo University, huh?” Kei’s teacher asked, peering up at him over the career sheet that he gave.

“Yeah,” Kei nodded, fidgeting slightly under Mr. Sakamoto’s gaze. He strongly hoped that his teacher would stop asking more questions that he was reluctant to answer.

“You know, you’re the first one who put down this college on your career sheet,” his teacher said, smiling slightly as he put the sheet of paper on his desk. “People here usually go for the safer options that are within the area. Students rarely dare to leave town.”

‘That’s because they don’t have a reason to,’ Kei thought. “I see,” he nodded.

“With your grades you can probably get a scholarship there even,” his teacher added and adjusted the glasses on his face. Then, he leaned forward as if he was sharing a secret. “You know, I can write you a recommendation letter if you want. It’ll help along with getting you that scholarship.”

“Will you?” Kei asked, his eyes widening in surprise. He had never been much of a teacher’s pet but he wasn’t disrespectful in class either. It never occurred to him that a teacher would offer writing a recommendation letter for him.

“Of course,” Mr. Sakamoto nodded and flashed him a grin. “Your chemistry tests are always spot on and you never fail to turn your homework in. I don’t see why I shouldn’t.”

“Thank you very much, sir,” Kei said, really meaning what he said.

“Come for it later after school,” Mr. Sakamoto winked. The bell rang and Kei bowed before heading off to class.

…

After picking up the recommendation letter and a few college application sheets from Mr. Sakamoto’s desk, Kei headed to Vinyl right away. It was a Thursday so he didn’t have a shift there. But Kuroo did, which gave him a reason to go there. Kei had been dying to see him soon after he left. It was a strange feeling, something he wasn’t used too, but it probably came along with the package of being in a relationship.

A relationship.

It all still felt unreal to Kei. He always expected that Kageyama and Hinata, and maybe even Yamaguchi and Yachi, would become couples before he did. He even found it strange that he would get together with someone like Kuroo, who was practically the polar opposite of him in terms of personality. But then again, didn’t people say that ‘Opposites attract.’ Besides, Kei knew that Kuroo’s personality wasn’t the only thing that attracted him. It was everything else. Everything that was tangible and intangible. Everything that Kei knew and had yet to know.

“Hey Tsukki!”

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Yamaguchi’s voice and the sight of his friend popping up beside him. Kei jumped slightly and was suddenly conscious of whether or not he looked as love-struck as his thoughts were.

“Hey,” he said, trying to sound as casual and indifferent as he usually did.

“You seem happy today Tsukki,” his friend grinned as he walked beside him.

“I-I do?” Kei stammered. Had he been smiling to himself again?

“Yeah. I can’t really tell but… you just seem happier and less distracted than you were before,” Yamaguchi explained. “Is it because it’s Vinyl Day?”

“Oh, no not really,” Kei shook his head, knowing that if he told the truth Yamaguchi would probably follow him to the store. He looked at his friend and was quite surprised to find that he was biting his bottom lip, a sign that he wanted to tell Kei something but didn’t know how.

“What happened?” he asked, deciding to take the initiative and ask him.

“I… I asked Yachi out,” Yamaguchi replied, talking in a hushed voice. That surprised Kei. He immediately stopped walking and confronted his friend.

“And, what happened?”

“Well…” Yamaguchi’s eyes drifted to the side. “She panicked, and ran away.”

“That sounds like Yachi alright,” Kei nodded. “But that’s not really a rejection, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but she didn’t accept it either,” Yamaguchi sighed. “Did I scare her?”

“Not really scare, maybe more along the lines of ‘surprised.’ I don’t think she saw it coming though,” Kei shrugged.

“She probably didn’t,” Yamaguchi agreed, shaking his head. “Tsukki… what if she stops talking to me?”

“She won’t stop talking to you. She’s Yachi.”

“What if she stops talking to me like she used to? Like, the normal friend kind of talking. What if it’s just nothing but awkwardness between us?”

“Then, at least you took the risk,” Kei said, knowing that that was all he could say at this point. Yamaguchi said nothing and continued walking beside him. Kei could clearly see how sullen his friend’s mood was.

“You really like her, don’t you?” he said softly.

“I have it bad,” Yamaguchi laughed. “Have you ever liked someone, Tsukki? Y-you don’t really have to answer the question but I’m just curious I guess…”

“I do,” Kei answered after a few beats of silence. For some reason, he felt quite comfortable talking to Yamaguchi about the subject. It suddenly occurred to him that he didn’t need to hide things from his friends all that much, that talking to them actually produced more good consequences than bad. He realized this after spending the entire night talking to Kuroo about his problems. And now that Yamaguchi was sharing this part of him with him, it was probably fair for Kei to share something as well.

“You do?” Yamaguchi asked, his voice echoing with surprise and his eyes as round as saucers. “Is it anyone from his school?”

“No…” Kei shook his head and paused, biting his lip. “Actually… do you know that guy who’s always behind the counter in Vinyl?”

“The one with the messy hair and looks like he has a million tattoos hiding underneath his clothes?” Yamaguchi quickly replied. A bemused smile curled on Kei’s lips. He was definitely telling Kuroo about that later.

“Yeah, him,” he nodded. Suddenly, Yamaguchi’s eyes grew wider than they already were as he realized what he was getting at.

“You mean he’s—“

“Kuroo Tetsurou,” Kei finished. “And… we went on a date already.”

“You’re not joking or anything?” Yamaguchi asked. “No wait, Tsukki wouldn’t make a joke like this. You’re actually dating him?”

“It’s pretty surprising to me too,” Kei nodded.

“Wow,” Yamaguchi cocked his head to the left. “I always figured that Hinata and Kageyama would be the first ones to get together. I didn’t expect you’d be the first one.”

“Me either,” Kei shrugged. He turned around and smiled a little. “Who knows? You and Yachi might be the next.” Yamaguchi frowned.

“Wait. What do—“

“Yamaguchi-san!” The two of them heard Yachi call from behind them. Yamaguchi quickly turned around in surprise as their friend ran towards them.

“Y-yachi-san!” he stammered. Kei noticed the blush quickly spreading across his friend’s freckled face.

“Well, I’ll go ahead then. See you tomorrow,” he said, taking his cue to leave.

“See you tomorrow Tsukishima-san,” Yachi waved. Yamaguchi glanced at him with frightened eyes and Kei simply gestured towards Yachi in reply before leaving the two of them behind.

…

Tetsurou immediately looked up the moment he heard the shop door open. Instead of seeing one of those hipster indie kids who had come by his shop often earlier that day, he was finally greeted with the sight of Tsukishima Kei. Tetsurou felt a broad grin stretching across his face which no doubt looked silly and lovestruck to any passerby. He wouldn’t be surprised if animated hearts appeared all around his head like they did in Shoujo animes and cartoons. It made him happier, however, to see the shy smile that spread across Tsukishima’s face as well as he walked into the shop.

“You’re going to scare kids away with that grin,” he said, walking up to the counter. Tetsurou stood up and drew him into his arms, burying his face in Tsukishima’s shoulder.

“Oh yeah? Well you look like you just murdered somebody,” he smirked.

“Hey, you know what my friend said earlier?” Tsukishima asked, his arms going up and wrapping themselves around his waist.

“The Freckles Guy? What did he say?”

“He said you looked like the kind of person who had a million tattoos under his clothes.”

Tetsurou burst into laughter once he heard it. Tsukishima chuckled too, it felt like music in his ears. “Maybe I do have a million tattoos under my clothes,” he said, pulling apart slightly to look up at Tsukishima.

“Oh yeah? Knowing you, the only tattoos you’d probably get would look like cat posters.”

“That would make an _awesome_ tattoo.”

“No,” Tsukishima groaned. “I gave you an idea.” Tetsurou laughed again kissed him on the lips. He felt Tsukishima hum slightly. It drove him crazy.

“Anything else?” Tetsurou asked, pressing Tsukishima for more details about his day.

“Well, my teacher gave me these…” Tsukishima set his bag on the counter and pulled out a stack of papers. “College applications for me to mail,” he explained. Tetsurou took them from him and looked over them one by one. A rueful smile spread across his face.

“This brings back memories. I applied to most of these when I was in senior year too,” he said. “I remember Akaashi having to help Koutarou fill out his.”

“Have you thought about it?” he heard Tsukishima ask. “Applying for college I mean?”

“I have, so many times,” Tetsurou answered, looking up at him. “But in the end, I never do it because I’m a coward. It’s funny though. I’m entirely sure what I’m even afraid of.”

“You’re afraid of leaving things behind,” Tsukishima said softly. One of his hands reached out and gripped Tetsurou’s. “You’re afraid that you’ll leave and never come back, even though that’s really what you plan to do.”

“How the hell do you know all this about me?” Tetsurou laughed, his voice sounding hollow even in his own ears.

“Because it’s what I’m afraid of,” Kei shrugged and let go of his hand. He leaned over the counter and plucked a pen from the pen holder. “Help me fill these forms out, will you?” he said, handing Tetsurou a pen. He smiled and wrapped his fingers around it.

“I love you Tsukishima Kei,” he smiled, shaking his head and sitting down. Tsukishima’s face turned red as he plopped the stack of papers right in front of Tetsurou.

“Whatever, let’s just fill these out already so I can mail them by tomorrow.”

“Aye aye, captain!”

“Please don’t.”

 

**|Four Years Later|**

Kei held the postcard in front of him as he keyed in the numbers on his phone. He didn’t really need the postcard since he pretty much knew the number by heart. But it felt reassuring to have the postcard with him. Having it with him gave him a sense of security. He remembered the many times he ran his fingers over the words Tetsurou wrote in his spindly, messy handwriting, a stark contrast to the beautiful paintings he always made.

Then, once he finished keying the numbers, he stopped. His thumb hovered over the dial button. It inched to the right until it was over the ‘cancel’ button.

‘No, it’s time to call him already. It’s been four years, Kei,’ he told himself.

His thumb continued to hover over the dial button when his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of the nurse coming into the room. Kei quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket.

“How are you doing Tsukishima-san?” the nurse asked, smiling at him from the top of her clipboard.

“I’m alright,” he answered, nodding his head slightly.

“No headaches or anything? Do you still feel like you can stand after?” she continued.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Alright then,” the nurse nodded. “Well, I’ll come back after the blood transfusion. Sorry for making you go through so many.”

“It’s fine,” Kei shook his head. “It’s necessary anyway.” It was his third visit to the hospital within the last two weeks.

“It is,” the nurse agreed. And with that, she left the room. Kei pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared down at the number that was still keyed in.

His thumb hovered over the call button.

 

**|Now|**

“You’ve put stamps on these, right?” Kuroo asked, looking through the envelopes as he and Kei walked side by side down the street.

“Not yet. I’ll buy some from the Post Office,” he said, double-checking his wallet again to see if he really had the right amount of coins to buy the number of stamps he needed.

“There are five envelopes in all, just to remind you.”

“I know how many envelopes there are, Kuroo. I’m the one who put the letters inside the envelopes anyway.”

“I know…” There was a short pause before Kuroo said, “Five envelopes, not including your recommendation letter.” Kei rolled his eyes and sighed, tucking his wallet into his pocket. He could sense how nervous Kuroo was by the tone of his voice and the repetition of questions he asked him earlier. Kei didn’t even know why he was nervous in the first place, although he couldn’t deny how cute Kuroo looked fretting over him. Still, it became annoying after a while.

“It’s going to be fine,” Kei said, reaching for his boyfriend’s hand and gently squeezing it. Kuroo exhaled slowly and squeezed back.

“I know. How are you not nervous about this? When I mailed my college applications I literally asked Koutarou and Akaashi to hold my hands.”

“How did you mail the letters then?”

“You really like pay attention to the small stuff, don’t you?”

 “Just curious,” Kei shrugged.

“Whatever,” Kuroo huffed. “I bet you’re secretly freaking out on the inside too. You can hold my hand as much as you want,” he grinned.

“Whatever,” Kei rolled his eyes but still held onto his hand. As soon as they reached the post office he bought a bunch of stamps which he and Kuroo stuck on each of the envelopes. Kuroo counted and recounted the number of envelopes they had before Kei finally grabbed them from him and gave them to be mailed.

“So, what do you want to do now?” Kuroo asked, swinging his hands slightly as they walked out of the post office. Kei could visibly tell how relaxed he was now that the envelopes were out of his hands.

“Hmm… I don’t really feel like doing much,” Kei shrugged. “Maybe we could go to the lake again?” he suggested.

“Great idea!” Kuroo nodded enthusiastically, taking his keys out of his pocket as he walked ahead to his red pick-up truck. Kei fiddled with his headphone cord to unravel when suddenly, he bumped into Kuroo who had stopped abruptly right in the middle of the sidewalk. Kei frowned and stepped back.

“Hey, is something—“

“Tsukishima,” Kuroo cut him off, his voice sounding edged and sharp. Kei knew something was wrong. He looked up and found a man standing next to the red pick-up truck, his hand running over the hood of the car. He was wearing jeans and a button-up shirt and looked to be about middle-aged. There was some slight stubble on his chin and his hair almost touched his shoulders. When he looked up at them, Kei was immediately drawn to his eyes.

“Is that—“

“Yeah,” Kuroo nodded. “My dad.”

…

Besides the extra lines on his face, the streaks of gray in his hair, and the tired, jaded look in his eyes. Tetsurou hadn’t seen this face in years and now that his father was in front of him, all the memories came flooding back. He remembered seeing this face above him when he walked with his father. He remembered seeing this face below him when he lifted him high over his head. But most of all, Tetsurou remembered the many times he walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him and making his mother cry.

He felt happy.

Sad.

Confused.

Frustrated.

Hurt.

“You’re here,” Tetsurou said simply, despite the dam of words built up inside him that was about to burst.

“I’m here,” his father nodded, taking a step closer.

“Don’t,” Tetsurou backed away a step and held his hand out to stop him. “I don’t want to see you. Not now, not today of all days, not ever. I don’t care what you’re after but just go home,” he demanded. Despite how forceful he tried to sound, the emotion behind his voice felt more like fear. He felt his left hand reaching out to Tsukishima who immediately grasped it.

“Tetsu, I just traveled here from Okinawa,” his father said, no doubt trying to reason with him.

“Oh, so you went to Okinawa? How interesting. I never knew you wanted to go to Okinawa. Did you leave just to go to fucking Okinawa?”

“Tetsu—“

“Don’t call me that. You have no right to call me that,” Tetsurou snapped. “Why are you here anyway?” he asked.

“I came to visit your mother.”

‘Don’t say that,’ Tetsurou mentally screamed. He bit his lip so hard he thought it was going to bleed. That was the last thing he wanted to hear from his father. He didn’t want him using his mother’s name for a lie. He didn’t want to hear his father mention his mother. But most of all, he didn’t want his father to seem like the innocent one when he saw him as a villain all those years. It was just messed up.

“Kuroo… Kuroo!”

Tetsurou snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Tsukishima beside him. For a moment, everything disappeared that he didn’t even hear him calling his name. ‘At least he’s here,’ Tetsurou thought, feeling a small rush of warmth at the simple comfort of having Tsukishima there with him. He felt him squeeze his hand in reassurance, a wordless, priceless gesture.

“Are you two..?” his father began but Tetsurou shot a glare at him to shut him up.

“Yes,” he answered, gripping Tsukishima’s hand tighter and looking directly at his father. “Your opinion on us doesn’t matter.”

“Wasn’t going to say anything.” His father held his hands up in surrender.

“And you aren’t going to say anything more.” Tetsurou strode forward, pulling Tsukishima behind him. He shoved past his father and opened the car door.

“Wait, Tetsurou.” He felt a hand on his shoulder and immediately spun around to shove his father’s arm off.

“What do you want?!” Tetsurou yelled, finally feeling his dam of emotions about to burst.

“To talk to you!” his father yelled back. Tetsurou was immediately taken aback by the volume of his voice. His father stopped and looked down, rubbing the back of his head. “Listen…” he said in a much calmer voice. “I just want to talk to you. I deserve that chance, don’t I?”

‘Does he?’ his mind echoed. Tetsurou clearly heard the softness in his voice, the same tone his father used to calm him down whenever he was scared or in pain. ‘It’s okay, Tetsu,’ he remembered him saying when Tetsurou scraped his knee while trying to ride a bike. His father had been loving, what kind of father wouldn’t love his own son? But then again, what kind of father would leave his own son as well?

He turned to look at Tsukishima who had stayed silent the entire time. His face was unreadable and it bothered Tetsurou to not know what he was thinking. Tsukishima had forgiven his father just a few days ago. Well, not completely forgiven, but he was open to giving him a second chance. Why couldn’t he do the same? He was after all, as much to blame for what happened to his mother.

But when Tetsurou looked back up at his father, all he could see was the word ‘Betrayal’ painted in red over his face.

He wasn’t Tsukishima.

He couldn’t forgive his father.

“No,” Tetsurou said. He never thought that a single word could sound so icy and harsh.

…

The two of them drove away, leaving Kuroo’s father behind.

Kei sat silently in the passenger’s seat, trying to think of what to say. He should be able to say at least one thing. Kuroo would if Kei was in that kind of situation. He should have said something even before they left but instead, he did nothing and stood uselessly to the side. Once again, he felt a stab of hatred at himself for not being capable to at least say something to him.

“It’s not your fault, Tsukishima,” Kuroo said aloud.

“How—“

“I guess I know you too well,” he abruptly cut him off and cast him a sidelong grin. “You’ve been silent all this time.”

“I’ve been useless all this time,” Kei muttered.

“No, don’t say that,” Kuroo shook his head. “You shouldn’t have even been put into that kind of situation. I made my decision already.”

“I could have at least said something to make you feel better back there,” Kei pressed.

“Being with you already makes me feel better,” Kuroo smiled and held his hand.

‘How did I deserve someone like you?’ Kei wondered but kept the thought to himself. “So,” he cleared his throat. “What do you want to do?”

“Me?” Kuroo smirked. “I want to keep on driving.”

…

He wanted to scream.

He wanted to scream just like Kei did.

Just after they left, one startling thought burst into his head, triggered by the sudden appearance of his father. It made him feel stupid that he hadn’t considered it before the two of them got together.

What if he and Tsukishima turned out like his parents?

Tetsurou felt his chest tighten. Newfound hatred for his father bubbled up in his chest. Hatred because he remembered the relationship between his parents, the love that his mother thought was love, and the pain that came after once reality set in. He knew that what he and Tsukishima had was special. But was it as infinite as he thought it was? Was it indestructible?

They were nearing the lake. Tetsurou quickly steered the car to the side and slammed his foot on the brake right before they drove into the water. Luckily, the force threw him and Tsukishima off their seats a little bit but not all the way.

“Kuroo! What the heck was that?!” Tsukishima cursed, his hands gripping the dashboard tightly. Tetsurou didn’t reply. Instead, he opened the car door and slammed it shut behind him. The rage that filled him felt a lot like the rage he felt when he slashed his painting. Tetsurou tried to keep it down as much as possible for Tsukishima’s sake. But he didn’t stop himself from punching the side of the truck and kicking at the wheels.

“Damn it damn it damn it damn it!!” he yelled. Tetsurou wished he was numb, that his senses weren’t as hyper-focused like they were now. He wished that he didn’t have to feel the pain in his knuckles. He wished he didn’t have to see the tears blurring his vision. He wished he didn’t have to listen to the hurt, pain, sadness, and anger in his voice as he yelled.

“STOP IT!”

He felt two strong arms wrap around his body, twisting him around and slamming his back against the side of the car. Tetsurou let out a gasp of air as he fell down to a sitting position on the ground. Tsukishima fell with him, he was practically sitting on his legs. But his arms were still fastened around his body, holding him tight.

It was the only thing that Tetsurou wanted to feel.

Tsukishima’s face swam into his vision. Blonde hair. Black eyeglasses. Fair, almost pale-colored face. Amber eyes that looked at him with such concern and worry it made his chest hurt.

It was the only thing that Tetsurou wanted to see.

“Stop it, don’t do this to yourself.” Tsukishima’s voice cut through everything. The sound was as sharp as a knife even though his voice was shaky. It was as clear as a bell even though the volume was barely louder than a whisper.

It was the only thing that Tetsurou wanted to hear.

“Kei…” Tetsurou’s own voice sounded scratchy and hoarse. The tears flowed faster down his face. He buried his face in Tsukishima’s shoulder and sobbed. His hands clutched at his arms, clinging on for dear life, because Tsukishima was the only thing keeping him grounded.

“Are you worried that we’ll end up like them?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Tetsurou nodded. “I know I love you and everything but… I’m just scared that we’ll just turn out like… like them… Do you think about that too, Tsukishima?”

“Of course. I worry about that every day,” Tsukishima mumbled. “But I think it’s better to worry about these things than to keep lying to ourselves.”

“How is it better?” Tetsurou croaked.

“Because the fact that we question it means that we want it to be real,” he answered. “And when we want it to be real, we try as much as possible to make it real.”

“Does that mean you want it to be real too?” Tetsurou asked almost hesitantly.

“Of course I do. Do you?”

“Yeah.” Tetsurou hugged Tsukishima tighter. “You actually do have a way with words, you know that?” he murmured.

“I guess I do. I just need timing,” Tsukishima chuckled. Tetsurou smiled. “Now that I think about it,” he continued. “Love is actually really foolish.”

“We are all fools in the end,” Tetsurou agreed. “Do you also have dreams? For the future?”

“Of course I do,” Tsukishima said, burying his forehead in the crook of his neck. Tetsurou could feel his breath against his skin, he closed his eyes.

“Let’s run away someday.”

“Sure.”

“We can live on convenience store food for the rest of our lives.”

“That sounds unhealthy, but why not?”

“We can join the circus.”

“As long as I don’t have to be a trapeze artist.”

“We can murder some corrupt politician and live on their cash.”

“That’s one item off my bucket list.”

“We can live on a deserted island.”

“You won’t last two days when the batteries of your CD player run out.”

“We can find dragons and rule the world.”

“My childhood dream right there.”

“Let’s move into a big house with Koutarou and Akaashi.”

“Living with Bokuto? Now that’s where I draw the line.”

Tetsurou laughed. “What? Why not? That sounds awesome.”

“For you it does. I am not waking up in the morning to the sound of Bokuto’s yelling,” Tsukishima said.

“You can invest in earplugs.”

“I don’t think so.” Tsukishima pulled away from him and sat up. His hands reached for Tetsurou’s right hand by his side. He suddenly remembered how much his knuckles hurt from all the punching that he did. Tsukishima pulled the hand to his lips and kissed the split, aching skin.

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m sorry you had to see it,” Tetsurou apologized.

“Now I have to bandage your hands again,” Tsukishima frowned.

 Tetsurou laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for this last scene. It's a mess, I know and I had no idea how to fix it so please forgive me for this one scene. The flow of the story is kind of messed up too (I'm so sorry >_


	10. Skinny Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had a nice apartment to himself. He had a job that allowed him to make use of his art skills. He had a steady income and some extra savings as well. Tetsurou had everything he needed and wanted. But it still felt like there was something missing, like there was a hole in his chest that he couldn’t fill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO CHAPTERS LEFT (I THINK).
> 
> AND WE HIT 1000+ KUDOS ALREADY THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS

**|Now|**

Kei clutched the envelope with both hands. The words ‘Tokyo University’ were printed neatly on the left hand corner. It came, it finally came. He received it in the mail earlier that morning and if he hadn’t seen the address written on it he would have dumped it on the table along with the other electric bills. Both of his parents had already left the house before Kei did so he took it with him to school instead.

“Tsukki, open it already!” Yamaguchi whined beside him. “You’re keeping all of us in suspense.” Besides him, Kageyama, Hinata, and Yachi were standing around his desk. Yamaguchi was beside Yachi and his arm was wrapped around her shoulder. Seeing them like that made the height difference look even more obvious. The two of them had started dating weeks ago, a few days after Yamaguchi had confessed to her. Turns out, she was just as nervous as he was. ‘Funny, I always thought KageHina would happen first,’ he thought.

“Yeah Tsukishima! Open it!” Hinata added, the look of pure apprehension clear on his face.

“I probably didn’t get in though,” Kei mumbled. Tokyo University was extremely competitive, he even began second-guessing himself days after he sent the letter. Maybe he shouldn’t have aimed that high.

“Well, if anyone can get into Tokyo University it’s probably you, Tsukishima-san,” Yachi said quietly, smiling at him. “Even Sakamoto-sensei believes in you, and we know he never exaggerates.”

“And if you didn’t get in, then it’s them who should be sorry,” Kageyama spoke up. Kei looked at him in slight surprise.

“Wow, is Kageyama Tobio actually trying to reassure me?” he smirked.

“Shut up, dumbass!” Kageyama turned away and flushed. “It’s not like I care if you get in or not.”

“Tsundere,” Hinata, Yamaguchi, and Yachi muttered at the same time.

“Fine then,” Kei sighed. He opened the envelope and pulled out the letter, unfolding it before him. All at once, his friends crowded behind his back to read it. Kei rolled his eyes and read the letter silently to himself.

‘Dear Tsukishima Kei,’ it said. ‘We are happy to inform you that you have been accepted in Tokyo University.’

“Tsukki you did it!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, gripping both of his shoulders excitedly.

“No, that’s not the end of it,” Yachi said. “Read the next part.”

Kei pulled the letter close to his face. ‘And due to your application for a need-based scholarship as well as the academic prowess shown through your high school grades, we would also like to offer you a **full scholarship** when you decide to enroll in our university. Your response, if you choose to accept or decline, will be needed in one week. Thank you for applying.’

“I… I got a scholarship…” Kei said, slowly and hesitantly, not quite believing what he just read. He read and reread the letter but the words were still there.

“Tsukki…” he heard Yamaguchi say softly.

“Congratulations, Tsukishima-san,” Yachi patted his shoulder and smiled. Kei turned around and looked up at all of his friends. The expressions and Yamaguchi and Yachi’s faces were of pride and joy. Yamaguchi even looked like he was about to cry. Hinata had the broadest grin and there was no denying that the look on Kageyama’s face, although not as expressive, was one of happiness as well. Kei felt a squeezing in his chest.

During the past few weeks, the five of them spent their time studying for their exams in either Yamaguchi’s house or Yachi’s house. Tetsurou had even banned him from taking his shifts in Vinyl so that he could study so Kei really had nothing else to do except spend time with his classmates. At first he found it incredibly annoying, especially when Hinata and Kageyama kept on asking him questions that were already covered in class. But now, he realized that those days they spent studying together are probably the last moments they’ll spend together as friends.

“Thanks,” Kei said, meeting the eyes of each and every one of them. “Thanks for being here.” A few beats of silence passed and suddenly, Yamaguchi and Hinata burst into tears at the same time.

“Tsukki! That was amazing!”

“You really do have a heart, Stingyshima!”

“What the hell is wrong with you two?!” Kei flushed.

“Is Tsukishima Kei really feeling sentimental?” Kageyama smirked at him.

“Whatever,” Kei huffed.

“I bet your parents are going to be glad to see this,” Yachi smiled. Kei bit his lip and looked down at the letter in his hands.

“I hope so.”

…

“God, Akaashi that’s the fifth time today already,” Tetsurou groaned, turning to his friend who was busy securing tape on boxes of records they were going to sell.

“I can’t really help it,” Keiji sighed. “Kou has been playing that song all night.”

“And now the Last Song Syndrome has passed on to you,” Tetsurou finished. Keiji had been humming ‘Hello’ by Lionel Richie practically all day.

“By the way, any news about Tsukishima-san?” Keiji asked. He, Koutarou, Tetsurou were all nervous for Kei. Koutarou dropped motivational quotes every now and then when he was around the shop which Kei rolled his eyes at. Keiji left him thermoses of chamomile tea to calm him down which Kei ended up drinking despite him saying that it was just ‘hot leaf juice.’ That eventually led to Tetsurou stopping him from working his shifts in Vinyl so that he had time to study. But when he began to miss after not seeing him for one day, he began to regret his decision.

“His exams should be finished by now. And the answer from Tokyo should come anytime soon…” Tetsurou said. “Do you really think he’ll get in?” he asked Keiji. He was sure that Kei, being as smart as he was, would surely be able to get into Tokyo University. But that didn’t stop him from feeling worried at all.

“Yes, Kuroo-san,” Keiji sighed, having answered that question a dozen times over the past few weeks. “Tsukishima-san is really smart after all. And he has a recommendation letter from a teacher too so that should give more reason for him to be accepted.”

“Okay…” Tetsurou nodded. He scratched impatiently at the peeling paint on the countertop. Normally he would be drawing some random things to keep his mind off worrying. But now, all he really wanted was to see valid proof to chase his doubts away. Then, as if the heavens actually heard his prayer, the shop door opened and Tsukishima Kei himself walked in.

“Hey,” he greeted, raising his hand in a lazy sort of wave as he came in.

“Hey,” Tetsurou answered back, sitting up in his chair. There were a million things he could have possibly said, but apparently ‘hey’ was the one that came out of his mouth. Sometimes Tetsurou wondered if his mouth and brain were connected at all.

“Hello? Is it me you’re looking for,” Keiji muttered under his breath but loud enough for Tetsurou and Kei to hear.

“Nice timing, Akaashi,” Tetsurou shook his head and sarcastically held a thumbs-up sign.

“I try,” Keiji shrugged, a small smirk playing on his lips.

“Exams are done then?” Tetsurou asked, turning to Kei this time.

“Yeah, a few days ago actually but clearance was hell too,” Kei sighed and put his bag down. “Also…”

“What?” Tetsurou stood up abruptly and placed his hands on the countertop. “Did you get the letter already?”

“Geez, you’re more excited about it than I am,” Kei smirked before his expression turned more serious. “And yes, I did get it today…”

“What does it say then?” Keiji asked. Tetsurou could detect a hint of apprehension in his voice.

“I got in,” Kei answered, looking at the two of them and biting his lip. “And… I got a scholarship too.”

“You… you got in…” Tetsurou echoed. The words registered themselves in his head and a smile grew on his face. “You got in!” he said again, much louder and more excited this time. He threw himself onto Kei and wrapped his arms around his neck.

“Tetsu! I’m going to fall!” Kei protested, laughing slightly at Tetsurou’s reaction.

“Congratulations, Tsukishima-san,” he heard Keiji say behind them. “I better tell Kou about this to ease his mind.”

“Tell him I’m not here too,” Kei added.

“He’s right here!!” Tetsurou yelled.

“Too bad, he’s coming…” Keiji said after putting down the phone.

“Goddamnit,” Kei cursed.

“He’ll come over either way,” Keiji shrugged before lifting a box and walking over to the storage room.

“So, you’re definitely taking it then,” Tetsurou, turning back to Kei and grinning.

“Yeah, I’d be stupid not to take it,” Kei snorted.

“It’s definitely your chance,” Tetsurou nodded in agreement.

“I don’t know how my mother will react to this though,” Kei said, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter. “I’ll be leaving just like Akiteru did, she’ll probably hate me. And…”

“What is it?” Tetsurou asked, hugging Kei from behind and resting his cheek against the back of his shoulder.

“I’ll be leaving you behind too…” Kei said softly. “Tokyo is really far…”

Tetsurou bit his lip. He had considered that thought multiple times over the past few weeks. He definitely had missed Kei when he was gone, it would be even worse if he had to stay away for months or even years. Not to mention the fact that Kei could probably meet someone new in university, someone smart and capable, someone who wasn’t going to spend the rest of his life managing a record store.

Tetsurou never denied the fact that he was pathetic. But now that he was dating Kei, he was even more conscious of how pathetic he really was. All because he couldn’t go to college, because of that one stupid decision that he made. That made it all the more important for Kei to leave. Tetsurou wasn’t going to tie him down.

“What are you thinking about?” Kei asked, poking a finger at his forward. Tetsurou put on a smile and wrapped his arms around Kei’s shoulders.

“Tokyo isn’t that far. Just a few miles away maybe.”

“If by ‘just a few miles’ you mean ‘more than a hundred miles’ then I guess you are right,” Kei said sarcastically.

“Relax, I’ll go visit you once in a while when you’re on campus,” Tetsurou shrugged.

“On that car? You’ll probably break down on the road in the middle of nowhere,” Kei pointed out.

“We’ll find a way, Kei. We always do.”

“…I know…” Kei nodded and smiled. Tetsurou closed his eyes and buried his face in Kei’s shoulder. He inhaled the familiar scent of laundry soap that always clung to his clothes, wondering if he would still remember that scent once Kei left.

 

**|Two Weeks Ago|**

“Kei! Kei! Look what I found!”

“Can you be any louder?” Kei rolled his eyes and turned to Tetsurou who was tugging at his shirtsleeve like a little kid. He shoved a paperback book in his face. It had a black cover and the title ‘Japanese Urban Ghost Stories: Part 5’ was written in red capital letters.

“Look what I found!” Tetsurou said in a softer voice that sounder more like a whisper being yelled.

“I can see the title…” Kei said exasperatedly. He plucked the book from his hands and flipped through it. “The Mysterious Clown Ghost of Natsumi Daycare,” he read and looked up, raising an eyebrow at his grinning boyfriend. “You like this?”

“Yeah, they’re cheap to purchase but they’re really scary too. I buy the new book whenever it comes out,” Tetsurou nodded enthusiastically.

“They’re not even real, how are they scary?”

“Yes they’re real. They’re taken from eyewitness accounts who actually experienced it.”

“The Strange Disfigured Man of Onizuka Street,” Kei read aloud another chapter title. “Okay, now they’re just being mean.”

“Well, what book are you looking at then?” Tetsurou huffed. “How to be a Smart Aleck with Glasses?”

“I’m the personal author of that book, as a matter of fact,” Kei smirked and held up the book he was browsing through.

“Weird But True Facts?” Tetsurou read aloud and took the book from him. “You find this exciting?”

“Unlike the one you’re reading, this has real eyewitness accounts,” Kei crossed his arms over his chest.

“Some tribes in Mongolia specialize in the art of throat singing,” Tetsurou read. “Other than being able to sing one pitch at a time, they can sing in two or more pitches.”

“See? Interesting,” Kei pointed out.

“How does that sound like though?” Tetsurou frowned, cocking his head at him. “Is it like oooOOOOwOOOAAAAAHhooooo?” he asked, demonstrating his version of ‘throat singing.’ His singing, which was usually off-pitch, sounded even more off-pitch now. Almost instantly, all the other people in the bookstore turned their heads to look at them.

“Shut up!” Kei hissed, clapping a hand over his boyfriend’s mouth. “That is not throat singing at all. You sound like a dying animal.”

“I think I’ve impressed a bunch of people here,” Tetsurou smirked, pulling Kei’s hand down so he could talk.

“You haven’t impressed them. Now they think we’re weird,” Kei fumed.

“Fine, fine. I’ll stop my amazing throat singing,” Tetsurou gave in. But right when Kei put down his hand, Tetsurou opened his mouth and did another impression of his ‘throat singing’ but much louder in volume.

“OWOOOOAAAOOOOOWAAAOOOAHHH—“

“Fuck!” Kei cursed and clapped his hand over Tetsurou’s mouth again before pushing him out of the bookstore and down the street until they were a few blocks away. Once Kei removed his hand Tetsurou doubled over in laughter.

“Oh, how incredibly funny,” Kei rolled his eyes exasperatedly at him.

“Did you… did you see their faces?” Tetsurou spoke in between his cackling.

“Yes, and I’m pretty sure they’ll remember how we look like for as long as we live.”

“Come on Kei,” Tetsurou nudged him. “That was funny. Come on, laugh already. It was funny.” Kei shook his head at him but the more Tetsurou nudged his ribs, the more he remembered the look on everyone’s faces. One mother who was shopping with her kid looked absolutely scandalized.

“Okay, that was pretty funny,” he shook his head, laughing slightly. “But I don’t think I’ll ever go on a bookstore date with you again.”

“You love going on dates with me Kei.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do.”

 

**|Now|**

After being bear-hugged several times by a really happy Bokuto, Kei decided that it was finally time for him to go home. Tetsurou offered to walk him home but Kei declined, seeing that he looked pretty tired. After a goodbye kiss between the two of them, Kei went on his way, with a letter in his bag and some news to tell his parents.

His father regularly went to his job. He left in the morning and came back by late afternoon. His mother, seeing that there was no need for her to work overtime, cut down her shifts as well so she came home by early evening every day. Instead of having to microwave a bento box from the convenience store or open a can of food, Kei came home to his father’s cooking. They weren’t all that fancy or extravagant or anything, but they were still home-cooked meals.

As he was walking down the street, wondering how exactly he was supposed to tell his parents the news, Kei passed by an alleyway behind an office building. That was one more thing on the list of things Kei hated about his town. The dark, dirty alleyways that were littered with garbage and overflowing sewers. Kei hated it even more when there were one of those gangs or delinquents hanging around the place.

Right now, there were a few of them crowded against the wall, all of them wearing jackets with the hoods down to almost cover their faces. Kei always wondered their purpose for wearing their jackets that way. It wasn’t as if their faces weren’t unrecognizable. All of them looked up when Kei passed by. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and kept his head down to avoid looking at any of them in the eye. As he passed, one of them blew smoke in his direction before turning back to his friends and snickering. Kei kept on walking to make it seem as if he wasn’t affected by it, even when he coughed at the smell and felt his eyes begin to water. But despite how indifferent he made himself look on the outside, inside, heart was actually racing. There was still a chance that he would be jumped or mugged by any of them. He made himself walk faster and didn’t stop until he reached his front porch.

Kei turned around to check if anyone was following him and was glad to find out that there wasn’t. He breathed out a sigh of relief. However, he was still pretty annoyed that they managed to scare him just by blowing smoke in his face. He could still smell it on his clothes. ‘Hopefully they won’t notice…’ Kei told himself as he opened the door to his house.

“I’m home!” he called once he got in. That was another thing that took him some time to get used to, saying ‘I’m home’ whenever he went inside the house.

“Welcome home!” he heard his mother call from the kitchen. Kei walked in to find her standing by the stove, wearing an apron and stirring something in a pot on the stove. It smelled like miso soup. Kei hoped it was strong enough to mask the smell on his clothes.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” his mother said, smiling at him. “Call your father will you? He’s in his office.”

“Sure,” Kei nodded and headed down the hallway. His mother had forgiven him pretty quickly for what happened several nights ago when they had argued about Akiteru. Kei was glad that they had dropped the issue.

Instead of going directly to his father’s office, which he hadn’t used in years until now, Kei stopped by his room first to change out of his clothes. After that, he walked to his father’s office and knocked on the door.

“Dad?” he asked, knocking twice. “It’s almost time for dinner already.” Only silence greeted him. Kei frowned and twisted the doorknob. Right before he opened his father sprang up and appeared behind the door, wedging himself between it and the wall.

“Sorry about that, I fell asleep in my office again,” his father laughed, rubbing the back of his head. Kei caught a whiff of the smell of smoke again and immediately backed away from the door so as not to let his father smell it.

“Okay, I’ll see you at dinner then,” he added, sounding somewhat awkward. His father nodded and closed the door. Kei dashed to the bathroom and splashed water on his face and arms, hoping to somehow get the smell off. He even washed his arms with some of the rubbing alcohol his mother kept in the bathroom for good measure. When he was done, he left the bathroom to join his parents at the table.

“Dinner looks good Noriko,” his father smiled, sitting down at the table. Kei noticed that he had changed his clothes too, his father changed his clothes quite often nowadays.

“Thank you. I was able to get some chicken on sale,” his mother said, returning the smile. Before Kei was  a plate of steaming rice and strips of teriyaki chicken. After breaking up his chopsticks, he began to eat.

“Anything new happen today?” his father asked.

“Nothing much,” his mother shrugged. “Unless you’d like me to talk about this lump the doctor extracted from a cab driver’s back.”

“Sounds fun, but maybe for another time when we’re not eating,” his father chuckled. “How about you Kei? Your exams just ended, right?”

“Yeah, we’re just doing clearance in school now,” he muttered. “And… actually…”

“What is it?” his mother asked, looking over at him curiously.

“I got a response from Tokyo,” Kei finally blurt out. The dining room fell silent. Kei heard his mother drop her chopsticks. His father, on the other hand, was the first to break the silence.

“What did it say then?” his father asked, leaning closer to him.

“I… I got in,” Kei swallowed and looked at the two of them. “And they’re giving me a full scholarship.”

“A full scholarship?” his mother repeated.

“A full scholarship in Tokyo?” his father laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “That’s… that’s insane!”

“I really can’t believe it either,” Kei shook his head.

“But living in Tokyo is going to be pretty expensive too,” his mother said, biting her lip worriedly. “Does… does the full scholarship cover housing costs too? If Kei’s far away what will happen if he gets sick or if he gets mugged…”

“Who cares, it’s Tokyo!” his father grinned at Kei and clapped him on the back. “We’ll send you money and everything and just find a way to visit you there.”

“I think the scholarship covers housing too,” Kei added.

“When did you get the letter?” his father asked.

“This morning, but I didn’t want to read it yet so I looked at it in school.”

“You should have told us earlier then. I could have cooked your favorite meal or something,” his mother pouted.

“Well where’s the letter then? I want to take a look.”

“I’ll get it from my room.” Kei stood up and headed to his room, feeling relieved and at the same time happy at his parents’ reactions. ‘That wasn’t so hard after all,’ he thought. After fishing his letter out of his bag, he immediately walked back to the dinner table and handed it to his father.

“Damn, it really is real,” he grinned as he read over the letter. His mother stood behind him to read it as well.

“Why don’t we celebrate this? We can go out to a restaurant,” she suggested.

“I agree,” his father nodded. “Let’s do it this Friday, that’s your graduation day, right Kei?”

“Y-yeah?” he stammered, quite surprised that his father actually new the date.

“Oh, I completely forgot. You’re already graduating in a few days. Time really does fly quickly,” his mother sighed. His father folded the letter up and handed it to him.

“Keep this,” he said. “Add it to your memorabilia collection or something.”

“I don’t have a memorabilia collection…” Kei said.

“Then start one. You know, to collect things that mean a lot to you so you can always go back to remember them,” his father shrugged. “This is a very special day after all.” Kei looked down at the letter and then back at his parents, both of them beaming proud smiles at him. Kei felt his chest tighten at the look on their faces. Akiteru was never able to experience this, neither was Tetsurou. Not everyone in the world was lucky enough to experience it either. Kei never thought that he’d see this sight at all, but now he actually felt that his life really was turning out for the better.

“I will,” he said, smiling at the two of them.

 

**|Four Years Later|**

Tetsurou rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. Slowly, he stretched and rotated his stiff, aching shoulders. In front of him, on the computer screen, was an unfinished drawing of a hillside view. Tetsurou thought that digital art would be easy, especially since he already knew how to paint, but sadly, that was not the case. It took him months to actually learn the basics and about a year or more to actually be able to perfect the craft. Furthermore, digital art also included the same aches and pains in the shoulder and arms that painting caused.

But at least now he was getting better. Tetsurou leaned forward and picked up his stylus again, going over the details in the grass and plants to make them look as close to real grass and plants as possible. He had a few printed out pictures scattered over his desk for reference as well. If there was one thing that he liked about digital art, it was being able to see the actual finished product.

He left the office in the early evening and walked the short distance back to his apartment. After years of working and saving up money, he was finally able to afford a place to himself. Before that, he had to share a flat with a bunch of other people who he never actually cared to talk to except when he needed something.

Tetsurou remembered the sense of pride he felt when he finally got himself an apartment. He remembered holding the keys in his hands and using them to open the front door before walking in to the smell of freshly painted walls and floor polish. The space had a single bedroom, a small kitchen that doubled as dining room as well with its countertop, a bathroom, and a small living room too. It wasn’t that big but it was good enough for a single person. The most important part was that the rent was cheap enough for him to afford, and that the space wasn’t too cramped.

The living room consisted of a low table for him to work on, a larger desk where he put most of his art materials, and most importantly, his shelf full of records. His old record player was set up on a nightstand beside the shelf. Tetsurou walked over to it and began to play the Bon Iver record he had been listening to for the past few days.

In the kitchen, he began reheating a small saucepan of miso soup. He was in the middle of adding the tofu in when he realized that he actually had two burners instead of one. While heating the soup he could also fry the fish he was going to have for dinner. Tetsurou smiled and shook his head as he got a pan from the cabinet under the sink. That was one thing that he found hard to get used to. Back in the flat he lived in before, he rarely had the chance to use the stove and when he did, he could only use one burner. In the apartment he lived in before that, back in his hometown, he only had one burner as well.

Tetsurou hummed along to the song playing as he switched on the second burner and placed the pan on top of it. The Bon Iver record began to play one of his favorite songs.

_Come on skinny love just last a year_

_Pour a little salt we were never hear_

“My my my my, my my my, my my,” Tetsurou sang along. Once he was done cooking, he set his dinner on the long countertop in the kitchen and began to eat. As he ate, he looked around his apartment for probably the hundredth time since he moved in. There were no leaky ceilings, no buckets on the floor to catch leaks when it rained, no peeling paint on the walls, no cigarette burns on the table.

_Tell my love to wreck it all_

_Cut all of the ropes and let me fall_

He had a nice apartment to himself. He had a job that allowed him to make use of his art skills. He had a steady income and some extra savings as well. Tetsurou had everything he needed and wanted. But it still felt like there was something missing, like there was a hole in his chest that he couldn’t fill.

_And I told you to be patient, and I told you to be fine_

_And I told you to be balanced, and I told you to be kind_

Tetsurou didn’t know if it could ever be filled.

 

**|Now|**

Kei stood in front of the mirror and tried once again to flatten his hair down. He finally got around to trimming his hair yesterday as per his parents’ request. Tetsurou decided to tag along as well which was alright with him. Bokuto wanted to go as well but Akaashi stopped him. Kei liked the feeling of having his bangs not hang over his eyes, despite the fact that Tetsurou claimed he looked cuter before he had his hair cut.

“Kei, are you ready?” he heard his father call from outside his room.

“Yeah,” he answered, giving himself one last once-over in the mirror. For once, his school uniform was clean and freshly ironed as well. It was the last time he was going to wear it. That didn’t make him feel sentimental or anything but it was just that a thought that occurred to him. And with that in mind, he left his room to join his parents already waiting for him in the living room dressed in their best clothes.

“Do we really not have a camera for this?” his mother sighed. “We’re supposed to commemorate this moment aren’t we?”

“Just take a picture in your heads,” Kei shrugged. “Can we go already?”

“Yeah, we better head off if we’re going to get seats in the gym,” his father nodded, checking his watch. Their car was sold a long time ago to pay for the house rent that piled up so they had to walk all the way to Kei’s school. Fortunately though, the school wasn’t that far off and the heat of the day hadn’t settled in just yet.

The gym was already crowded once they got in but his parents managed to find some seats in the back. Kei separated from them and headed over to where the graduating class was seated. The seating was according to name so Kei was pretty far away from his friends. He spotted Yamaguchi and Yachi sitting only a few seats apart from each other. Yamaguchi grinned and waved when he passed by before sitting down at his designated seat. While waiting for the ceremony to start, he sat up a little and searched the crowd for any sign of Tetsurou, Bokuto, and Akaashi who all promised to attend his graduation despite Kei’s protests. Finally, he found them sitting together in the back row. Bokuto was the first one to catch his eye and waved both of his arms in the air before Akaashi elbowed him in the ribs to stop.

The ceremony was long and boring and Kei was already itching to leave as soon as the principal began his speech. He was immensely thankful that their student council president had a pretty short speech so that cut down the waiting. At the part when they were supposed to stand up, a late student squeezed past the row of students and stood in the empty space beside Kei. He didn’t recognize who he was so he must have been in a different class. But judging by his rumpled school uniform and messy hair, Kei guessed that he woke up late.

“Man, must have been getting high again,” he heard the two people on the other side of him whisper. Kei made a face. He wasn’t surprised that some of his classmates smoked weed or whatever it is they used to get high on. But he definitely found it pathetic.

He shook his head and turned his attention back to the ceremony. And that’s when he smelled it. It was only a slight whiff at first, just barely noticeable. But when Kei inhaled again, he definitely knew that it was there.

The smell of smoke. Much like the smoke that the delinquent from the other day breathed on him.

Kei remembered the smell of it on his clothes. He remembered smelling it even after he changed, when he knocked on his father’s door to get him for dinner.

Then, he remembered that he smelled it on his father’s clothes on the day he got his new job.

Kei felt a hard lump in the back of his throat and prayed that he was wrong.

…

“Hey, where’s Tsukishima?” Koutarou asked, standing on his tiptoes to survey the crowd.

“I’m sure he’s just somewhere here, Koutarou,” Keiji said exasperatedly.

“Well he isn’t really planning on meeting us here though, we just tagged along,” Tetsurou said. “His parents are here after all.”

“But I made him a graduation present,” Koutarou pouted, holding up a weird, lumpy-looking beanie that he himself knitted with rainbow yarn.

“You can give it to him tomorrow. It’s not like he’s disappearing right after his graduation,” Tetsurou reminded him, chuckling at his friend. He also had a graduation present for Kei, another mixtape tucked right in his jacket pocket. He brought it despite knowing that that he probably wasn’t going to meet him today, just like Koutarou.

“Isn’t that him?” Keiji pointed. Tetsurou turned around and sure enough, he found Kei, and what appeared to be his parents, walking past the school exit. Judging by how fast he was walking, Kei appeared to be in a hurry to go somewhere.

“That’s weird…” Tetsurou muttered as he watched him.

“So close! I could have given this to him already,” Koutarou whined.

“Don’t worry Kou,” Tetsurou reassured him. “Tomorrow, I’m sure you can give it to him tomorrow.”

…

“I’ll just go to the bathroom and change my clothes,” Kei said quickly.

“Alright, we’ll just wait here,” his mother nodded. She and his father sat down on the chairs set out on the porch while Kei went inside. As soon as he was inside, he strode over to his father’s office. He twisted the doorknob and found that it was locked. His heart thudded even louder and he could hear his blood rushing in his ears. That wasn’t a good sign. Luckily, he knew that his mother had a set of spare keys behind a kitchen cabinet. He quickly took them, hoping that his parents were going to come inside just yet, and unlocked the door.

The office was neat and tidy. Nothing was scattered on the floor or strewn on the desk. But that was the strange part, the fact that there were so little items inside. Normally there would have been at least some papers on a desk if his father got a desk job like he said he did. ‘No, maybe it’s just in his briefcase,’ Kei told himself, walking further into the room. He picked up his father’s briefcase which was on his chair and opened it to find that it was empty.

And then, his father entered the room.

“Kei, what are you doing here?” he asked. Kei looked up and immediately caught the fear in his eyes.

“Dad… what exactly is your job?” Kei asked in a low voice, his hands dropping the lid of the briefcase.

“I told you, I have a desk job,” his father answered. “Come on Kei, let’s go. Your mother’s waiting.”

“What is your job?” Kei repeated in a much louder voice. “I don’t see anything in your fucking briefcase.” His father licked his lips but said nothing. Kei was watching his eyes. When he saw them dart towards a box tucked in the shelf against the wall for just a millisecond, he immediately ran towards it. Unfortunately, his father was surprisingly just as fast. He took hold of Kei’s shirt collar and pinned him against the shelf. Kei let out a gasp of surprise as his head hit the shelf’s edge. Dark spots bloomed in his vision but he managed to grasp the edge of the box and send it tumbling to the ground.

The cover fell off. The contents spilled out. Little bundles of newspaper scattered all over the floor. One of them unrolled on the floor. Kei instantly recognized what the dried leaves inside were.

“No…” he shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as if by doing so, he could make the sight of it disappear. Everything was going so well. His admission to Tokyo. His parents supporting his decision. His relationship with Tetsurou. His graduation. And then this had to happen.

It felt like that time back when Kei was younger, when he saw his father drinking on the front porch. His life was a perfect example of the Snowball Effect. How could such small things affect his life so much? It felt like a joke.

“Kei… Kei listen to—“

“I thought you changed!” Kei yelled in his father’s face. “You… you said you had a job!”

“I do have a fucking job,” his father yelled back. “I’m paying for the bills and… and the food and your supplies and books for college! I’m paying for everything because I have a fucking job now!” His face was contorted in anger and Kei began to see the paint peeling away, revealing what his father really was. Pathetic. Useless. Nothing.

“You could go to jail for this!” Kei seethed. “And if you go to jail they’re going to question Mom and me. You’ve ruined us.”

“I’m fixing this goddamn family, don’t you see??” his father cried. “I’m… I’m fixing us.”

“Suzuru?” Kei looked up and found his mother standing in the doorway, her face drained of color. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“Noriko…” his father swallowed.

“Mom! He’s been selling drugs all this time!” Kei yelled at her. “Go to a neighbor’s house and use the phone to call the police!”

“No!” his father roared, smacking Kei’s head against the shelf’s edge again. He screamed in pain as his vision swam. Something warm trickled down the back of his neck.

“Let go of him!” his mother screamed. She ran towards the two of them, picked up the briefcase on her husband’s desk, and used it to hit him over the head. Kei heard a groan of pain and felt the grip on his shirt loosen. Before he fell to the ground, his mother grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him to his feet. Kei stumbled slightly but he managed to keep up with her as they ran out the room. He turned around to find his father recovering quickly from the blow dealt by his mother and chasing behind the two of them. Thinking quickly, Kei grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door shut on his father’s fingers.

“Fuck!” he heard him yell, but Kei and his mother didn’t stay long enough for his father to recover from that. Holding each other tightly, they made their way out the front door and headed down the street. Kei’s head throbbed in pain but neither he nor his mother chose to stop running until they were a good distance away from the house. Finally, Kei couldn’t handle it any longer and stopped to throw up on the side of the road.

“Go on, go ahead to the police already,” he said, panting heavily.

“No, I am not leaving you behind,” his mother shook her head and held Kei’s face in her hands.

“But he’s going to get away,” he protested.

“I don’t care about that,” she snapped. “We’re going to the hospital first. Your father comes second.” Kei bit his lip so hard that it bled. ‘He’s going to pay. He’s going to pay for this,’ he told himself. But he gave a small nod. His mother took out a handkerchief from her handbag and pressed it against the back of his head.

“Put pressure on this,” she ordered him, holding his left hand to the bloody handkerchief to keep it in place. Then she took out her phone and dialed an ambulance. Kei sat down on the sidewalk with his hand pressed to the back of his head. He squeezed his eyes shut and wished for all of it to just be a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STORY TIME: 
> 
> So I was writing on Friday night but I was super sleepy so like any normal person, I fell asleep on my laptop. When I woke up the chapter I had been working on had been COMPLETELY erased and replaced by five pages of 'mmmmmmmmm' Honestly, I wasn't even sure if I should laugh or cry BUT this chapter still managed to get out thank god. So the lesson here kids is: Never fall asleep while writing.
> 
> And sorry about that weird Mongolian throat singing scene. Honestly, I should be chained to a wall and prevented from writing at all.


	11. Little Talks/Bookends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know you will,” he said, nodding at him. He ran out of energy to put on another fake smile. He let go of Kei’s hand and stood to the side as Kei got into the backseat of the van. The engine switched on. Kei poked his head out of the window, his eyes staring directly at Tetsurou. Neither of them said anything, but the looks in their eyes were more than enough to express what they were feeling. Tetsurou hugged the record to his chest and watched as the truck drove away, further and further and further until it was out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to the last chapter guys!!! If you thought the last chapter had an intense cliffhanger wait until you read THIS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
> 
> (but seriously, thanks for reading this little fic of mine :) )

“Kuroo-san, there’s… a phone call for you.”

Tetsurou looked, up taking note of the tone in Keiji’s voice, a mixture of worry and hesitation. He frowned and stood up, walking over to the counter where the store’s telephone was. “Who’s it from?” he asked, taking the phone from him. Keiji bit his lip.

“It’s Tsukishima-san. It came from the hospital,” he said quietly. At the sound of the words ‘Tsukishima’ and ‘hospital’, Tetsurou felt panic settle in. He remembered the last time he got a call from the hospital, when he heard that his mother had been rushed over there when her condition took a turn for the worst.

‘No, not again. Not again.’ Tetsurou paled. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to find Koutarou standing behind him, a look of reassurance expressed on his face. Tetsurou bit his lip and held the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Tetsurou?” he heard Kei’s voice over the line.

“Kei! What happened? Why are you in the hospital?” Tetsurou asked, quickly shooting of his questions.

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” Kei said. “Just, please don’t talk too loud.” Tetsurou relaxed slightly but quickly caught on to the sound of pain in his voice.

“What happened to you?” he asked again in a calmer tone.

“I… I don’t know where to start…” Kei sighed, he sounded tired and in pain. “Can you… Can you please come over here? Please?” he asked, his voice sounding close to cracking. What happened to him? And then, Tetsurou remembered seeing him hurrying out of the school with his parents right after the graduation ceremony.

“I’ll be right there,” he answered quickly.

“Thank you,” Kei said before putting down the phone.

“What happened to him? Is Tsukishima alright?” Koutarou asked the moment Tetsurou put down the phone.

“He’s okay, but he needs me to be there,” he said, taking his car keys out of his pocket.

“Do you need us to do anything?” Keiji asked.

“Can you watch the shop while I’m gone?”

…

Kei winced in pain when the back of his head accidentally hit the back of the wall. His wound had been treated right away once he and his mother entered the hospital. There was a wound on the back of his head but luckily, it didn’t need any stitches. After being cleaned and dressed, Kei was allowed to stay in the waiting room of the hospital. His mother had gone to the police station where she was required to answer some questions about his father and his possession of illegal drugs. She told him to go to Yamaguchi’s house after he was treated since she was going to take a while in the police station but Kei felt like he needed to see Tetsurou.

He arrived not long after he made the phone call to him. Almost instantly, Kei felt a rush of relief at the sight of him. He stood up despite the dizziness he felt when he did and let Tetsurou wrap his arms around him.

“What happened Kei?” he asked, his voice sounding panicked and out of breath. Tetsurou looked up at the bandages wrapped around Kei’s head. His jaw clenched at the sight.

“It’s nothing serious,” Kei swallowed, lightly touching the bandage with his fingertips. He looked down at the ground and bit his lip.

“Did… did your father do this?” Tetsurou asked in a dangerously calm voice. Kei felt a hard lump in the back of his throat. Even hearing it sounded wrong, but that was only half of what his father really did. The whole truth always was hard to swallow, especially in this case.

“Can we talk somewhere else?” Kei requested. “Like, the roof maybe?”

“Aren’t you supposed to stay seated?” Tetsurou said, gripping his shoulders with both hands. “You have a concussion don’t you? You’ll get dizzy if you move around too much.”

“No, I… I want to go somewhere else,” Kei reasoned. “I just don’t want to stay here. Too many people.” Tetsurou bit his lip as he mulled it over before finally giving in and nodding his head.

“Alright,” he said.

…

Kei kept an arm wrapped around his shoulders to steady himself as they made their way to the roof. Seeing the pale look on his face worried Tetsurou to no end but the determined look on Kei’s face made him continue nonetheless. Finally, the two of them reached the hospital’s empty room. Kei instantly sat down on the concrete floor with his back against the railings on the side. Tetsurou sat next to him, holding his hand. The two of them were quiet as first and he rubbed circles on Kei’s palm while waiting patiently for him to start. Finally, he spoke up.

“Dad did it. But I don’t think this was what he entirely intended to do,” he said. Instantly, Tetsurou felt anger flaring up inside him. What was it with adults and never being able to treat their own children right?

“Did he do anything else to you?” he asked slowly, hearing his own voice tighten. “Did he hurt your mother or anything?”

“No,” Kei shook his head ever so slightly. “But this… this isn’t even the worst part.” Tetsurou noticed the crack in his voice. Kei was staring at the ground with a dazed look on his face. The hand Tetsurou held in his was limp and unmoving. He never saw Kei looking like this before, and it scared the hell out of him.

“Kei…” he said softly. He placed a hand under his chin and tilted his head gently, so as not to bother his head, to make his eyes meet his. “Tell me what happened. I’m here for you,” he coaxed.

“Tetsu…” Kei responded. “He… dad… he was selling weed and… and those things that you smoke. All this time…” His voice wobbled and shook, his face was a mask of pain. “He said he had a job. He _said_ it was  a desk job in a company somewhere but…”

“And he hit you… because you found out?” Tetsurou finished, his hand gripping Kei’s tightly. He knew of Kei’s father’s alcoholism, but he never really thought that he would go for something like drugs as well. And not only did he have it with him, but apparently he must have been selling them too. That made everything more serious and Tetsurou couldn’t imagine what Kei must have thought when he found out.

“He was trying to stop me from telling the police,” Kei answered. “I don’t know where he got it or who he was selling it too but he had it with him. And… and he kept on saying how he was fixing the family by earning money but those were illegal substances. He’s going to jail for that.”

“He is, don’t worry, he is,” Tetsurou reassured him.

“My dad, he… He always told us that he’d never drink or hit us, back when I was young, because his own father did all of those. He didn’t want to be something that he was, but in the end, he became just like him. Do you think he…” Kei paused, hesitated, and then continued, looking up at Tetsurou.

“Do you think I’ll be like him?” he choked out.

“You won’t,” Tetsurou shook his head stiffly. “You’re not going to be like him. You’re… you’re different. You’re responsible and smart and—”

“How do you _know_ Tetsurou?” Kei’s voice shook. “If you had met my dad before you wouldn’t have guessed that he’d turn out like… like _this._ How can you say that that isn’t going to happen to me?! How do you know that I’m not going to be a drunk like he is?!” Kei yelled, his voice raw and painful. His hands shook. Tetsurou felt his mouth open and close as he tried to think of what to say. Kei’s gaze was directed towards him, intense yet expectant, as if waiting for something that he was going to say. But Tetsurou had nothing. He was the one who was betrayed by his father and therefore pushed him away. Kei was betrayed by his father as well, but he was the one who gave him a second chance and was betrayed again.

“I… I don’t know Kei,” Tetsurou said quietly, I don’t know.”

“I hate them… I hate all of them…” Kei shook his head. “I hate my grandfather for being a shitty father to my dad. I hate my dad for becoming like him and for betraying me just when I believed in him. I hate my mom for not doing anything and living with him and letting him ruin our lives. I hate Akiteru for just leaving all of us, for leaving _me_ …” Kei took in a deep breath and stared down at his hands. “But I hate myself most of all. For not doing anything when everything for spiraling out of control. For being blind all this time. I hate—“

“No,” Tetsurou interrupted him by taking hold of his face with both hands and turning his head so that that their eyes met. “Don’t say anything more,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against Kei’s. “I won’t let you say that you hate yourself when I love you so much.”

“You’re not going to turn out like any of them, you hear me?”

“But—“

“No, you’re not,” Tetsurou interrupted him. “Because I’m going to be there for you. When you feel like you’re going to lose yourself, I’ll be the one who’ll pull you back. I want to be someone who’ll stand next to you, always.”

“Tetsurou…” Kei whispered, gently, softly, hesitantly. It felt like a breath of air after being underwater for so long. Tetsurou liked the sound of it. He smiled and stroked Kei’s cheek with the back of his hand.

“I’m getting you out of here,” Tetsurou said. “This town, it has nothing left for you. Your future is out there, not here. I’m getting you to Tokyo.”

“Like what we always talk about?” Kei smiled slightly.

“Yeah,” Tetsurou nodded and grinned. “But this time, it’s actually going to happen. You’d like that, won’t you?”

“I… I would,” Kei said, giving a single nod of his head. Tetsurou took hold of his hand and turned to the right to look at the sky and the sun setting behind them. Kei looked at the sky as well and his fingers intertwined with Tetsurou’s.

…

Kei woke up to the familiar sight of the ceiling in Yamaguchi’s bedroom. He remembered staring up at the same ceiling multiple times when he was a kid when he had sleepovers in his friend’s house. There was a period of time when it happened quite often, caused by his father’s raging, drunk moments. Now, seeing that ceiling felt like a cruel joke to Kei.

He winced slightly as he sat up on the futon laid out on the floor next to Yamaguchi’s bed. The head wound from yesterday still hurt quite a bit and lying down to fall asleep proved difficult. Yamaguchi’s mother gave him three soft pillows to rest his head on. A nice gesture, but Kei ended up using only one pillow and trying to sleep on his side or on his stomach instead.

“Hey, you’re awake already,” Yamaguchi said, suddenly appearing in the doorway of his room still dressed in his pajamas.

“Yeah,” Kei mumbled, reaching for his glasses and sliding them on his face.

“Did you… sleep alright?” Yamaguchi asked, concern written on his face. “Breakfast is already on the table too.”

“Kind of hard having to sleep on my stomach,” Kei answered and stood up to begin packing away the futon. Yamaguchi walked into the room and helped.

“I figured you’d have a hard time,” he chuckled softly. “You always slept on your back, Tsukki. Like a corpse.”

“And you would wake up with half your sheets pulled off the mattress,” Kei answered back, a small smirk on his face. “I remember when I woke up with you sprawled all over the futon.”

“I still can’t believe the fall didn’t wake me up,” Yamaguchi shook his head and placed the pillows on the bed while Kei tucked the rolled up futon away in a closet. When they were done, the two of them made their way to the dining room. It seemed that everyone but the two of them had already eaten since there were only two meals set out on the table. Both Yamaguchi’s parents already left for work, leaving the two of them behind.

“Thanks for the food,” both of them chorused before beginning their breakfast.

“By the way, your Mom called earlier this morning,” Yamaguchi said. “She said that she’s going to your house today, to make sure the police don’t put anything out of order.”

“I see,” Kei nodded. Tetsurou drove him over to Yamaguchi’s house yesterday. Meanwhile, his mother stayed in the police station for a little while longer before going to Yamaguchi’s house to spend the night as well. Yamaguchi’s mother was happy to have them over. Although it seemed that Kei’s mother left right away in the morning. His father, on the other hand, left before the police rushed to their house. The drugs that Kei had found in the box were gone. But it seemed that his father forgot the rest of them, since the police found more stashed in a shoebox inside an office cabinet.

“I think I’ll head over there later too,” Kei decided. “Maybe my mom will need help with some stuff.”

“Do you need me to come along too?” Yamaguchi asked.

“No thanks,” Kei shook his head and then continued to eat. The two of them resumed eating in silence when Yamaguchi spoke up again.

“Hey, I’m really sorry you know…” he said softly. “For what happened. Even I didn’t think that he’d be capable of doing that…”

“Nobody did,” Kei murmured.

“So… what are you going to do now?” Yamaguchi asked.

“I’m still going to Tokyo, that’s for sure,” Kei said with conviction. “I’m getting out of here, but with Mom this time. I’m getting out of this town.”

“If anyone can do it, it’s probably you, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi grinned. Kei smiled slightly and finished the rest of his breakfast.

…

“I can still walk around, you know,” Kei said, rolling his eyes at Tetsurou when he saw him with his car parked in front of Yamaguchi’s house.

“Not with that head,” Tetsurou argued.

“Don’t you have work to do?” Kei crossed his arms.

“Yeah, I’ll just get back to it later,” Tetsurou waved it off and opened the passenger car door for Kei. “Just get in already.”

“Fine,” Kei shrugged and got in. Tetsurou entered through the other side and they were driving down the road a few moments later. Kei noticed how slow Tetsurou was driving and how he tried to avoid road humps as much as possible so that the car wouldn’t move around so much. He smiled to himself at this.

Soon enough, Tetsurou was driving slowly down the street where Kei’s house was. From a distance, Kei found no police cars parked in front of his house so he figured that the police had already finished their business. He was glad for this, he wasn’t in the mood to be interrogated just yet.

But as the car drove closer, Kei noticed that there was someone standing in front of the house. Someone tall, with blonde hair and a lanky frame. Kei squinted at the figure. Something about the way he stood, the way he held himself, reminded him of someone. And it was only when Tetsurou parked the car that Kei finally recognized who it was.

The image of him leaving, walking to the car with his back to him, was still fresh in his memory.

It was Akiteru.

…

“You...” Kei said, his face a mask of complete surprise as he stepped out of the car. His brother turned to him and smiled with one corner of his mouth lifting up. His blonde hair was a little longer and his face a little older, but it was still Akiteru, his older brother. The one who always let him stay inside his room when his father was in one of his moods. The one who left him just when he needed him most. Kei wasn’t sure if he should hug him or punch him in the face.

“You’ve gotten much taller, Kei,” his brother said. “Wow, you’re even taller than me.”

“I… Thanks…” Kei was the only thing he managed to say due to the millions of thoughts inside his head. He heard Tetsurou get out of the car and walk to stand beside him.

“This is your brother, right?” he asked, looking at Kei.

“Yeah,” he nodded in response. “What… why are you here?” he finally managed to ask, taking a step forward.

“I, uh… heard about what happened,” Akiteru answered, rubbing the back of his head. “So I decided to come over to see how you were doing.” Kei felt his jaw clench and his eyebrow twitch in anger.

“Is that it then?” he snapped. “Is that what it takes for you to come back after four years? If Dad got into drugs and became a criminal would you have come sooner?!”

“Kei…” Akiteru bit his lip. “Please… try to understand that—“

“Understand what?” Kei cut him off. “That you were too busy living your new life to actually care about your family when we needed you?” Akiteru’s face crumpled and he squeezed his eyes shut. The moment Kei saw the look on his face he instantly wished that he could take back the words he said. He didn’t deny that he meant all of it, but that wasn’t the only thing he wanted to say. But as usual, his anger got the better of him.

“Maybe we should listen to what he’s trying to say,” he heard Tetsurou say softly as he placed a hand on his shoulder. Kei inhaled a deep breath and tried to calm down.

“I don’t blame you for being mad at me at all,” Akiteru said. “Leaving you and Mom, that wasn’t the right thing to do, I know that. I really was planning to come back sooner but…” A small smile curled itself on his face. “The moment I left this town, I just felt like I could finally breathe. I was free to do whatever I wanted. But while I was happy to leave, I was also too scared to go back.”

“You could have tried calling or something…” Kei murmured, finally having calmed down. “Mom… she was really worried about you.”

“I know…” Akiteru nodded. “But that’s why I’m going to make it up to you, to both of you.” He paused a little bit before saying, “I’m going to get the two of you out of here.” Surprise registered in his mind and Kei searched Akiteru’s face and found complete and utter seriousness. He felt the hand Tetsurou hand on his shoulder squeeze him slightly.

“And you really plan on doing that?” he spoke up. “I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but your father ended up lying to Kei even after saying that. I’m not saying that you’re like him, but if you plan on promising something then you have to follow through until the end.” At the sound of those words, Kei instantly felt a rush of gratitude for Tetsurou and the fact that he knew exactly what to say.

“Are you Kei’s friend?” Akiteru asked, cocking his head curiously at him.

“I… I’m his—“

“Kuroo Tetsurou. He’s my boyfriend,” Kei finished, pressing his lips together. Even though it was his first time seeing Akiteru again after years, he didn’t feel like he needed to hide that particular detail. A look of mild surprise appeared on his brother’s face but he didn’t make such a big deal out of it.

“I see then,” he nodded. “He seems to care a lot about you too,” he smiled slightly.

“I do,” Tetsurou said. “So, can you answer my question then?”

“Yes, I am serious about it,” Akiteru said, looking directly at Kei. “Ever since I began planning to get out of here, I was also thinking about taking you and even Mom with me. But I wanted to actually do it once I got my feet on the ground first. I couldn’t just drag us all the way to the city only to have us live in the same condition we were living in before. You understand that, right?”

“I know,” Kei murmured.

“I just graduated a few months ago actually,” Akiteru smiled slightly. “And I heard you got into Tokyo on a scholarship. I always knew you were smart but I didn’t think you were _that_ crazily smart,” he chuckled. Kei was slightly surprised that Akiteru knew that but he quickly guessed that maybe his Mom was the one who called him to come back after what happened and also included that detail as well.

“Hey, do you want to… talk inside or something?” Akiteru added. “Mom’s inside too, right?”

“Sure,” Kei shrugged.

“I’ll stay here then,” Tetsurou said.

“You can come with us too if you want,” Kei told him.

“I’m alright here,” Tetsurou shook his head and smiled at him. “You guys need some catching up to do too.”

“We won’t be long then.” Kei gave his hand a squeeze before he and Akiteru walked past the front yard and into the house. The police didn’t seem to leave much in disarray, something Kei was immensely glad to see. His mother wasn’t in the kitchen or the dining room so he headed for his parents’ bedroom, guessing that she was just there.

“Mom?” he asked, knocking on the door before opening it to find his mother sitting on the edge of the bed, staring off into space. She looked up the moment Kei entered but her eyes widened in surprise once she saw Akiteru standing behind him.

“Aki…” she breathed out, instantly standing up from her spot on the bed. Kei stepped aside to let Akiteru walk in.

“Hey Mom,” he said softly, standing a few feet away from her. To Kei’s surprise, his mother quickly wrapped her arms around him.

“Thank God, you’re back…” she cried.

“Y-you’re not angry?” Akiteru asked, looking just as surprised as Kei felt at their mother’s reaction. But then again, she was his son. It was perfectly understandable that she’d react that way even after what Akiteru had done.

“I’ll be angry with you later,” his mother laughed, pulling away from him teary-eyed. “For now, I’m just happy that you’re back.”

“Akiteru said that he’s planning to get us out of here,” Kei brought up, stepping closer to the two of them.

“Y-you… you are?” his mother stuttered in surprise. “But, are we prepared for the move? We have to bring our things and find a house and… do you know that Kei got into Tokyo also?”

“I’ve got it all covered,” Akiteru smiled reassuringly.

“You have a job and everything?” Kei asked him.

“Well, I majored in Graphic Design in college,” Akiteru answered. “And I do have a job already. A magazine company hired me to help in doing their layouts. I don’t have a really high position right now so my salary is just manageable, but I’m working hard to earn a promotion and hopefully a raise soon. The office is in Tokyo too so I’ve been looking for apartments too.”

“And I can get a job at a hospital there,” his mother nodded. “This… this might actually work.”

“I can get a part-time job too,” Kei spoke up. “So that we have—“

“Oh hell no,” Akiteru interrupted him. “You need to concentrate on your studies to maintain that scholarship. Mom and I will take care of everything.”

“I’m not a child anymore,” Kei mumbled.

“We don’t have too many things,” his mother said. “So moving won’t be that hard. And we can sell some stuff to get more money.”

“And then we’ll get out of here,” Akiteru finished, smiling broadly at the two of them. “And this time, we’ll be doing it together.”

“We will,” his mother agreed. She gripped Akiteru’s hand. “As a family.”

‘As a family…’ Kei repeated the words in his head as he watched his mother hug Akiteru again. There was a smile on her face, tired but relieved smile. This was also something he wanted for a long time. But after what happened with his father, Kei knew that there was a drawback to everything. This time, the drawback was clear and evident in his mind.

He was going to have to leave Tetsurou behind.

…

Tetsurou sat in the driver’s seat of his car, listening to music from his favorite radio station. He was staring at Kei’s house and wondering what was happening inside. There were a million things that could go wrong and Tetsurou couldn’t stop worrying about those possibilities. But for now, he was actually glad that Tsukishima Akiteru actually came over.

Tetsurou quickly drove back to Vinyl where Keiji and Koutarou were still waiting after dropping Kei off yesterday. Immediately, he ordered Keiji to look up Tsukishima Akiteru online to get ahold of any means to contact him. Tetsurou didn’t have any social media accounts since he never knew how to actually work them but Keiji did, and in a few minutes he found his email address. After sending him an email containing news of what happened to his family and the number of the town’s police station for him to verify the information, Akiteru confirmed that he was going home. And after seeing him just a few minutes ago, Tetsurou felt as if a huge weight was lifted off his chest.

This was Kei’s ticket out of town.

Tetsurou felt his chest squeeze slightly as soon as he saw Kei leave the house. He watched him quietly as he walked towards the truck. Tetsurou always loved watching the way Kei moved, even when he was just doing something as simple as walking. There was confidence in his steps but with minimal swinging in his arms. His blonde hair was shining in the sunlight, his skin smooth and pale against the dark jeans and blue t-shirt.

He looked so beautiful. Tetsurou felt his hands itch for a sketching pad as he watched him, his eyes trying to preserve the image in his head because he knew that this was probably one of the last times he was going to see Tsukishima Kei.

He opened the door to the truck and got in, sitting beside Tetsurou on the passenger’s seat. Slowly yet deliberately, he explained everything to him, picking his words carefully. Tetsurou knew how uneasy he was judging by the way his hands clenched and unclenched. When Kei finished, Tetsurou put on a smile and nodded, saying that he understood everything.

He wasn’t surprised at all when Kei said he was going to leave.

 

**|Two Weeks Later|**

Tetsurou loaded the box carefully into the van’s trunk and stepped aside as Akiteru shut it. “Last box, right?” Tetsurou asked, mopping the sweat off his forehead with his shirtsleeve.

“Yeah,” Akiteru nodded in confirmation. “Thanks again for helping us out and everything,” he smiled.

“It’s no problem. You guys need all the help you can get,” Tetsurou shrugged.

“Wait, one last box.” Tetsurou turned around to find Kei walking towards the van, carrying a box full of records with him. Akiteru opened the trunk again and let his brother place the box inside before shutting it for the second time.

“You have more records than you have clothes,” Akiteru chuckled and playfully messed up his hair. Kei scowled and elbowed him in the ribs. Tetsurou watched the interaction between the two of them with a bemused smile on his face. Even though he barely showed it through facial expressions, Tetsurou could tell how happy Kei was that his brother was around. Calling him over really was the right choice.

“I’ll just go back inside to help Mom with anything else she needs,” Akiteru said before jogging off into the house, leaving Tetsurou and Kei alone together. It took them two weeks to sell most of their belongings and get a place ready for them in Tokyo. To Tetsurou, it seemed like a pretty long time at first. But before he knew it, the days had sped by and now he found himself standing in front of Kei, searching for his last words to say to him before he left.

“So, I guess this is it then,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and putting on a crooked smile on his face.

“Yeah,” Kei nodded and kicked at the ground with his worn-out sneakers. “I’ll come visit though, when I can. As soon as I get a break, I’ll come over here.” He looked up at Tetsurou with wide, serious eyes.

“Of course,” Tetsurou nodded. “And I’ll be right here.” Managing the record store, like always.

“And I’ll call you when I get a chance. I promise,” Kei added.

“Geez, now you’re sounding like an overly-attached girlfriend,” Tetsurou rolled his eyes playfully. Kei’s eyebrows twitched in annoyance but Tetsurou chuckled and pulled him into a hug. He never minded the height difference between him and Kei. For him, it was the perfect height to bury his face in the crook between Kei’s neck and shoulder.

“I’m going to miss you though…” Tetsurou mumbled, his tone switching from playful to serious.

“Me too,” Kei said, encircling his waist with his arms and pressing his cheek against Tetsurou’s hair. Now that he was about to leave, Tetsurou found himself treasuring every little small moment he spent with Kei, trying to drink in everything before he was gone. Right now, he was paying attention to how perfectly he and Kei fit together in the position they were in, like two connected puzzle pieces.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Tetsurou pulled apart almost reluctantly. “I made you another mixtape.”

“Another mixtape?” Kei repeated incredulously. Tetsurou nodded and pulled the CD out of his jacket pocket before handing it to him.

“It was supposed to be a graduation gift, but I guess it’s a goodbye gift now,” he said as Kei turned the CD over in his hands.

“’Moving On,’” he read the title out loud. “The title really does fit the situation right now.” A soft, sad smile curled on his lips. Tetsurou felt as if his chest was being squeezed. If making him a mixtape made him smile like that, Tetsurou was ready to make a million of them.

“I have a gift for you too,” Kei said. He tucked the CD carefully in his jacket pocket before opening the trunk of the car. He reached into one of the boxes and pulled out a record before handing it to Tetsurou. Once he flipped it over to look at the cover, he looked up at Kei in confusion.

“Bookends?” he asked. “Isn’t this—“

“No,” Kei shook his head, interrupting him. “That’s my old copy.” Tetsurou looked down again at the record and saw that it didn’t look brand new at all. The edges were slightly bent and the front cover had a fine layer of dust on it.

“So, that means…” Tetsurou’s eyes widened in realization. “That day when I tried to guess what you were buying, it wasn’t this one.”

“No,” Kei smiled and shook his head.

“So… why did you lie about it then?” Tetsurou asked.

“Because, this record was the one Akiteru gave me on the day that he left,” Kei said quietly. “It meant a lot to me, it was the only thing I listened to for weeks after he left. And when I saw you give it to me, I just thought that it was a sign. I was pretty confused about my feelings for you then though, but I still wanted to date you.”

“And you’re giving it to me?” Tetsurou ran his fingers gently over the cover. He looked up at Kei and tried to hand the record back. “Your brother gave it, I can’t have this.”

“I want to give it to you,” Kei shook his head and closed his hands over Tetsurou’s, gently pushing the record towards him. “Please, take it.”

“Thank you,” Tetsurou smiled at him. He leaned forward and closed the space between their lips. Kei responded almost immediately, gently resting his hand against Tetsurou’s cheek and pulling him towards him.

“Play the record at night,” Kei whispered, their foreheads pressed against each other as soon as their lips parted. “Turn off all your lights but have a single candle next to you. As you listen to the music, stare into the candle’s fire and you’ll see your future.”

“Is that like a special superstition kind of thing?” Tetsurou joked.

“No, it’s just something my brother told me,” Kei smiled. He leaned forward and kissed Tetsurou again. The kiss was slow and drawn out, Tetsurou tried to remember every single detail of Kei’s lips, committing all of them to memory. His chest hurt a lot now. He began to regret calling Akiteru’s attention over to get his family out of town and bring them to Tokyo. But that was the best option available for Kei, and what’s best for him was the most important thing.

When they parted, the details Tetsurou tried to remember about the taste and feel of Kei’s lips disappeared. The door to their house opened and Akiteru and his mother came out, both of them heading towards the car. Kei’s mother, who only met Tetsurou earlier that day, gave him a smile and a ‘thank you’ before entering the passenger seat of the van.

“Thanks again for helping out,” Akiteru smiled and shook his hand. The two of them exchanged a knowing glance and an almost imperceptible nod before Akiteru let go and sat in the driver’s seat of the van.

“I’ll come visit, okay?” Kei said again, gripping Tetsurou’s hand tightly in his, as if he didn’t want to let go himself.

“I know you will,” he said, nodding at him. He ran out of energy to put on another fake smile. He let go of Kei’s hand and stood to the side as Kei got into the backseat of the van. The engine switched on. Kei poked his head out of the window, his eyes staring directly at Tetsurou. Neither of them said anything, but the looks in their eyes were more than enough to express what they were feeling. Tetsurou hugged the record to his chest and watched as the truck drove away, further and further and further until it was out of sight.

…

They reached Tokyo after about six hours of driving. Kei listened to music throughout the whole car ride, but not the one from Tetsurou’s mixtape. He was saving that for later.

The apartment they were going to live in was only a bus ride away from the university. Their room was on the third floor and after carrying boxes several times up and down the flights of stairs, Kei was more than ready to shower and go to sleep but their mom insisted on eating dinner first to celebrate their move.

The apartment room was smaller than their old house, but just big enough for the three of them to live in. There were two bedrooms, one for their mother and another for Kei and Akiteru to share, a bathroom that had a tub and shower area, a small kitchen, and a dining room that functioned as a living room as well. Kei brought his things to the room he was staying in and packed them away while his mother cooked dinner.

After a meal of beef ramen and a shower, Kei was dressed and ready for bed. Akiteru was already in their bedroom, busy covering the mattresses with clean bedsheets. “Are you taking the top bunk or the bottom bunk?” he asked when Kei walked in.

“I’m okay with either,” he shrugged, taking his CD player, headphones, and Tetsurou’s mixtape out of his backpack.

“I’ll take the top bunk then.” Akiteru tossed a couple of pillows to his bunk before climbing up. “Turn the light off too please,” he reminded him.

“Yeah.” Kei turned off the lights and felt his way back to the bottom bunk before lying down on the mattress. It didn’t feel that different from his old bed at home, except maybe for the fact that he was staring at the wooden bottom of Akiteru’s bunk instead of at the peeling paint of the ceiling in his room. Above, his brother tossed and turned a couple of times before finally settling into a sleeping position.

As soon as Kei lay down, he knew that sleep wasn’t going to come easily for him that night. Besides the squeezing in his chest that he felt ever since he left Tetsurou earlier, he also had a weird feeling in his stomach that was bothering him. The weird feeling was basically a mix of apprehension, anxiety, and excitement. It wasn’t the first time he felt it, however. Kei didn’t have a name for that particular feeling, but he knew it was connected to a sense of unfamiliarity at a sudden change in his surroundings.

‘Calm down, Kei,’ he told himself, sucking in a deep breath and putting his headphones on. ‘You’ll get used to it soon.’ Slowly and gently, he opened the plastic CD case before opening his CD player and putting it inside. All of this he did without having to look. After pressing play, Kei closed his eyes and folded his hands over his stomach, waiting patiently for the first song he was always excited about.

He instantly recognized it once he heard the introduction.

_I don’t like walking around this old and empty house_

_So hold my hand and I’ll walk with you my dear_

Kei felt a hard lump in the back of his throat but he smiled despite what he felt on the inside. The first song was Little Talks, one of his favorite songs from Of Monsters and Men’s ‘My Head is an Animal’ album. Tetsurou sure knew him well.

That was the main difference between Tokyo and his old house, the fact that he would no longer be able to see Tetsurou whenever he wanted to. He wondered what he was doing now and if he started listening to the Bookends record Kei left him. He wondered if he was lighting a candle.

_And though the truth may vary this_

_Ship will carry our body safe to shore_

Kei always wanted to leave the town that he grew up in. But now that he had left, he was beginning to miss it in a way that he never thought he would. He missed hanging out in Yamaguchi’s house. He missed seeing him and Yachi together. He missed the smart conversations he had with Akaashi. Heck, he even missed Kageyama and Hinata’s constant bickering and Bokuto’s terrible puns. Now, Kei wished that time would stand still so that he could revisit all those times and learn to appreciate them more before he realized that he would miss them.

But time does not stand still. Time goes on and places change and people change no matter what. Kei’s life was in a new place now, and the town and its people would continue through life without him. He hoped that Yamaguchi and Yachi and Bokuto and Akaashi would continue to stay together as couples. He hoped that Kageyama and Hinata would finally realize their feelings for each other.

_You’re gone, gone, gone away I watched you disappear_

_All that’s left is the ghost of you_

Lastly, Kei thought about the warmth of Tetsurou’s body and how it fit well in his arms, the feeling of his lips moving against his. That was what he would miss the most. Kei felt as if that was the place where he truly belonged, in Tetsurou’s arms. Kei remembered  what Tetsurou said two weeks ago when they were standing on the hospital roof. ‘I want to be the one who’ll stand next to you, always.’

_Now we’re torn, torn, torn apart there’s nothing we can do_

‘Then why aren’t you here now?’ Kei thought. But he was the one who left. He was the one who asked for it, and in the end, he got it.

_Just let me go we’ll meet again soon_

The ache in his chest was even stronger now, Kei wanted to yell aloud in pain. Something cool and wet trickled down the sides of his face. Kei touched them lightly and found that they were tears. He held his fingers to the corners of his eyes and discovered that that’s where they were coming rom.

‘I’m… crying…’ he thought as the tears began to flow more freely down the sides of his face. Kei was slightly stunned by this, he hadn’t cried in a long time, but here he was. And he realized now that it wasn’t just because he was missing Tetsurou, even though he was missing him terribly, but because of everything that happened to him. He cried for the father he trusted and lost. He cried for the brother he found. He cried for the friends he had to leave behind. He cried for the new future he was looking forward to.

_Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around_

In the darkness, Kei bit his hand to stop himself from making any sound. And when he was spent and tired from crying, he closed his eyes and let the mixtape, the last thing he had from Tetsurou, swallow him up.

_I’ll see you when I fall asleep_

…

Tetsurou set the record carefully down on the record player and gently placed the needle on top of it. The lights in his small apartment were already turned off and there was no source of light except for the candle on his desk. Tetsurou sat on his chair and leaned forward on his desk, staring at the candle. The first thing he heard was the sound of guitar strings being plucked in time to a slow, sad melody. After that first piece came a few more songs. He didn’t think they were all that good and he wondered if this really was the kind of music that Kei liked. But he continued, because it was one of the last things Kei asked of him.

The answer came to him when he heard the song after Old Friends. He heard the same, sad melody played in the first piece, and then, the actual song.

_Time it was and what a time it was, it was_

The voices sung a slow melody, a compliment to the guitar instrumental played in the background. Tetsurou felt his breath catch in his throat. As a music fan, he had heard a lot of good songs but only a fraction of amazing songs. Sometimes, when he listened to music while driving, he would come across a song he’d never heard before on the radio. On rare cases, he’d know after only the first verse that the song was an amazing song and he’d pull over and stop the car just to listen to it without interruption. Then, he’d look for the song and listen to it again and again and again just to surround himself with the music.

_A time of innocence, a time of confidences_

After hearing only the first few words, Tetsurou knew that it was an amazing song, and he knew that this was the song that Kei really meant for him to listen. He turned his head slightly and looked directly at the candle flame, watching it waver and dance in the air.

_Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph_

But before he knew it, his eyes blurred with tears and so his vision of the candle became blurry as well. Instead of looking away or rubbing the tears from his eyes, he let them flow slowly down his cheeks as he kept his focus on the candle flame. And then he saw it.

_Preserve your memory_

He saw his father smiling at him as he was lifted up in the air. He saw his Uncle Makoto and heard the words that meant his father was never coming back. He saw his mother, beautiful and smiling, despite the worry and exhaustion painted on her face. He saw the first sketch he ever made. He saw Koutarou and Keiji, sitting across him on the rooftop as they eat lunch. He saw first stages of the painting he was trying to perfect. He saw his mother, looking more tired day by day, and heard the sound of her wheezing breath. He saw Uncle Makoto and heard the words that meant his mother was never coming back. He saw his painting and the slashes he made through the canvas.

_It’s all that’s left of you_

And then, he saw Kei, a tall, blonde-haired boy with glasses who came regularly to his shop to buy a CD or a record. He saw him standing in front of the counter in the convenience store, a pained expression on his face and a bruise on his chin. He saw him standing in front of Vinyl, his right eyebrow twitching in annoyance as he read the pun on the ‘Help Wanted’ sign posted on the window. He saw him sitting on the sidewalk in front of him as he bandaged his hands, his blonde hair gleaming in the light cast by the streetlamp overhead. He saw him holding the Bookends record in his hands, looking uncomfortable as he asked him when their date was going to be. He saw him in the truck, his eyes closed and his mouth open as he screamed. He saw the smile on his face after he asked Tetsurou to kiss him in the back of the truck. He saw his face staring down at him, his voice telling him to stop.

Lastly, Tetsurou remembered the two of them sitting on the hospital roof together two weeks ago. He saw the look of anguish, pain and confusion on Kei’s face, and the sound of his voice that was close to breaking. Tetsurou made a promise to him on that day, didn’t he? A promise that he would stand by his side.

The song was heading towards the outro now and only the guitar could be heard. Tetsurou was still staring at the candle, blinking the tears out of his eyes. He didn’t know if it really was the song, the candle, or the both that caused it, but one thing was for sure.

He knew what he was going to do.

**|Two Months Later|**

“Here,” Tetsurou said, pressing the shop door keys in Keiji’s hand. “I’d get multiple copies if I were you. You know how Koutarou tends to lose keys.”

“Believe me, I know,” Keiji rolled his eyes and pocketed the keys.

“Hey! I find them sometimes!” Koutarou protested.

“Of course you do,” Tetsurou chuckled.

“So, I guess you really are leaving then,” Keiji said, watching Tetsurou load the last box of his things into the back of the pick-up truck before pulling a large tarpaulin cover over them.

“Yeah,” Tetsurou nodded, tying the edge of the tarpaulin down. He looked up at Keiji and Koutarou who were standing in front of the shop. Koutarou chewed on his lip. Tetsurou walked towards him first and gave his best friend a hug.

“I’ll call you, okay? I’m not going to be gone forever,” Tetsurou chuckled, feeling Koutarou’s arms wrap tightly around his body.

“I know,” Koutarou nodded. “It’s just… not going to be the same with having you around. You always laugh at my jokes…”

“You can text them to me,” Tetsurou said, pulling away from him. “I finally figured out how to use a cellphone after all.” For years, he only used the telephone in Vinyl to call his friends. Mostly because he couldn’t actually afford to buy himself a cellphone nor did he see the sense in having one.

“It’s not the same if I don’t hear you laugh,” Koutarou pouted. “But then, I guess you should have done this a long time ago…” he said in a quieter voice as he looked up at the loaded truck.

“Best of luck to you,” Keiji said, resorting to simply shaking Tetsurou’s hand. Tetsurou did just that, but he went in for a hug as well.

“You too. Take care of the shop for me, and Koutarou,” he teased.

“I’m pretty sure the latter one would require more care,” Keiji said in a deadpan voice. Tetsurou laughed. He was going to miss Keiji’s dry, sarcastic humor. He pulled away from him and stepped back, looking up at the store he’d practically spent his whole childhood in. There was a hard lump in the back of his throat.

He had spent the last two months after Kei left sorting through his artworks and compiling the best ones into folders. In addition to that, he also tried exploring different styles and drawing more to add them in order to boost his portfolio. After that, Tetsurou sent them to various animation studios that needed artists to draw backgrounds for them, something he was fairly certain he could do.

Even after being rejected multiple times, Tetsurou got back on his feet with the help of Koutarou and Keiji. He hadn’t told Kei about it yet, he hadn’t really planned to. But finally, after weeks of waiting, an animation studio in Osaka finally accepted him. Tetsurou packed the rest of his things in a few weeks, collected his savings, and gave Vinyl to Keiji and Koutarou to take care of while he was gone.

He was doing it, he was finally leaving town. But there were a lot of things he had to leave behind as well. Like the store that gave him so many memories. Like the friends he had for so long.

“Do you think that this is the right decision?” Tetsurou asked, biting his lip and looking up at the two of them.

“We’ve been through this already,” Keiji said. “You should go for it, this is a huge chance for you to get somewhere with your art. And you’ve worked hard for it to. You have the skills, you have the funds, it’s the perfect time to get started.”

“What about you, Kou?” Tetsurou looked at his friend. “What do you think?”

Koutarou smiled at him. “Honestly, even I’m not sure if it is a good decision or not, you’ll never know until you try. Trying can be scary and most of the time it doesn’t work. But, taking that one big step instead of not taking a step at all is the one that’s going to help you grow more,” he said.

“You know, you do say the right things sometimes,” Keiji smiled at him with a hint of pride. Koutarou smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head.

“Thanks, you two,” Tetsurou said, smiling at the two of them. “I… I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for you. Take care of yourselves. I know from personal experience that even the best relationships sometimes fall apart. But when I look at you two, I think you guys are going to be alright.” Both of his friends smiled back at him. Keiji with a small, shy one on his face and Koutarou with a huge, grin. Tetsurou got into the car and turned on the engine.

“When Kei comes back… you’ll give him my message, right?” Tetsurou asked, leaning out of the window.

“We will,” Keiji nodded.

“Call us if your car breaks down on the way,” Koutarou waved.

“Don’t worry, this thing has been through worse,” Tetsurou patted the side of his door. And after one final wave, he drove off, leaving behind the town he grew up and heading for a new life. Tetsurou wasn’t tied down, he never was. He was just scared to take a chance. But now, he had a reason to take that chance. And he was driving straight towards it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luckily, nothing happened that resulted in any of my chapters being accidentally deleted. I was super careful this time about not falling asleep on my laptop. This turned out really long though O_O
> 
> Anyway, make sure you read the last chapter too because that's where everything ties together!


	12. Fast Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You've got a fast car, is it fast enough so we can fly away?
> 
> We gotta make a decision, we leave tonight or live and die this way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, last chapter you guys. I feel kind of emotional right now...
> 
> I never really meant to write this fic at all and I only got the idea for it after reading the comments on my Fast Car one-shot in Bundled Up Together and how people said I should continue it and everything. So now, here's the last chapter. I didn't expect that it would be more than 70k words honestly (O_O).
> 
> So anyway, here it is. I know last chapter was a cliffhanger but I tried to tie up as much loose ends here as possible. I really hope you guys like it.

**|Now|**

Kei and his family adjusted to their new life in Tokyo quite well. His mother found a job in a hospital only a bus ride away that gave quite a suitable salary, being a private city hospital and all that, and Akiteru seemed to enjoy his job in the company he was working for. Kei attended college two months after they moved in. He decided not to stay in a dorm on campus to save on costs, and besides, he liked staying with his family. For now, he was still unsure about the major he wanted to pursue so he decided to take the liberal arts program instead. Even after attending school for only one week, he quickly found that class was new and exciting. Kei liked the feeling of being challenged and being around some tough competition, even though he usually didn’t show it. He made new acquaintances but he still missed his old friends. And most of all, he missed Tetsurou.

And that’s why he decided to pay his old town a visit.

After riding a bus, then a train and then another bus, he found himself seeing the same buildings he grew up around and passed by every day when he lived there. Nostalgia or melancholy weren’t exactly what he felt as he passed by them. But he did hold some kind of hope in his chest that maybe the town changed a little bit why he was gone. It wasn’t realistic of him to think that way though. Nothing had changed. What did he expect? He was only gone for two months.

Part of him also hoped that he’d see his old friends again while he was visiting. Again, he was disappointed because he knew that all of them had left town as well. Hinata and Kageyama got into a university somewhere in Miyagi through a sports scholarship. Yachi and Yamaguchi both got into Sofia University, to Yamaguchi’s surprise and delight, which was much farther from here than Tokyo was. Funny how the four of them were still more or less together once all of them parted. The thought stabbed at him.

‘At least Bokuto and Akaashi are still here,’ Kei said to himself, using that thought instead to propel him forward as he headed to his destination. And Tetsurou…

He wasn’t around when Kei called up Vinyl last week. Which was weird, since he never missed a single call from him. If he had a new shift at work he would have reminded Kei too. It was a small thing but it nagged at him day by day. What if Tetsurou found someone new? What if he didn’t want to talk to him anymore?

‘You’re overthinking again,’ he shook his head to try and clear away those thoughts. That was one of the reasons why he decided to come back, apart from the fact that he missed him terribly.

Vinyl looked the same as it had been two months ago, right before Kei left. Before walking inside the store, his eyes glossed over the area in the shop window where the ‘Help Wanted’ sign used to be placed. He remembered the day when he stood right in front of the shop early in the morning before it opened, waiting to talk to the manager. The memory brought a smile to his face and being in front of the shop made his heart race a little. He sucked in a deep breath and opened the door to greet…

“Tsukishima?”

“…Bokuto…” Kei said, the tone of his voice sounding somewhat disappointed. Instead of seeing Tetsurou, it was Bokuto who was stationed behind the counter. But still, the familiar face did make Kei feel a little happier.

“TSUKIHIMA!!” Bokuto said again, in a much louder, enthusiastic voice. He practically ran out from behind the counter and tackled Kei into a rib-crushing, bear hug.

“Tsukishima! You’re back! I knew you were coming back!” he cried, swaying Kei’s squeezed body left and right.

“Y-yeah… Please… put me down already…” he gasped. Bokuto let go of him and Kei sucked in a breath. Bokuto grinned wildly at him, Kei was forced to put on an exasperated smile. “Is it just you right now? Where are the others?” he asked.

“Keiji has class right now so I’m taking over for him. And Tetsu…” Bokuto trailed off and looked away with a sad expression on his face, as if he didn’t want to tell Kei what he was supposed to say.

“Has… has he found someone new?” he swallowed, dreading the answer.

“No, no it’s not that,” Bokuto shook his head. “It’s… well, he left town.”

“So, what time is he coming back?” Kei frowned. Bokuto was sounding more melodramatic than usual at his friend being gone for only a little while.

“Kei, it’s not that kind of ‘leaving town,’” Bokuto said softly. “He’s left for good.”

Kei felt his own mouth drop open slightly and he instantly closed it when he realized how stupid it must have made it look. “You mean… you mean he’s—“

“He packed up all of his things and left town. For good,” Bokuto continued. “He gave the shop to Keiji to manage and everything.”

Kei felt a hard lump in the back of his throat. That was one thing he didn’t expect. Instantly, all his plans for that afternoon and the conversations he was going to have with Tetsurou went down the drain. All of a sudden, he felt stupid for even coming back to town. He didn’t mind Tetsurou too much. But what did hurt was the fact that he didn’t tell Kei about it all, that he didn’t bother to share that major piece of information with him.

“Do you… do you know when he’s coming back?” Kei asked, looking at Bokuto. “Do you know how long he’ll be gone?”

“Listen, I know you’re upset and everything about coming back and not seeing him,” Bokuto reassured him. “But before you judge him for what he did, I think you should know the reason why he left.” He laid his hand on Kei’s shoulder and smiled at him.

“So… why did he leave then?” Kei asked. “Why did he leave without telling me?”

“After you left, Tetsurou started going through his old artworks and sorting them together. He said he was making a portfolio,” Bokuto explained. “Then he sent them to a bunch of animation studios to apply for a job.” He looked up at Kei and grinned when he saw his reaction.

“I know, right? Even Keiji and I were surprised by it.”

“He… did all of that?” Kei mumbled. “So, he got into one of them, right?”

“He sure did!” Bokuto said enthusiastically. “He looked so surprised when he found out but he did make it into one. So after that, he packed up all of his things and drove to Osaka.” Kei felt a sense of pride blooming in him. He knew just how much art meant to Tetsurou and how discouraged he felt after his mother died. Having him apply to an animation studio and get accepted was a tremendous step for him. But then…

“So, why didn’t he tell me about this?” he asked. “He could have left a phone call for me or something…”

“He didn’t want you to worry about him,” Bokuto said softly. “Even though he never told me or Keiji directly, we could tell that he no longer wanted to interfere with your life while you were in Tokyo. He… Tetsu… felt that he should do this by himself.”

“So…” Kei swallowed. “Does that mean that he’s… leaving me?” To him, it certainly felt like it since Tetsurou didn’t tell him about it.

“No Tsukishima, god, he’d never break up with you,” Bokuto hastily shook his head. “Tetsu loves you too much to do that.”

“So why didn’t he tell me then?” Kei bit his bottom lip to stop it from shaking. He wanted so badly for Tetsurou to be there. How could he just suddenly leave right before Kei came back?

“Tetsurou, he’s the kind of person who hated owing people something,” Bokuto said, looking far ahead instead of at Kei as if he was remembering something. “Even when we were in high school. He hated it when I treated him to a drink for a vending machine. He’d either buy one himself or pay for it soon after. When it came to presents, he never asked for anything extravagant. Usually, he never asked for anything at all.

“I think Tetsurou felt that he owed you too much,” he added, looking at Kei this time. “After his mother died, Tetsurou wasn’t the same. He’d sing sometimes but have no heart in them. He’d smile even when he didn’t exactly mean it. He stopped drawing at all. Keiji and I tried everything, we thought our best friend was gone from us.

“Then you came into his life, and we could see the old Tetsurou that we knew slowly come back to us. To be honest, it’s kind of frustrating that you managed to bring him back just by being there while Keiji and I had tried to do that for three years. You… you changed him, Tsukishima. And I know Tetsurou loves you for that.

“So when he left, I think Tetsurou was thinking about you,” Bokuto continued. “I think, he felt that since you’ve always been strong for him, he wanted to be strong for you too, and therefore, he had to take a big step for himself. That’s how he’s thinking of ‘repaying’ you, by being your strength the way you were his. He’s not trying to forget you. He’s trying to make himself a better person for you.”

…

‘Is it true then?’ Kei asked as he recalled everything that Bokuto said earlier that day as he rode the bus home. He always thought that Tetsurou was the strong one in their relationship because Kei felt that he needed him more than Tetsu needed him. And then, he remembered that day when Tetsurou’s father came back, when Tetsu himself began punching and kicking the side of the truck out of frustration. He remembered the way Tetsurou’s arms wrapped tightly around him as he sat down on the ground with his back against the pick-up truck. That moment was when he realized that Tetsurou needed him just as much.

Then, the memory of the two of them standing on top of the hospital roof flashed through his head. Tetsurou promised that he would always stand beside him. Was this what ‘standing beside’ someone meant? Sharing their strengths?

The two of them had always shared their strengths. But now, Kei realized just how young and inexperienced the two of them were. The town they’ve lived in was the only world they’ve ever known. Their families and friends, both having good and bad aspects, were the only people they’ve ever been around. But now, they both had the chance of seeing the world outside, of meeting the people outside and knowing what it’s like to live. They were saying goodbye, but hopefully it wasn’t going to be permanent.

Kei looked down at the note in his hand, torn from a page in the accounting notebook. Written on it was the Tetsurou’s new cellphone number in Bokuto’s messy handwriting. It was Kei’s last official link to Tetsurou and he held on to it like a lifeline. But he wasn’t going to use it just yet.

The two of them needed time. Time to grow, time to explore, time to find who they are. And maybe, once they were done with all of that, they would be able reconnect and find each other again, like ships searching the wide, vast oceans. By that time, they would have seen the world and found themselves. By that time, they would be better people and better strengths for each other.

But hopefully, the love they have will still remain the same.

 

**|Four Years Later|**

“I really I wish I listened to you…” Tetsurou whispered. There was no reply, no sign that his mother heard him. But as soon as he said those words, he began to feel the guilt slowly seep away. Now that he thought about it, it’s been seeping away for quite a while now, ever since he left town. Everything he’s been doing, moving away, getting a new job, living by himself, has managed to make Tetsurou appreciate himself a little more. Even though it didn’t completely erase the guilt he felt, it was still something to hold onto.

The words came out easier after that.

“I tried to fix things as much as possible, actually,” Tetsurou said, bending down to sit on the grass in front of the gravestone. “I got into a slump of course, after you died and everything, and it was really hard to get myself out of it. It felt as if I was frozen in place but everyone else, my friends especially, were the only ones moving forward. And I hated myself for it.

“And then…” a small smile came up on his face as Tetsurou began to remember. “And then I met someone. He’s a he, actually, I was pretty surprised myself too. Never thought I was gay but that didn’t really matter. His name’s Kei, and I love  him…” Tetsurou paused for a while before continuing.

“He came to Vinyl a lot while I was working there. The first time I actually talked to him though was at a convenience store. It’s a long story…” Tetsurou paused again, wondering if it was weird for him to talk to a gravestone. But he knew people in movies did it all the time, so he shrugged and relaxed into a better position before continuing.

“I guess you have all the time in the world then, don’t you Mom?” he smiled. And then he began to tell her everything. How he stroke up his first conversation with him, how he they got to know each other more, how he fell for him, and how he lost him.

“It’s been four years since I last saw him,” Tetsurou said, running a hand through his unruly hair. “I know it seems like he left me, but I think I left him as well. I kind of left him my phone number actually, and I think he got the hint that he was going to call me once we were… I don’t know… ready to face each other I guess? But that was up to him to decide. And so far… he hasn’t called so I guess he isn’t ready. Or… he doesn’t want to see me again…” Tetsurou bit his lip and started fiddling with the blades of grass on the ground, pulling them out and tearing them in half to give his hands something to do.

“Hopefully it’s not the latter option…”

…

“So what time are you coming over later again?” Yamaguchi asked over the phone.

“I’ll be leaving here at around five so I might get there pretty late,” Kei answered. His phone was pressed between his shoulder and cheek as he wrote on a clipboard. “You can go ahead and have dinner without me.”

“Okay, I’ll just tell mom to leave it out for you,” Yamaguchi said.

“I hope I don’t walk in on the two of you making out in your room,” Kei teased.

“Oh god Tsukki. Don’t go there,” Yamaguchi groaned. “She’ll be staying in the guest room anyway.”

“Glad to hear that,” Kei smirked and put the clipboard down to so that he could get a better grip on his phone. “Anyway, I’ll see you later, okay? Have to get back to work now.”

“Alright. See you Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said before hanging up. Kei slipped his phone back into his pocket and continued looking over the clipboard with the patient’s records. After taking a liberal arts education for one year in university, Kei finally decided on taking psychology for his major. He just finished graduating and getting a bachelor’s degree but he was also looking into taking a master’s degree too. His mother still worked at the hospital but now, she had a higher position as one of the head nurses in the establishment. Akiteru got his own place and was working full-time as a graphic designer with multiple companies wanting to hire him. He still visited them on weekends, sometimes with his girlfriend, Tanaka Saeko.

Everything was pretty much smooth sailing now. His past and childhood were slowly fading into distant memories, barely touched upon or thought about. But they were still there. In his first year of university, those memories seeped in quite a lot. Kei could barely go to parties with alcoholic drinks being served without having to remember his father and the fear he felt as a child. But instead of simply dwelling on all of that fear, worry, and anxiety, he used it as an inspiration.

Right now, he had an internship in a nearby hospital. Not the one his mother was working in but one which was nearer to Tokyo University. He wanted to be a psychiatrist. He never considered that specific field until three years ago, when he thought about all the problems that could have been solved if his dad didn’t turn to alcohol and how much his past had affected him. Kei knew that he wasn’t the only one who had to go through this, that there were millions of other kids like him who needed help as well. Kei was lucky, he had his mother, he had his brother, but before them, he had Tetsurou.

“How are you today?” Kei greeted as soon as he walked inside the room. His internship only allowed him limited hands-on experience but it was hands-on experience nonetheless. One of his jobs was to give daily check-ups on his patients to practice interacting with people. That was one thing he needed to work on. He was good at the analytical part but communication definitely needed improving, especially if he was trying to help people instead of offend them like he usually did.

“Tsukishima-san,” the boy on the bed looked up from the book he was reading when he entered. He was sixteen years old, still a kid in high school, going through rehabilitation after a few years of substance abuse. The young ages of most patients he encountered no longer surprised Kei.

“I’m alright, I guess, for now…” said Guren, he was the patient that Kei regularly visited for daily check-ups.

“That’s good,” he nodded and looked down at the clipboard in front of him. “They’ve lowered your dosage just a bit more now. I’m sorry to say this but you’ll be experiencing the effects pretty soon.”

“I know…” Guren swallowed and looked up. “But it’s not going to be that bad this time around, right? I mean last time I only threw up twice and got that shaking sensation.”

“It’s… difficult to say, Guren-san,” Kei said, trying to break the news in his best ‘doctor-voice’ that was equal parts sympathy and straightforwardness. But after spending quite some time with Guren, he felt that the sympathy already came naturally for him. He had that sarcastic, dry humor that he used a lot when he talked about himself that made even Kei crack a smile. He was also one of those patients intelligent enough to know what was happening with him and open enough to accept the facts. Apart from that, he liked books and rock music which Kei supplied whenever he had time.

“Usually the side-effects of the withdrawal differ per person and how they handle it,” he continued. “In your case, it might be a little worse than how other patients experience it, but I’m sure it’s something within your capabilities to handle.”

“Great,” Guren nodded, sounding equal parts sarcastic and exasperated. “Well, what’s a little more pain? At least I can get this stuff out of me soon.”

“You’ll feel much better afterwards,” Kei tried to reassure him. “Also, you’re scheduled for another blood transfusion this afternoon.” One thing that made Guren’s case slightly more difficult was the fact that he was anemic, making it difficult for his body to handle the effects of the drug withdrawal. The hospital didn’t have a lot of blood packets available for his type of blood either, so Kei decided to donate his.

They were of the same blood type anyway, and even though Kei wasn’t exactly entitled to since he was only a psychiatrist in training, he still committed to providing blood for Guren’s transfusion sessions. He did it because a part of him believed that Guren was able to go through the treatment. He hated it when his fellow interns thought he was just doing it for the extra credit.

“Thanks again for the blood, doctor,” Guren smiled. “And the books and the CDs and everything.”

Kei looked up from his clipboard with his eyebrows raised in slight surprise. “Oh… those. It’s nothing really, I just had them lying around at home…” he murmured.

“But you still brought them,” Guren shrugged. “You know, I never thought psychiatrists were this nice. I always thought that they meddled with people’s lives all the time and asked all these nosy questions.”

“Oh don’t worry, those come after,” Kei smiled slightly. “I’ll also be cutting up your brain open down the road.”

“I don’t think you’ll find anything inside…” Guren deadpanned. The two of them burst out laughing.

“So, do you really think I’ll make it then?” he asked in a quiet voice after the two of them stopped laughing. “That I’ll make it through the treatment?”

“I’m not really a medical doctor so in terms of that field, I can only say that you have a good chance of doing so,” Kei said, deciding to give the straightforward facts instead of sugarcoating the truth. Guren was the one going through the treatment so he deserved to know.

“But, as a psychiatrist, I believe that you do have the mental capacity to prevent yourself from getting into illegal substances once your treatment is over,” he added. “And as someone who’s studied psychology for years, I know the effects of sheer determination on a person’s behavior.”

“Thanks, Tsukishima-san,” Guren smiled and nodded. “That… really makes me feel better,” he said with no hint of sarcasm.

…

Koutarou and Keiji no longer lived in that town anymore. They passed the shop on, after Tetsurou gave his consent, to a fellow employee that they hired a few years ago. Now, the two of them were living together in the same flat and had their own jobs. Their place was quite close to Tetsurou’s actually so they had time to hang out once in a while whenever they weren’t too busy. Even though they weren’t in Vinyl anymore, Tetsurou passed by the shop anyway just to have a look around. The new shop owner seemed to be quite experienced and passionate about music. Tetsurou liked him, but he didn’t introduce himself either.

He boarded a bus back to the city at three o’ clock in the afternoon, hoping to make it home in time for him to do a bit of work before Monday. The bus ride to the train station was quite short and he got there just before the three-thirty train. During the ride, he decided to send and answer a few emails to keep busy. He was already tired by the time he walked from the train station to the nearby bus station. Since the last stop was his stop anyway, Tetsurou decided to take a nap on the way.

The bus reached the station at around five o’ clock. He quickly got off as soon as he received an email from a fellow coworker in the animation department of the studio. He was answering the email with his head down while walking when he decided to look up to see if he was going in the right direction.

And that one single movement was enough to cause fire alarms inside his head.

Because he spied a person lining up for one of the buses in front of him. Someone with blonde hair tucked under a beanie, black-framed glasses, and a tall, lanky frame. Tetsurou had seen quite a lot of Kei look-alikes during the past year so he knew enough to know that the person he was looking at might not be him. But this time, he was seeing things in full view quite clearly, and he knew that the person he was looking at was him.

But before Tetsurou could call him, Kei boarded the bus.

…

Kei got inside the bus just as it was about to leave and took the seat just behind the driver. His phone dinged and he opened it to find a message sent by Yamaguchi. ‘Are you leaving the area already, Tsukki?’ it asked. Kei typed out his answer and sent the message. But just as he was about to close his phone, his eyes landed on a reminder he typed out on his cellphone planner. ‘Call Tetsurou?’ it said with the phone number typed under it.

It’s been four years and Kei just couldn’t forget about him. He definitely planned to call him, the urge grew stronger with every passing year, but it was always waved off by an innate feeling that it ‘wasn’t the right time yet.’ Kei didn’t know the criteria for ‘the right time’ but he just knew that it wasn’t ‘the right time.’

Now though…

He didn’t know how or why but at that moment, as he sat in the bus and waited to be taken to his destination, several alarms began ringing in his head. All of a sudden, it felt as if now was ‘the right time’ but even as he raked his head, Kei couldn’t exactly tell where that feeling was coming from. All he could really say was that it felt as if the decision of calling Tetsurou at that moment was a turning point in his story.

It was a sign, definitely a sign.

And Kei knew just how important it was to pay attention to signs.

…

Without even thinking twice, Tetsurou ran after the bus as it began to drive away. He was quite far away so the bus was ahead by a large distance. “No no no no no no,” Tetsurou said in a panic as he continued to run after it. Even though he was running with all his might and it felt as if his chest was about to burst, he was only barely touching the back of the bus. Now he really wished he worked out.

“KEI!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, hoping that he’d somehow miraculously be able to hear him from inside the bus.

“KEI!”

…

Kei dialed the number on his phone, knowing that this time for sure, he was going to press the ‘dial’ button.

…

The bus sped up and drove further and further away. Tetsurou’s legs couldn’t take any more and he eventually slowed down to a stop, leaning forward and panting as he tried to catch his breath. He watched helplessly as the bus drove on.

“No…” he whispered, feeling his hopes circle down the drain. Only a few minutes ago, Kei was within his reach. If only Tetsurou had reacted a few seconds faster, if he ran a meters further. Now, the only hope he had left was that Kei would call him soon, and he didn’t even know if there was much certainty to that idea.

And then, his phone rang.

…

“Hello?”

Kei’s eyes widened as he heard the unmistakable sound of Tetsurou’s voice. ‘It’s him, it’s really him,’ his mind reacted. Kei had to bite his lip to keep himself from bursting into tears. It sounded exactly like how he remembered it.

“T-tetsu… Tetsurou?” he whispered into the phone. He was greeted with silence, and then the sound of Tetsurou’s voice again.

“Kei… Kei! Stop the bus!”

“Wait… what?”

“STOP THE BUS RIGHT NOW!”

Without thinking twice, Kei pressed the button on the side of bus in front of him to signal the driver. The brakes squealed as the bus came to an abrupt stop. Kei still had the phone held to his ear as he took his backpack and practically ran out of the bus.

He stopped on a sidewalk and turned around, and then he saw Tetsurou.

…

“Kei…” Tetsurou’s voice shook with emotion as he saw Kei looking right at him, standing at the place where the bus dropped him off. All the tiredness he felt from running a few minutes early disappeared. Clutching on to his phone, Tetsurou ran forward. Kei was running towards him. ‘God, this is so fucking cheesy,’ he immediately realized. What he and Kei were doing right now could practically be torn out of a steamy romance novel. But he didn’t care.

The two of them met in the middle. Tetsurou threw his arms around Kei’s neck and buried his face in his shoulder. Kei seemed to be a bit stunned at first but eventually wrapped his arms around Tetsurou’s waist, his fingers clawing into the fabric of his jacket. Then, they pulled away slightly and Tetsurou looked up at him, cupping his face with his hand.

“You’re here…” he breathed out as he gazed into the familiar amber eyes, partially covered by his the blonde bangs that fell across his forehead. ‘You’re real’ was more along the lines though of what he wanted to say. It certainly felt more like a dream, having Kei here and right in front of him. Tetsurou’s fingers reached up and gently pushed aside Kei’s bangs before going down the sides of his face, tracing his jawline. All the while, Kei kept his gaze on him and only him, his eyes roaming his face just like how Tetsurou’s fingers were roaming his.

And then, Kei leaned forward and kissed him. It was only a slight, tentative brush of their lips together. Careful, hesitant, shy, as if doing so was going to make the illusion disappear. But soon, they realized that it wasn’t an illusion. Tetsurou pulled his face closer to deepen the kiss, trying to gather Kei in. His fingers went up and tangled themselves on the stray blonde pieces of hair that framed Kei’s face. The arms around Tetsurou’s waist were now pulling him closer as Kei kissed him. ‘I found you, I found you, I found you,’ was the message that they were trying to say.

They pulled apart after what felt like eternity. Kei pressed his forehead against Tetsurou’s, their eyes never left each other. “It’s you…” Kei whispered. “God, it really is you.”

“I was chasing after the bus,” Tetsurou chuckled. “I thought I was going to lose you again.”

“And I was debating whether or not I should call you.” Kei paused before adding, “I’m sorry I took so long to call you. You must have waited for forever.”

“I know I should say something along the lines of ‘I would wait through another forever as long as it means seeing you again’ but my thoughts are more along the lines of ‘What the hell took you so long?!’” Tetsurou smiled. “And I’ll be sticking to that. This isn’t a romance novel after all.”

“God, what we did earlier was so fucking cheesy though,” Kei cringed.

“I know,” Tetsurou rolled his eyes. “All we’re missing right now would be to have rain pouring overhead.”

“I sure hope not. I’m carrying a laptop in my bag,” Kei said.

“So… what made you do it then?” Tetsurou asked, cocking his head to the side. “What made you call me?” Kei looked ahead into the distance as a small, secretive smile came up on his face. God, seeing his lips again and how they moved drove Tetsurou crazy.

“I can’t exactly explain how…” he began. “But, it just felt like it was the right time. It felt like I was supposed to do it at that exact moment.”

“And it felt as if looking up and seeing you board the bus was something that was supposed to happen too,” Tetsurou added.

“Yeah, I was actually heading back to town, to meet Yamaguchi and everyone else,” Kei said.

“Funny, I just came from there,” Tetsurou smirked. “But… I don’t mind going back now.” He pulled apart from the hug and took Kei’s hand in his, feeling the same, familiar warmth again. Kei intertwined their fingers.

“I don’t mind going back with you either.”

…

This was the turning point in his story.

Kei realized this as he sat in the bus with his hand intertwined with Tetsurou’s and the weight of his head against his shoulder. The two of them were sharing a pair of earphones that were connected to Kei’s CD player that he still had, listening to the last mixtape Tetsurou gave him that he still kept.

‘Fast Car’ was the one that was currently playing, the last song in the mixtape. Kei had always liked this song. Just hearing the guitar riff in the intro made him want increase the volume. And being in the bus on the way back to the town they grew up in made him appreciate it even more.

_You got a fast car, is it fast enough so we could fly away?_

 “Hey, Kei,” Tetsurou spoke up.

“Yeah?” Kei answered, turning his head slightly to look at him.

“Do you regret it?” Tetsurou asked. “Do you regret splitting apart and everything?”

_We gotta make a decision, leave tonight or live and die this way_

Kei mulled this over. Back then, he tried to blame everything on his father for drinking and his brother for leaving him. He wanted to run away from the town he grew up in, but by doing so, he was placing the blame on everything else but himself. In doing so, he avoided placing the blame on himself. He was running away from his problems, running away from himself instead of facing them head on.

_Because I remember we were driving, driving in your car_

He didn’t think he had a chance to fix those problems back then when in actuality, his chances were infinite. The only thing he really had to was put them into action, and that’s what he did. Spending time away from Tetsurou did make him miss him a lot, but it did give him time to grow, just like he expected it would. Kei stopped running away from his problems and went after a road full of uncertainties and possibilities.

_Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk_

Tetsurou’s hand was in his. He also had his own road of uncertainties and possibilities. But now, at least they weren’t alone. And facing all of those tasks on their roads had given them strength. Now, they were sharing that strength, supporting each other as they walked the road together.

Kei smiled and squeezed his hand.

_And city lights lay out before us_

“No, no I don’t,” he shook his head. Tetsurou smiled back at him and squeezed his hand in return.

“Me too.”

_And your arm felt nice wrapped around my shoulder_

Because that’s what love’s about. It’s not about getting everything right on the first try. It’s about making a lot of mistakes and then looking back to find that there was nothing to regret after all. Kei leaned back and stared out the window of the bus, remembering the night when he screamed his lungs out as Tetsurou drove him through the tunnel, how he felt infinite and unafraid.

He felt the same now.

What comes first, the music or the misery?

For the two of them, it’s the misery.

But in the end, they had the music.

_And I, I had a feeling that I belonged_

_And I, I had a feeling that I could be someone, be someone_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIME FOR SOME CREDITS (i guess)
> 
> All of the songs mentioned for the chapter titles are real (no surprise there but I thought I should put it in :P). They're all really great songs so I suggest you should listen to them. The idea for most of these songs, however, are all thanks to my (newfound) friend TheIntrovertedM who gave me a bunch of ship playlists. The song choices for the chapters are based on the kurotsukki playlist she gave me so thank you SO MUCH for that. Please read her fics on AO3 too because her KenHina fics ( [Butterflies ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6975472) and [Whoosh!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7262638) are my faves at the moment) are to die for. I actually didn't plan for there to be some YamaYachi action but I made it for you TheIntrovertedM as a thanks for this playlist :3
> 
> And thanks so much to you guys for reading. It's been awesome reading all of your comments. You guys are the best. I'll be starting another fic soon (yes, i know. i'm addicted. my friend is practically rolling her eyes at me) which is going to be a fantasy au that's kind of like a crossover to the anime Fate Zero / Fate/Stay Night so stay tuned to that if that's your thing. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading~~!

**Author's Note:**

> All artists and bands mentioned above are non-fictional except for 'The Parachutes' but if there is a band called 'The Parachutes' then it's purely coincidental.


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